advice needed--please respond

lisaBObeesa

This is a question my DF mother would like me to post for her:

Would it be morally right to go back to the JWs, even though she doesn't feel it is God's org? She would do this in order to speak with her life long friends and her youngest daughter, all of whom are quite emotionally distraught due to her DFing.

She would basically have to lie and she isn't sure she should. Still she is torn because she wants to put her friend's minds at ease and to be able to talk to them.

My mom doesn't post here, but she will be reading your responses...please be kind, as she is worried and upset, and fairly newly DF.
Thanks,
--LisaBobeesa

VeniceIT

Well all I can say is that it's a decision she'll have to live with. Is she capable of living a lie or does she need to be true to herself. I think she needs to do whatever will make her happy, truly happy. I know of several that are still 'in' to keep up family relationships.

I personally could NEVER EVER go back, but that's just the kind of person I am, if it's wrong is wrong and I have to be true to myself.

This is a very serious decison and I hope she makes the right choice for HER, and is happy with it. If she needs any further support or comfort we're here for her!!!

Ven

"I'm not a Troll I'm NOT!!!'

jayhawk1

That is a question I struggle with sometimes. I did have a few (very few) friends in the society. My only issues of why not to is:
1. You have to pretend to be with them. Easier said than done, I tried to do just that for my dad.
2. You will have to go out in door to door work. Again, easier said than done, especially if you know it is not the whole truth like the Society preaches.
3. If you meet somebody at the door that is receptive, you will have to teach what you know to not be the whole truth.
I am not sure this will help you out, but because of these reasons I am never going back. I just can't bring myself to pretend. I would be lying to myself.

lisaBObeesa

Jayhawlk,

My mom says, "Couldn't I get reinstated and NOT go out in service?" She is thinking to go back for only a short time and then move out of town and become an innactive witness.

Do you think this could work?

--LisaBobeesa

DannyBear

Hello fellow Californian,

***She would do this in order to speak with her life long friends and her youngest daughter, ***

Imagine reading the above, never having been one of JW's. This statement alone is heartrending. I know what she is feeling..it has been over 20 yrs since I have seen or spoken to two of my three sister's, including all of their extended families. Not to mention any of the friend's made during 30yrs in the cult.

Does she have any idea how long she will be required to sit in the rear of the KH, at every meeting, never uttering a word? Maybe just the fact she is in the presence of her friends and daughter, will be enough to ease her pain. It may be harder than she expects to return, then once attained, will she be able to hold her tounge about those things she knows to be lie's?

It may in fact be worth the effort, if she has no other way to overcome the shunning.

Either way tell her, that I know the pain and utter terror this inhuman religion, continues to dish out...with no remorse or pang of guilt. They will pay for their actions...I just hope Iam around to see it.

Whatever she decides, in her heart of hearts...she can be true to herself....who cares what those hypocritical, self righteous, men-pleaser's think anyway!

DannyBear

spinner

Dear LisaBObeesa,
I feel very sad for your Mom. I understand the hurt she must feel, and it is close to the feeling of death. I will tell you about
me. I left because I did research and was horrified at the incorrect
teachings. I was in the org all my life. Now, I have no friends, I lost my husband, all my children, and you know what? I HAVE THE TRUTH. There is no price you can ever put on the real TRUTH. I would
absolutely never go back. The reason, is that your relationship is
with Jehovah, and how is HE going to view your staying in the real
Babylon the Great? Your influence could help others eventually to
get life by steadfast stance of searching for the answers. There is no life in the KH. I will be your friend, Much Love Spin

jayhawk1

Just some more thoughts about your question. Sure, you could go back, but if you are not an active witness, (that is go out in service) her friends might not think of her as being strong in the truth. My experience has been, if you are not in service there is something wrong with you. Maybe you will have a different result, after all not every congregation is the same. But some might want to know why she does not go out in service. If that is ever brought up, she better have a good reason. I can't think of a good reason at the moment. Good luck with it.

DannyBear

Spin,

I don't think that I have ever heard about your story. My goodness, you really did take a hit!

Btw, this little closing comment of yours, should make Lisa's mother take heart;

***There is no life in the KH. I will be your friend, Much Love Spin***

Word's with so much power, I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND....can't take them for anything other than there intended meaning. I applaud your choice of word's. Almost brought tears to this big bear's eye's.

Thank you...for some reason it just struck me between the eye's.

Danny

somebody

Hi lisaBObessa (fee fi fo meesa...lisa. ...ok...I'll stop )

My opionion is that your mom would be giving up what she believes is morally right if she tried to get reinstated. When I try and put myself in her shoes, I would not give up what I thought was morally right, for friends. But having a daughter (or son) in it would be a tough decision for me. I'd give it time, and not make a hasty decision. Is her daughter cutting off the family ties right now because of the disfellowshipping of your mom? Does she still speak to her?

peace,
somebody

seven006

Lisa,

Life is full of little games and rules to play them. The JW's are masters at making rules to control their players. I think the number one thing your mom needs to keep in mind is her own personal priorities. If having to get reinstated to ease the mind of her loved ones and be able to talk to them again, then so be it. I have a good friend who got reinstated to go to his younger sister's wedding and ease the mental anguish of his grandmother. After the wedding he simply moved to another city close by and they have left him alone. None of the elders who reinstated him want to admit they got duped. I think it's pretty funny. My own mother rarely went out in service, she always seemed to have health problems and the elders left her alone. Even thought she is a devout witness I know she hated going out in service. She fooled them for years. The JW's are easy to fool, a little crying here and there and telling them what they want to hear is a fairly simple thing to do.

We all have to deal with feeling one way and reacting another. Most people do it on a daily basis in their secular jobs. The JW governing body as well as many guys at the top of the organization keep a tremendous amount of information from the rank and file. They are masters at deception. Giving a little back isn't going to do anything but make your mom happy. Her love for her family is the main priority. If she has to dance around a group of controlling zealots then that is what she will have to do. As long as she can keep a straight face and keep her main goal in mind she should do what ever she feels she needs to do. She knows her own heart and what she does to make her self happy is no one else's business.

Spirituality is in ones mind and heart, not in a specific religion. If she gets reinstated but does not believe all the garbage that goes along with it, then she is just playing the game smarter then the ones who came up with it. More power to her.

Dave

advice needed--please respond

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