Need To Divorce My Husband.... (page 2)

Emma

I'm deathly afraid of the 'what will they think/say', 'how will my folks take it'. Just so concerned with everyone else's reaction.

This is a tough one. "They" are never going to change. You have to get to the point where you can say, "the hell with them!" This haunted me for years. I wish I'd have had this forum to help me get over it.

If there are kids, they need to be considered above all.

I've been there; feel free to pm me if you want. Emma

Doubtfully Yours

No children due to health issues, but over a decade of marriage.

I'm so torn up about the whole thing. But, I just can't live like this anymore. I feel insane sometimes with this double life stuff.

His temper is so horrible, and nobody, absolutely nobody knows is because I've always covered up appearances. I'm fed up now, though.

DY

jgnat

Your personal health is more important than all, especially appearances! I have decided that ANYTHING can be robbed from me, but not my integrity. There are a few things you can do to get yourself mentally prepared for the break.

1. Put a line down a middle of a page, and put all the benefits of leaving on one side, all the downside on the other. Look at the two lists objectively. Which way do you want to live?

2. Pack a small suitcase and put it somewhere out of the way. It is your little reminder that, when you are ready, you can do it!

3. Cultivate friendships outside of your normal social circle. Join a new club and go every week.

4. Talk to a crisis counsellor about the practicalities of leaving. What happens to the bank account, the house, where would you live, etc. etc.

5. Imagine the WORST things the Kingdom Hall could say about you, and imagine how you might respond to it. Imagine what Minimus would do; stand tall, look them back in the eye with boldness. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

6. Separate bank accounts, or start a new one he does not know about.

Too many abused spouses stay because leaving looks too hard. Step by step, get yourself emotionally and physically ready for the move.

Winston Smith :>D

Hi DY,

Sorry for your situation. Don't ahve any advice since I have not gone through a divorce, but I my wife is a JW

I feel we love each other, but his loyalty for the WTBTS is far greater.
DY

I know. It's like having a third person in the marrige bond, except I'm the third wheel. The love is there, but love for the WTS is stronger.

In the past he's told me that if I left he would too and our marriage just wouldn't survive. He comes from a rough past with women, drugs, and heavy drinking.
DY

I have had a similar confession from my wife. If she left the WTS, she said that she wouldn't stay faithful to me. Makes you wonder what you're fighting for anymore.

Best wishes, and be good to yourself.

Paul

EDIT

***BTW, if he is starting to show signs of being threatening in a physical way, you need to take immediate steps to protect yourself!***

Doubtfully Yours

He slams doors, breaks things, and yells so loud. I'm embarrassed because my neighbors for sure have heard him screaming so loud at me, but none of them are JWs. Then he goes on to give me silent treatment for days.

It's emotionally exhausting and has happened so many times and so often lately that I just can't take it anymore. I'm at the breaking down point.

Just the other day I thought of running my car and putting a hose between my exhaust pipe and the rear window, and just doing to sleep peacefully to put an end to it all.

I know if I get the guts to go through with the divorce, it'll get much worse before it gets better. Once he told me I couldn't leave him if I tried.

DY

eyeslice

Hi Doubtfully Yours,

Sorry to read about your troubles. A close friend of ours is going through a similar difficult time, having to leave an emotionally, physically and sexually abusive husband. Some advice from her experiences;

1) Make sure you know who your close family and friends are, i.e. those whom you can trust and confide in. You will need absolute trust in these and you will be surprised how supportive they will be.

2) You must take legal advice. Our friends was reluctant to do this but when she did do this at my insistence, she was glad she did. You will be emotionally too close to things. A lawyer may be expensive but they see things without the emotions you have and can help you see the wood from the trees.

3) Take a zero tolerance approach. If necessary involve the police and authorities. You do not need to be in fear of any recriminations from an abusive spouse.

Best wishes

Eyeslice

jgnat

Women's Shelters. The court system. Believe me, by the time the Law is done with him, he will be sorry he ever threatened you. This man is dangerous. Why destroy yourself over such a brutal beast? Get even by getting a life.

Doubtfully Yours

I'm about to start the list of 'pros' and 'cons' of staying and pretending 'til the day I die.

Also, I'm opening up accounts on my name only.

Right now, after yelling at me and breaking some of our stuff, he's giving me the silent treatment. This will for sure continue until such time that his physical/sexual needs call on him.

When his silent is over I'll demand an apology and tell him that I've been thinking that the way he wants to live his life doesn't coincide with the way I want to live mine and that therefore we should divorce.

I'll keep you all posted on this latest development.

My family will for sure be mortified over this. They are all so into the WTBTS and so into appearances.

DY