Need To Divorce My Husband.... (page 3)

Happy Guy :)

He slams doors, breaks things, and yells so loud. I'm embarrassed because my neighbors for sure have heard him screaming so loud at me, but none of them are JWs. Then he goes on to give me silent treatment for days.

I am very sorry to hear of your family problems DY.

You probably already know this but the behavior your describing is meant to be used as a tool to control you (or others in your household). Sometimes it ends there but with others the behavior escalates if they have not gained the measure of control they are looking for.

I don't walk in your shoes so only you know how bad it is.

Is he the type of person that you could ask him to get counselling for his control issues? Likely he will not get adequate counselling from the JWs because many don't even have higher education let alone a degree in psychology or psychiatry, but more importanly, they may not want to address through self analysis his "control" issues as it is the cornerstone of their recruitment and membership structure.

Doubtfully Yours

Other JWs, including my folks, feel pitty for him because his 'spiritually weak' wife won't help him the way she should. Most can't stand the sight of me. It's bloody awful.

They're on his court. They for sure don't know him, or what I have to deal with at home.

DY

Bryan

(((((Doubtfully)))))

Sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to be in a bad marraige and feel like you're drowning. Realize too, you need to find a place were you are not so concerned what others think of you. You will never please everyone. I know, I've been there. It was only when I said to myself, "Screw everyone, I'm going to to what Bryan want's to do." did I find real peace and happiness.

Take care,

Bryan

Doubtfully Yours

Thanks sincerely for all your help with this. I'll need much more support in days to come.

DY

jgnat

You know what? Parents survive mortification. Life goes on, even for ageing parents. My wish for you is that you surround yourself with genuine people who like you for you.

Granny Linda

Damn, I hate when a posting is lost into cyberspace...

You demand an apology from an abusive mate...

Your are more worried about "my folks" JW's?

What will the non-JW neighbors think...

so forth and so on.

I've been though two divorces - the first one being the worst because he was the father of my son. The second didn't really matter because I knew at the time of marriage I was making a mistake, but did it anyhow.

Do I think anyone coming from JW"s are sound of mind...Nope, not really. Do I think that because you might marry someone from that religion or/not that it's going to be ok...not really. That is unless the both of you are intent upon making a shift in perception that goes contrary to how you were raised.

And that takes time, patience, and not giving oneself over to the other based upon the need to "be right."

Get a divorce - it's mental stress no matter how unhappy the both of you are...if that's the choice.

Remember that taking a stand for You will probably bring conflict...especially when JW's are involved, but be true to the person you know you are...not what someone else thinks you shoud be.

Time heals many wounds.

Granny

redhotchilipepper

Hi, I am going through a similar situation myself. My husband has been quite angry for a while as well. Due to depression and other things. I as well have tried to cover it up. We just recently seperated. I guess I feel in marriage that this is a last resort but everybody has different circumstances. Could you take some time away, by yourself. A few weeks or the weekend to gather your thoughts. Maybe write him a letter. It's hard if you are thinking of leaving the Organization and he is staying involved. Your life is always divided. He may not even agree to a marriage councellor due to his beliefs, I'm assuming. I know alot of JW's don't. It's a very hard road. I am finding out for myself. You can Pm me as well if you just need a listening ear. I don't really know what advice I can give as I am new to this myself. I do know a hostile, or volatile relationship or situation is not good for either of you. It is also very bad for your health. ((((hugs and thinking of you))) Chris

redhotchilipepper

One thing I would like to add for your own safety. When I talked to a councellor and the doctor. They warned me that it only gets worse. The situation escalates. Just something to think about. I got out and so can you.

shamus

It sounds like a pretty rash decision.

Talk to a marriage counsellor. Get help in the real world; the internet is full of bad advice.

Sorry things are so rough right now.

bikerchic

(((((((((Doubtfully Yours)))))))))

I'm really sorry you are going through a tough time with your husband. I can only suggest to you that you don't cover up his behavior to anyone! Not his parents, not your parents and not the Elders at the Kingdom Hall. Call the police the next time he threatens you, have their number programed into your phone and call it! If people know how bad things are for you with him they surly won't think badly of you for leaving him. DON'T COVER UP FOR HIM YOU ARE ENABLING HIM TO ACT LIKE A MONSTER!

I also suggest you not stay in a dangerous situation. You know Hun people change and they grow unfortunately for some couples they grow apart instead of together. It happens, it's happened to you and there is no shame in it. What would be a shame is if you stayed with him and ceased to be the person you truly are because you are stifled in a go no where relationship and on top of that being threatened and living in fear. That is no life for anyone.

It looks like it's time for you to make some serious decisions for yourself, possibly you will need help from a marriage counselor or a crisis counselor, do what you need to do but do it soon it sounds like you are in a volatile situation.

I can tell you when I was deciding to divorce my X my counselor told me when I was worried about the reaction of my Mother (a JW) that my Mother was wise and would understand more than I thought she would. I wanted to protect her from the hurt and my shame. Guess what, she (my Mother) told me it would be terrible for me to stay with my X in view of how he was treating me. Don't underestimate your parents and don't worry about their reaction about you leaving the B'org, you are a grown woman and need to act like one.

A question I learned to ask of myself, what would you tell your own daughter to do in this situation?

I wish you well and more than that I wish you peace!

Kate

Need To Divorce My Husband....

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