Update On Husband Troubles

by Doubtfully Yours 17 Replies latest social relationships

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  Doubtfully Yours

  Since I burdened you all with my marriage problems earlier, I thought it'd be only fair that I should give you all an update of how things are going.

  I feel that my husband and I love eachother very much, but he's so conflicted and divided because his loyalty towards the WTBTS is so strong.

  We reconciled, cried a lot and had a heart-to-heart talk, long and elaborate. Let all our thoughts and frustrations out in the open.

  I felt so small and shamed to see him cry that way. God I love that man!

  Lately I've been thinking that for the good of all involved perhaps I should continue to play the 'role' of 'JW in somewhat good standing' until death do us part.

  After the storm, the calm is here and we're getting along good.

  I love this man too much.

  DY
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  jaredg

  stand by your man and maybe one day he'll open his eyes. when he does he will love you more than ever b/c he'll realise all the shit that he put you through!!
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  JustTickledPink

  I don't know much of your story, but here's my take. I love my husband very much also... I love him for the man he is, the person he is. Not his beliefs. We differ on many different political views, etc... and we just love each other. When we go to bed at night, we always cuddle and I am always thankful for him.

  I can't tell you what to do, you will figure that out for yourself... but there has to be a happy place where you can get to where you can both be happy. Just don't think that if you do all the compromising that you won't end up resenting him/or the marriage. Find a spot where you both compromise.

  And let's all hope that one day down the road the lights gets to bright that he takes the blinders off.

  Good luck to you.
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  Doubtfully Yours

  He suggested why don't I just talk to the elders and my folks about not going to the meetings anymore, or being a JW anymore. This way they'll stop pestering him whenever I don't show up to meetings or social gatherings along with him.

  He made it sound like if I did that he'd be okay with it. He just doesn't want to be accountable for his wife's spirituality anymore.

  I'm thinking about it all for now.

  DY
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  undercover

  He suggested why don't I just talk to the elders and my folks about not going to the meetings anymore, or being a JW anymore. This way they'll stop pestering him whenever I don't show up to meetings or social gatherings along with him.

  I smell trouble here. If you go to the elders and say you don't want to go to meetings anymore....bam....you're DFd or at the least DAd. Same difference. If you want to keep family contact, the fading thing is the better route. Longer, more painful and may not even work, but if you go right up to the elders and basically tell them you don't believe anymore, they are going to take action.

  Good luck.
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  Billygoat

  He suggested why don't I just talk to the elders and my folks about not going to the meetings anymore, or being a JW anymore. This way they'll stop pestering him whenever I don't show up to meetings or social gatherings along with him.

  I smell trouble here.

  Me too. Radar went way up. I'd be very careful about it. Just because you talk to the elders to get them off your hubby's back, doesn't mean that they'll leave him OR YOU alone.

  Why is it with JWs that it's always what's best for THEM? Do they want something to happen that's the best for US? God these people are so freakin' selfish it makes me want to scream. GRRR!
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  Doubtfully Yours

  Something tells me going directly to the elders and giving them a piece of my mind is not the best route right about now.

  It's funny that he suggested that. I wonder if someone's been putting a bug in his ear.

  DY
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  LittleToe

  DY:

  It's funny that he suggested that. I wonder if someone's been putting a bug in his ear.

  The radar's going off here, too.
  I suspect the Elders have asked him to get you to get in contact.
  They'll want to clear the decks.

  I'll tell you what I find the saddest thing about that usual approach is. As congregation Secretary I used to sit down with the C.O. and go through the report cards and had to notify him of who was "inactive". They wanted them visited or off the cards. It was an accountancy thing, to clear the decks...
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  Gill

  Be Careful, DY!

  Trust you instincts here. If you go to the elders, that bunch of asses is then going to start coming inbetween you and your husband and the pressure is going to be seriously on. If they've been badgering him to find out what's the matter with you so far what do you think they're going to do when they find out you don't want to be a JW.

  Time to be cautious as a serpent here!

  I can't tell you what to do or what I'd do, but you have to work this out with your husband NOT THEM.

  Gill
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  frenchbabyface

  Well DY I don't know about the JW part (not there business somehow - more over if they can't help both of you), but just knowing that you've been able to talk together to the point to realise how much you love each other is already a BIG STEP ...