Screwed up!!!

pluginbaby

Today: (Aloud rumbling nose)

ME: oh my god...is it armageddon(heat beats starts to sweat)

ME: oh it's just a plane...phew

I snuggle up to my boyfriend who is a aethiest

Hi i'm new...i dunno if i'm free or not...at the back of my mind i can't help thinking "are they are telling the truth..."there's so much things i need to stop doing...i suppose cos my mum is still a witness if feel protective...!!! But unlike some Jehovahs witness my mum is cool...she didn't go crazy when i said i've got a new boyfriend and i might be pregnant...she was surprisingly supportive...i'm not pregnant by the way.

Also writing out christmas cards to my friends and buying presents still seems so un-natural and for some reason costly...man xmas is just commercial...oh well in least i will get some gifts this year. and however hard i want to be free it's like

Mate 1: hey so yer not a jehovahs witness anymore

Me: I never was(but when yer mum is, you might as well be)

Mate 2: why???

Me: Just don't want to be one

Mate 1: So can you celebrate xmas and birthdays and stuff

Me: yes

Mate 1: Can you have sex before marriage now?

Me: Yeah and i enjoyed it very much

Mate 2: Wow

this is not the sort of freedom i want...if you know what i mean...in least now i'm away from uni. no-one knows about my past

i was never baptized...just a associate...i stopped going when i was 16 because i told my mum i didn't like field service and it's freezing cold(that was the main reasons of leaving i know it's lame)

Mum: well i don't really like it either...but you have to stay strong

plus i wanted to watch eastenders(hate that show now, it's so boring)

I'm 20 now and i'm happy with able to do things i want but i still feel guilty sometimes, i'm shocked how much they have influenced me and i'm just worried if they are right all along...i don't want to read any against jehovahs witnesses books (which i saw advertized) and i don't want to join another religious group...i just want to forget.

hopefully i wont have to stay on this site for long, hopefully JW will be a distant "graceful" memory.

do you ever feel like this???

i didn't know there was a website for this...my mate who used to be one told me

pluginbaby

also i would also like to add

Is it right for me to try and influence my mum away from it...since she hasn't gone for a month...she's dead negative about it and i've read her jerimiah 14:14, and i think i've done it...i think it worked!!! somehow it conflicts with her believes! i like to thank my mate who gave me that, seems to do the trick. If she stops, then it'll be over!!! that is all...i feel alot better now!!!

goodbye

Country_Woman

welcome to the forum then

and enjoy celebrating your first real Christmas

Branda

Quotes

Welcome pluginbaby!!!!

Glad you are here!

Don't worry, you are not the first to feel this way. You've got a number of issues to work through along the road to "normalcy", but it sounds like you are off to a great start.

My suggestion: read, learn, study. Ask question, demand answers. Ask better quality question, get better quality answers.

You will find, one day, that you no longer panic when a jet rumbles in the background. (Personal example: On Sept 11, 2001, Armageddon was not even on my mind: I view that as a personal milestone in my deprogramming).

If you even want to get a Quintessential, Decisive, and Conclusive overview of the "...delightful, correct words of truth" published by the WTBTS (and thereby see what a house of cards it really is) you could check out my collection: at my web site:

http://quotes.watchtower.ca/

Just pick a topic, dive in, and think about what they are saying. I found this useful in my personal exit strategy, years ago.

Mystery

Buy your mom a "Christmas present" (you may have to order it off the internet; i did).

Crisis of Conscience. If Jermiah didn't do it (get her out) this book may be the clincher to get her out.

Merry Christmas!

Mystery

As an afterthought; buy yourself the same book for Christmas.

After reading it you won't have a second thought about Armageddon.

Euphemism

Plugin... welcome to the board!

I totally understand what you mean about just wanting to move on and forget about the whole business. If you can do that, great. But if it's been four years since you left, and you still find yourself having Armageddon fears, then it might be time to try something different... whether a book, a therapist, or something else.

The Witnesses have a way of digging deep into people's psyches. So don't fault yourself if it's harder to let go then you thought. There are people here who still had issues from this cult (and yes, it is a cult) years after they left. A lot of them found that just quitting doesn't cut it; they weren't really able to deal with their issues until they faced them head on.

Whatever you decide, I hope you stick around here for a bit; I think you'll find that your experience is far from unique.

And Merry Christmas!

Winston Smith :>D

Welcome to the board.

I agree with Mystery, read "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz. That will be a step in the right direction to healing

Best,

Paul

SixofNine

All it takes is just a little bit of research and you'll be "free" in no time. Honestly, when I finally allowed myself to really research the blood issue, I was 90% free within a 24 hour time period. Several months of leisurely done research on everything else, and I was 100% free.

Pick a subject, and have at it: beards, birthdays, or blood. 1914, 607, or 1975. Russell, Rutherford, or Knor. Scream, don't scream, or scream.

jgnat

Pluginbaby, there are other advantages to being outside the society, besides "sinful" things. I bet if you thought hard about it, you could come up with a list. As a woman, I always feel repressed when I am sitting in a Kingdom Hall. Nobody has any interest in my ideas or thoughts if they do not conform to the program. Knowing you don't want to be part of the Organization is a huge first step. The second is to figure out what is really important to you, and start abiding by your own set of ethics.

Otherwise, you might become a statistic.

Many JW parents, I suspect, allow their children to "sow their wild oats", knowing that, when they are ready to settle down with children and such, they will come back. Why? Because it is the only form of life they understand.

My Christmas wish for you is that you spend the next year in self-discovery. If it is not your "bag" to investigate all that is WRONG with the Watchtower Society, why don't you spend some time thinking about what is RIGHT about living independently?

Screwed up!!!

Welcome pluginbaby!!!!

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