I'd say that it has done an awful lot of damage to a few people I've known. One of them is miserable and attempted suicide twice because he can't deal with his homosexuality. Another person has no positive self image whatsoever (makes me look cocky in comparison) because she's never been "spiritual" enough. I really empathize with her because, I too have always felt bad about myself because I couldn't really sincerely believe anything being said by the JWs. The deficiency must be in me. Not to mention how they stunt a person's critical thinking skills.
Does being a JW damage some children mentally?
by Gill 39 Replies latest jw friends
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freedom96
I grew up a witness, and no doubt doing so will affect a child.
When you must be so different than everyone else, and do so many "works" I don't think it is possible to not be troubled by it in some way or another.
Life is simply not viewed as though it should, and many witness children are very sheltered, and that will create challenges down the road as well. -
Gill
Reading everyone elses posts has also reminded me of a few things.
I remember my mum and aunt talking about where they would have to flee too if the persecution started to get bad. This was during the 1970's, but it also reminded me of my father. He has always kept a stock of food in the boot of his car 'just in case we have to make a run for it,' and he still has that regularly rotated stock of food and emergency supplies there now, 'just in case'.
And I wonder why nothing ever felt permanent to me as a child and why I always felt insecure with other people who could at any time turn on me just for being a JW.
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under74
"And I wonder why nothing ever felt permanent to me as a child and why I always felt insecure with other people who could at any time turn on me just for being a JW."
It gets strange when you realize that those insecurities carry over into adulthood even if just a little...like what freedom96 said.
I don't remember a plan...my mom was more or less like "the tribulation is for us." I do remember walks to school where me and my siblings would talk about what we should do if "it" happened when we were separated.
Anyway, I know it damages kids because as a kid I was a nervous wreck. I cried constantly and had separation anxiety with my mom as well as my siblings. It was hard to speak to people because they were worldly and you can't get attached to worldly people because they're going to die. -
lisaBObeesa
I think great damage comes from children not being allowed to be themselves.
Their natural interests and talents being called 'bad.' The kids they want to be friends with called 'worldly' and being kept away from them. JW children have thier future mapped out for them (They will grow up to be JWs, PERIOD) and any deviation from that map will cause pain to the parents and the displeasure of GOD. (Talk about a head trip.)
So JW kids grow up trying to squish their beautiful, individual personalities into this tiny square box. It is a sad thing to do, to give up all these little piece of yourself because they are bad. You know, bad pieces like sports, or art, .... We all want to be 'good.' And in order to do that as a JW, you have to give it ALL up. I mean, what part of yourself can you keep?? Maybe a fewm non-threatening personality traits, and that is about it.
Even when we grow up and leave the JWs...finding those pieces of ourselves is difficult. The average 9 year old on the street knows more about themself than some of us know about ourselves.
Because of how I was raised, I find that finding those piece of myself and develping them is still a fearful thing to do. I know in my mind that it is ok, but that deep programed, unconsious fear is there. That I shouldn't change. That I shouldn't stretch out. That I shouldn't draw any attention to myself. That growing is dangerous and a waste of time.
That I shouldn't waste my time on me, that there are other more important things to be done......Those words, ' A waste of time' are always there in my mind...
The programming is deep.
-LisaBOBeesa
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Balsam
As a parent I believe it has a lot to do with the Parents perspective and use of the WTS doctrine and teachings to control their kids. The more lient parents then the kids seem to do better upon leaving the confines of the JW's. My boys rarely preached at school, I told them that was not the place and time to do that. Of course that was against what we heard at the KH.
I knew one couple who home schooled and their two boys were weird acting. They constantly talked about how the world was going to be destroyed. They could not have a converstation without bringing it up. They had no social skills with kids their own age. We even watched as their parents dressed them in good will clothing that was probably 50 years old, ill fitting, and obviously caused them to stick out like a sore thumb even in the congregation. But these kids would have suffered the same thing no matter what religion their parents adhered too I think. They were just weird, and brought up weird kids.
My kids have managed out in the world fine without falling off the deep end and getting caught up in drugs or living a terrible life. My oldest son has been pretty sexually active. But he seems responsible about it over all. But then I am out too so that may make a big difference. I don't know. Their Dad continues to be a JW, and he shuns them. But my have the possiblity of a normal life now if they want it. No more religious boundaries that makes up rules for them. Hoping my youngest son will go to college. He graduates in a year and 1/2.
Balsam
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tata
"Wow, I never thought of that. Now that I?m trying to get out I see everything differently and I am aware of how damaged we are. I remember that my mother celebrated two of my birthdays and also assisting to other people's birthdays. We were cautious about telling anything about it, but we were afraid of somebody finding out or somebody seeing us. So, I grew up with fear of everything, because we thought that it was really bad. We grew up with very low self-esteem too. Now I have a baby and I don?t want her to go through the same thing. I want something better for her. That started a problem with my family. They don?t leave her alone, everyday they are lecturing her about Santa and Christmas. I did tell her about Santa, but she is still a baby, so when in school they talk about him she just repeats...
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Dansk
Re: Does being a JW damage some children mentally?
Of course it does - and adults, too!
It has come to my attention that my two daughters are now on antidepressants (many in the congregation were on similar, including one known elder). My older daughter has been telling people she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Guess who's getting the blame?!
I have cards here from my daughters before I exited telling me I am the greatest father in the world. Since leaving the JWs the word is I'm the worst! Every sickness they suffer is now earmarked as my causing it - yet prior to my exiting no such illnesses existed. I just wish they'd open their eyes and hearts and realise where all the anxiety and pressure hails from.
Suffice to say, my wife and two sons are wonderfully healthy!
Ian
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Gill
I was yesterday walking home from school with my daughter when I saw someone I had grown up with in the congregation, all those years ago. In freezing weather he was still scraping together a living...wait for it...cleaning windows.
I also grew with his wife who was so highly intelligent at school and her grades being the best in her year, every year that her teachers could not believe it when she left school at sixteen and went to work part time stacking shelves in a supermarket and full time pioneering. Her husband had also been very clever at school and had also left early to pioneer.
Think what different lives they would have had if they had continued their education and think of the lives they ended up with. It made me sad for them. More so because they had great talents when young. They had both ended up with a real struggle to survive from day to day.
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formerout
Yes, Yes it does. I am living proof of it.
However, all things being relative, after we have acknowledged our "quirks" or "dysfunctional ways" we are also able to heal. IMO, we are also able to realize to an even greater extent the freedom that we have now.
The old saying, "I do not miss what I haven't got" is also true the other way around. "When we realize what we have been missing, we embrace it more fully than those who have never missed it."
My two cents,
Brad