by minimus 50 Replies latest jw friends
Knowing that I'll probably not see the ushering in of the promised New World Order in my lifetime.
That I'm not one of the ones of the " Millions Now Living Will Never Die" crowd.
Not seeking out "Higher Education" sooner as opposed to when I was 40+.
Assuming that everything the Society stated was absolute truth as opposed to questioning them first, seeking out their history as well as their troubled past.
Im not going to go into too much detail, I relived that part of my life almost every day. My biggest regret is losing my best friend.
She, like I was a baptized publisher "raised" in the truth, as were all her family....ever heard of the hangings in WV in WWII? Her great grandparents were part of that crew...her aunt was the child in the court system that challenged the flag saluting in the US... her maiden name escapes me...but as I said her WHOLE family was JW's
When we were dfd ( weeks between our announcements) she and I went in both deep depressions, hers moreso because her whole family structure had disintegrated....and here come the tales of drug-induced drunken stupors to drown away all the shock. We were 19, had nothing in our way, and I was ready to start my new life.
Unfortunately, Df'd hit her a lot harder than I, and she acted out a lot. Enough for me to want to stop all the madness. So we distanced ourselves. Stopped communicating. I moved 300 miles away, but tried to keep tabs on her.
Fast forward 4 years....I get a call from my mother. She was taken to a hospital, DOA from an overdose of Oxycontin. Turns out she had been doing it for a little while.
I still blame myself for getting us into trouble in the first place. Granted, the hardest thing we tried was pot, but in the back of my mind maybe everything would have turned out different if I had held myself in better regard.
I still blame myself for her pain. I still blame myself for not seeing the plank, when I was looking at the eye. I miss her, and I regret everything I did (and did not).
My biggest regret is not finding out the REAL truth until it was too late.
Melba, that's sad. The truth is, you were a typical teenager and you were stronger than she was. She couldn't handle the rejection. The Watchtower sees to it that there is no support system. If anyone is guilty of her death ----it is not you!
Awwww Sweet_Lullaby, that name fits you so well.....you're still asleep, so young, so naive....I was you once...yup....I was the best witness in the world....was so convinced I was happy....you have so much of life ahead of you.....do me a favor....do not marry young....get yourself a decent education....and live life!
If not for this dream-selling religious organization, I would've gone all the way with my secular education.
Idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't you all worry, though, I'm taking steps to continue my education right now, even if it takes me forever with my busy schedule.
DY
Sweet Lullaby, Maybe you'll find out the truth about the "truth", later. If not, enjoy the deception. I challenge you on the beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses. Bet you can't win.
i regret not being able to bond with my friends in the past, im working on it since this is my senior year. i regret not being able to play school sports or be in the clubs. i regret myself acting how i did to non witnesses thinking that why should i start a friendship if its impossible? but this senior year, when i met a girl from work, who knew my situation, invited me to parties, taught me how to live, who loved me, gave me the courage to stand up. this school year is the best despite all of the arguements with my parents. ive been hanging out with my friends at school, im in clubs, the friends i had at the kingdom hall turned on me becuase they acted "wordly" like me and regretted it. im going to college, and hoping that this navy scholarship will accept so it can cover all of my college. ill be out by november hopefully. im still having a little trouble socialising with some because of the bad feeling i get with them from the past. but i got over it with one of my friends, and ive learned a lot from her, such as her crush on me, and other stuff.
... waiting until the new system to have kids, now with new partner and life it is too late, that really gets to me....
Can you imagine how many people didn't have kids or get married because they were told the end was right around the corner?
Being hammered so hard with how bad everything was I never learned how to feel good things properly, love, joy, peace etc. To this day I still don't know how to process these things. Missing out on xmas and birthdays and everything else 'normal' is much less bothersome. I guess it's hard to regret something that you never had or knew.
