The need for "Fellowship"

maybesbabies

It seems to me that a recurring theme for exiting witnesses is not their questions of faith (most have researched mightily before coming here, or had their own crisis of conscience), but the lack of fellowship that will happen if they leave. It feels good to be part of a group, to feel wanted and needed. The problem arises when that fellowship is not based on you as a person, but by what image you present, or how much you "produce". That sounds more like a job to me than a friendship. So, how does one go about solving the problem of fellowship? I know it's difficult to get past the idea that all non-JW's are "demonized" or "spawns of Satan". That's probably the hardest habit for a newly exiting JW to break, looking at all others as less than human. I'd like it if you fine folks would post some ideas here for those newly exiting, so that they can find "humanizing" fellowship. I'd like to propose one, that can be done individually. Regularly visit an old age home. Read to the folks there, talk to them, listen to them above all. Find joy in their stories of struggle and triumph, their humanity. Listen to their wisdom. See the faith that they hold. Trust me, you will definitely feel needed!

All ideas are appreciated!

missy04

That is a good idea

I actually thought about working at a place like that...until I thought about the time I used to volunteer at one. I liked it alot, but those areas of the buildings where the very sick ones stay, just can't walk through there without crying for some reason. Maybe when I get my car I'll think about doing that again. It's a really great idea you have

~Sarah

what_Truth?

The best way to do it is to create your own purpose in life. Find something your want to do and dedicate as much time effort towards it as you used to give the jehovah's witnesses. If you work whole souled towards YOUR dreams instead of the GB's fairytales eventually you'll make friends with similar interests and ambitions.

jgnat

Join a club, sign up for a class. Bowl, sing, dance, watch the birds. Find like people, and learn to socialize.

kat2u

My dog Chianti and I go to a nursing home twice a month to visit. It is amazing to share with mature adults who still have sooo much knowledge to give.

I always leave with much more than I feel I have ever given there.

bebu

I've found that my NEIGHBORS are where I have found good friendships. When I lived in Japan, several people took me under their wing and I never forgot that kindness. It is etiquette in Japan to introduce yourself to your neighbors whenever you move into a new area, and the landlady of my apartment told me this (clearly a big hint as to what I should do). Now, the people I miss most there are the neighbors.

Wherever I've lived, I've decided to take the initiative to meet at least a few of my neighbors. It takes a bit of a deep breath, but as it turns out all my neighbors have all been nice folks whatever their looks or backgrounds. As I get to know them and what's going on in their lives, conversation gets easier. It's a challenge at times, but even having differences helps me to try harder to understand their points of view.

I've learned to try to keep my radar open to identifying situations where help would be greatly appreciated. If you suspect a neighbor or a co-worker needs help that you could give--such as, a poor couple who can't afford a babysitter but need time together; a child who needs better supervision or some extra food than what s/he's getting at home; someone needs a ride for a job interview; or an elderly gal can't mow her little yard... Be a shoulder for someone in grief; a sounding board for someone trying to make a difficult decision... People often have a hard time asking for just a little assistance, but a little assistance can mean so much. And good relationships can grow from situations like these, too.

bebu

2 cents and

coldfish

I've felt the need for more contact with people lately. I don't have many friends and I work in an office and don't get to see many people. So lately I've started going to church. It was hard to make the first move to go to church because for so long we've been programmed that any non JW church is part of Babylon the Great and demonic.

I don't agree with everything at the church and I'm only going to attend, I have no plans to officially sign up with them or whatever happens. But I feel that its good to have association with wholesome people and most church goers seem to be wholesome.

Its a laid back charismatic penticostal church so no one condemns you or makes you feel guilty like at the JW. Rather than look down on you for missing church they are thrilled when people do attend. I was really impressed by the love there, on my very first visit and they didn't know who on earth I was, I mentioned that I was about to go in to hospital for some major surgery. The first thing the pastor's wife did was ask me if the church could bring cooked meals around for me. That really impressed me, cause JW claim that they're the only ones that show Christian love.

So I like the company I find at church and I hope I'll be able to make some new friends there.

maybesbabies

This is lovely! Missy, you are a dear heart, getting involved at such a young age. It sometimes takes people a long time to find the value in the elderly. But, I tend to think a lot of JW kids are quite precocious, as so much is expected of them from such a young age. Thank you all for your responses, please feel free to add more!!!

It might sound cheesy, but helping to make a difference for others often reveals astounding things about yourself, a depth of healing, knowledge, caring, or any number of things that you may not have known about yourself. It makes you stand proud, and feel that not only are you capable of handling your own life, but you are also able to have the spirit of charity.

I have personally abandoned all organized religion, after I realized that there were people even before Christ who preached the same message of love and respect. It is, IMHO, a basic tenet from time immemorial, and often followed by few. It is the narrow path, but I don't think it leads to heaven, I think it leads to happiness.

Golf

Maybesbabies, "There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving." I stay in touch with the people in my community. One elderly lady (non-witness) calls me frequently and I give her the time of day. My experience is, most people are out of touch with people.

I commented once before how I enjoyed the ministry. I enjoyed it because I met people. I often think of the many older people I use to visit and spend time with. My objective wasn't in placing literature. The influence of growing up among older people has served me well, something I will always treasure.

The scripture that you bring to my mind is Heb.10;24,25, "...encouraging one another..." As a professional competitor it is 'customary' (at least in golf) to shake hands once the round has been completed. Also, during play, if any golfer makes a great shot (fluke or not) he/she is commended. Sports has played a major role in how I think, not the JW teachings. When I reflect on the many years of JW service, encouraging one another wasn't on top of the list, why, good question.

People need people and that means fellowship. Some people think they can live without people, well, let me say, good luck, because your gonna need it! People who think they don't need others would do well to reflect on the lyrics, "People who love people are the luckiest people in the world."

Guest77

maybesbabies

People need people and that means fellowship. Some people think they can live without people, well, let me say, good luck, because your gonna need it! People who think they don't need others would do well to reflect on the lyrics, "People who love people are the luckiest people in the world."

You said it well, Golf, thank you! I think people need to talk and express, just as it's been proven that humans need touch. We are a social animal at our core, and emotional depth does not come from being "the cat who walks alone". It comes from experiencing the human in our world, that which we can connect with, empathize with, and draw solace from. The delicate lace of human connection is a sustaining network of ideas and support, it helps us grow like the roots of a plant. I've only recently learned the importance of this web of life.

The need for "Fellowship"

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