by vitty 13 Replies latest jw friends
I backed the wrong horse also. I wasn't that much into the 1975 thing, but i figured that at the latest the end should come before 2000. I thought that i wouldn't have to worry about retirement and old age. That was all the wt's fault. So, here i am. I'm free, but i gave the best yrs of my life in backing the wrong hourse/following the wrong rules.
S
I am sorry you are still so afraid! I can relate so well! I still have nightmares sometimes too, but they are few and far between now, which is progress. It was those darn pictures I always looked at when I was a kid! I guess I was a very visual learner because I still can't get the images out of my head!
The witnesses teachings are built on a foundation of fear. Even after we leave, it takes a long time to get a sense of the reality because underneath all the lies and false teachings that are pretty easy to uncover, there is still that foundation of fear to break down. I think if you are raised as a witness, it is even more baffling because it is just THERE, even in the midst of everything telling you that it is an unfounded fear.
I takes time, but it does get better. I think I almost have it beat! ... I think.
We are conditioned by rote repetition and redundant indoctrination. Pretty soon we aren't able to recognize the real truth. We become pliable . . . manageable (Witness management calls it "meek, or "humble"). It's the goal condition. We become as our teachers wanted, that is, reactive. Reactive to stimulation like a prisoner reacts to bells, we react to words, to sights, to media news, to buildings, to clothing, to our own internal dialog. We try to context everything into imaginary scenarios like the conflict between good and evil. We see ourselves as dispensable and relationships as conditional. Everything is fragile.
When we leave a high control group like the Witness group, some of us have had to deal with a post exit syndrome similar to those prisoners released from prison deal with. We can have flashbacks, floating episodes, depression, anxiety, confusion, and under it all is a feeling of impending doom.
Like the prisoner who commits an act to be able to return to prison even though he doesn't like prison life, we also often commit acts that enable us to return to the Witness group like applying for reinstatement even though we really don't like the regimen of meetings and service. We really don't like many of the people when we become honest.
I think all of us who were raised in the group had to deal with some type of post exit syndrome and many of the converts have had the symptoms too.
Stick around. We have been there and have found a way out. Find some posters you can relate to and ask some questions. Welcome! Glad you're here. GaryB
The reason exJws have weird dreams and flashbacks is that their religion was based on emotion, fear, guilt, etc. not on reason and logic. Emotions leave an indelable mark on the psyche, but logic and reason is fickle and changes with new data. When religion is compatable with science, it will be hard to commit to as it will not have the emotional ties but will liberate the mind to greater achievements.
carmel
