Hi everyone, I am new to this forum so sorry about any mistakes. I have just had the terrible news that my Grandfather has passed away. He and my Grandmother (still alive) were both Jehovah's witnesses. But my mother broke away from the religion in her teens, so I am not a JW and don't have much connection with it (apart from I know about the beliefs becuase of being told when I was young). Now I will soon be attending a Jehovah's Witness Funeral and I have NO idea what that will entail. I don't even know if their congregation knows that my mother and our family are not Jehovah's Witnesses. Will we have to pretend to be JWs? Are there any parts of the services that might be upsetting to non-JWs? As I said, I literally have no idea at all about what to expect so any information is welcome. On top of all the problems the split in the family that this issue has caused, it's now really upsetting to have this uncertainty at such a time. Does anyone out there relate to this? (I won't even begin to go into sad stories about the effect of the religion on my family). Anyway, please excuse my bad manners turning up on a forum and asking so much. Any help really would be appreciated, becuase this is a crisis time for me. Lily (in England- there's not many Jehovah's Witnesses in England so I came to U.S. site!).
Can you help please? Re: JW grandfathers funeral
by Lily888888 24 Replies latest jw friends
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candidlynuts
lily i'm sorry for your loss.
the jw funerals i've been to have been rather cold. they mention the deceased and give his or her statistices ..date of birth / death etc then spend the rest of the talk giving a " witness" to reach out to potential converts.
how it works in england though i'm not sure.
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Lily888888
Okay, just re-read my post and am adding extra info... I should really explan that my Grandparents were/are quite 'into' the religion, so I had a very quick look at other posts and have experienced problems re: blood transfusion, saying 'good luck', when the new world will come, saying the words 'Christmas/Birthday/Easter', etc. Hope this explains my position more. Lily
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Lily888888
Thanks Candidlynuts for your message. It was really kind. I do appreciate information like yours, for example, if I am expecting it to be a 'cold' affair I can be prepared, or warn my Mum (Mom). It feels a bit like being stuck out there with no help...after all, how many people are in my position?! I've never met anyone in real life whose family are JWs but then left. Or even anyone who is a JW apart from my Grandparents (as was). About the England/U.S. differences, I think that we follow the U.S. lead here, so it will probably be quite similar. Lily
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Mary
Will we have to pretend to be JWs?
No.
Are there any parts of the services that might be upsetting to non-JWs?
It depends on what your beliefs are. If you belong to another religion, you'll probably be upset at the Witness belief that the deceased haven't gone to heaven but are dead in the ground awaiting an earthy resurrection. The funeral talks are generally very judgemental. The person giving the talk will mention "what kind of name" your grandfather made with Jehovah. If he was a faithful Witness, then he'll be praised. A good portion of the talk will be to promote the Witness religion though, not to honor the dead.
As I said, I literally have no idea at all about what to expect so any information is welcome. On top of all the problems the split in the family that this issue has caused, it's now really upsetting to have this uncertainty at such a time. Does anyone out there relate to this?
It's always difficult when someone dies and half the family are Witnesses and the other half aren't. Strangely enough, seeing as you were never a Witness, you might get a bit more sympathy from those in the congregation. To them, you don't know any better. However, those who were Witnesses and have left voluntarily, most Witnesses will pointedly ignore them. Real good Christian attitude eh?
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Joyzabel
Welcome to the board.
Sorry it has to be in the circumstances about your Grandpa.
Mary summorized your questions well. JWs are polite to "worldly" people, hoping in your grief to interest you in a bible study and convert you. Please don't fall for whatever they have to offer unless you want to join a cult.
I'm sure you can read the many posts here to know what all is involved with the JWs and why many say they are a cult.
Joy
btw, the person who owns this site is in GB. Go figure. lol
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Lily888888
Thanks Jozabel, Mary. (Joyzabel your screen name had me laughing)
Perhaps I sounded crazy asking about 'do we have to pretend to be JWs'. I just asked because I had this notion that you might only be allowed in the Kingdom Hall if you are a JW- just like you are only allowed in the New World if u are a JW???
Yes Mary, you were exactly right that it has upset us to not be able to think of Granddad peaceful in heaven, and I think he himself was scaed by the thought near the end of his life. But I am not here to make a critique...
About the service...in English churches we tend to have a mixture of readings from the Vicar (Minister), readings from the family, songs and maybe playing some music that the person liked. Will there be any hymns/readings from friends at a JW service?Is it a JW custom to wear black?
I certainly hope no-one is rude to my Mother because she isn't a JW...that would be truly awful...
Lily
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TresHappy
My grandmother's JWesque funeral last year was a horrible experience. We were all grieving for a much beloved grandmother, she was in our lives for soooo long (lived nearly to be 100) and having to deal with her son-in-law's sermon (my father btw) was the worst part of it. Everyone who had the nerve told me later how much they hated my father's sermon. Well I agreed! Seems to me many JW funerals are like that, cold and spending most of the time trying to convert the unconverted that my grandmother was in the grave and not in heaven. MY GRANDMOTHER WAS NEVER A WITNESS, she just got the crappy JW send-off!
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Joyzabel
Lily,
don't allow anyone to be rude to your mother. If you think they are rude, point it out. They don't get much feed back on their social skills. It is a closed community. They associate within themselves and don't realize how normal people are suppose to act.
Hugs to you and your family in your time of grief.
Joy
ps, glad my name gave you a chuckle. hehe
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Lily888888
Treshappy, The more I read through this forum, the more I am SHOCKED by how many people have had the same experience as me + my family. I always thought I was the ONLY person in my situation. My Great-Grandmother and my Great-Aunt also had JW funerals that they would NOT have wanted. (But I was too young to go, if not too young to remember them and the fact that they weren't Witnesses...about 9/10 years old). That's why I am asking these questions. Lily