Am I doing what's needed??

Dawn

This question would seem funny to non-jw's - but I bet some of you x-jw's will understand.

I look at the world around me and see so much need. I look at my own life and see so much blessings and wealth. I give to charity - but I always think - "is it enough?" - just look at all that still needs to be accomplished. Children starving, diseases needing to be cured, poor countries that are desparate for clean water and housing. And the tsunami victims on top of it all. I sit in my nice middle class house, with my two happy healthy kids, and think "If I loved human kind enough - shouldn't I sell it all for them" - then I wonder "Is it my conscience that is hitting me now - or my old JW mindset that makes me think I am never doing enough" - what is it that hits my soul so deeply and saddly over all of this?

Do you ever have this problem/question? Do you wonder from time to time - is it the "your'e not doing enough" JW mindset that sets in - or is it something else?

My non-JW husband thinks I'm "over thinking this" right now - so would love your input.

eyeslice

Hi Dawn,

Thanks for a nice post.

I think I know exactly where you are coming from and I have often felt the same way myself. It could well be a legacy of the old Witness mentality of "you should be doing more".

On the other hand, perhaps it is simply frustration with our own human limitations. We would all single-handedly like to put right all of the world's problems. However, we have to accept our own limitations. If we can only spare a few dollars to give to charity, then that is all we can do financially.

I lived, worked and served as an elder a while back in an extremely poor country. I could have given all my worldly wealth away in a single day, and this would have made no difference to the overall situation. What I tried to do though, and taught my kids as well, was to treat all people, no matter how poor or repulsive, with good manners, respect and simple human dignity. This surely must be the greatest lesson that Jesus taught us.

I believe that if, in the first instance, we treat all people in this manner and secondly do what we can financially, we have nothing to feel guilty about.

Eyeslice

little witch

Hi Dawn

Relax Hon. If you are concerned about others well-being to this extent, you are of sound charactor and of a charitable heart!

There is an old saying, "God must love house flies and poor people" meaning they are both in abundance. The best way to care for others is to care for yourself. There is only so much one can do for hurting people. You must choose a cause and stick with it. There are many ways to contribute to your cause. You should (IMHO) give of your time, advice, talent, and money to your endeavors. The reason I say this is from knowing so many dear friends who over-extend themselves in giving and in doing so they end up feeling used and defeated. One friend in particular (she is in her 70's) has been absolutly worn to a frazzle. She is constantly doing for others, at the expense of her health and family time.

Giving of our bounty, and sharing our blessings is the best part of being human. Do not dismay that you are not doing enough. That is only guilt you are feeling over something nobody on earth can control. I can tell your heart is in the right place, and that you are a caring person. Good Luck in your endeavors Dear.

LW

bebu

There's a balancing act here. It always changes, too.

Eyeslice's words were good. Also, 1 Cor 13 reminds us that giving away everything without love gains nothing. So, I think the best answer is to earnestly pursue love. I have no idea where you would go, but I trust God will lead. And giving (whether much or little) will be a joy--not a guilt assuager.

bebu

Prosperous

Hi Dawn, I'm new here, so go easy on me!

Your post compelled me to answer. You sound like a kind, caring person. That is a good thing, we could do with all the good guys we can lay our hands on.

There is no simple solution to the world's problems. We know that money alone will not help the plight of the millions who starve every day. I personally know that you can support someone to the point of being at their beck and call; and still they can't cope. For any problem you can think of there is more than one answer.

In the face of this it could all seem impossible and pointless. If it weren't for the fact that we do has a resonance beyond our comprehension. At first, it may seem as if nothing is happening, then,maybe years down the line a small shift occurs. Light at the end of the tunnel. On a personal level, I have received charity, help and counsel which at the time would only have seemed to solve the problem on the surface. The effect on me though, was profound. It shaped me into the person I am now (which may or may not be a good thing!)

Try not to be overwhelmed, but do keep trying. As an ex-JW, ex-Catholic I can see what you are saying about a sense of guilt, which is not always a bad thing, but it serves you poorly if it kills your motivation or creates imbalance in your own life.

As an ex-JW it can be difficult to make sense of the world. At one time, we had all the answers, life was simple. We may even have brought some good into people's lives. Now we have to figure it out on our own, which I believe is the purpose of every individual on Earth.

Better stop now, or I'll be here all day. Take care, don't overdo the worrying thing!

new light

On the surface, your question did sound like someone still influenced by the WT, but after reading the whole post it is obvious that you are NOT a slave anymore. You have broken the chains and have joined the human race in the truest sense, that of being at one with all of us and feeling the pain of strangers in a personal way.

How much you do to help is completely up to you and your family. No one else can answer that for you, but rest assured you are now part of the solution and more than a little inspiring.

unique1

I feel the exact same way. Glad to know there are others.

I think that eyeslice has it right on the money. But at times I do feel as if I am trying to make up for lost time. As a witness I never gave to charity other than clothes to Goodwill. The Red Cross was bad because they distribute blood and all other charities in our area were started by a religion, so that was out. Now I give to the Red Cross, Salvation Army, United Christian Outreach Center, and more. I think I do it because I feel like I am making a difference when I do so. Someone is going to have dinner tonight because I gave food, someone will be rescued because I helped pay for the gas to get there, someone will have shelter tonight because I helped this organization, etc.

As a witness I never felt like I was truly helping someone and now I do. It is a great feeling and I think it makes us want to do more and more. Maybe that is why you want to keep giving more. But we all have our limitations and can only do so much. Look at it as a positive thing that you want to help people, not as a borg influenced decision.

Balsam

Hi there,

I know I do all I am physically able without giving it all away. It is important to stay balanced in our giving. I have have seen people give and give till there was nothing left but themselves. It caused their children to hate them because they even took time way from their children to help others. So be balanced. If something you are thinking of doing seems like might hurt your children or family then don't do it. Take care of yourself and your family. If you have some left over to share with others then by all means do it. It is other people generous spirits that help so many who have little or nothing. My sweet husband lived a very poor childhood. His parents were divorced, and no money came in because his mother would not work and depended on welfare. Well they only had Christmas because of the generous people from the church we attended as kids. So now as adults we always make sure to give toys for kids less unfortunate so they can have christmas, every year. I just went out and bought 1/2 price toys for 4 children to put up for next year. The little things we can do really make life joyous for just a little while for the underprivledged. And we always contribute to Salvation Army who feed so many each year.

Your doing fine.

Ruth

Dawn

Thank you all for your kind words. I do feel like whatever I give is never enough - but I think it's just that I'm looking at the whole overwhelming picture when I should be looking at helping one person at a time, or one cause at a time. That was good advice - thanks!

Fleur

dear dawn, you are so sweet to even contemplate these issues, bless your heart.

you are doing just fine. remember the old saying 'charity begins at home'? if you gave it all away, what about your own kids? they deserve a home and comfort just as all children of the world deserve it, even if we can't personally give it to all of them ourselves. heaven knows, if we could, we would. i think this issue hits people who are parents even harder than the general population cause you always look at these things and think 'what if it was my child'.

all you can do is the best you can, every day. teach your kids to give, too, and you're already helping the next generation of the worlds citizens.

you don't have to give it all away to do 'enough'. you just have to do what you can, what your heart tells you to do, from a place where the giving isn't mandatory; it's from a pure intention of just wanting to help people as much as you can as another human being.

i don't know if i'm making sense...just wanted you to know that i think you're wonderful, and i want to be just like you when i grow up :)

hugs

essie

p.s. welcome prosperous!

Am I doing what's needed??

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