by Daizzy 33 Replies latest social relationships
Ummm..
You're sleeping with a married man and you want sympathy? You're a Jezebel, just like they call you. You get no sympathy from me. He should be strung up by his boots. Marriage is a sacred thing and it should NOT be violated by anyone. You should both throw yourselves on the knees of God and bed forgivness for your nasty and shameful sins.
GAG
Okay.. that ws a bit harsh.. but you really should not sleep with married men because it's always a BIG MESS.
CG
first, i'm not telling you what to do. only you know what to do. but you asked people to tell you what they think, so here's what i think...
if he is divorcing his wife who is no longer a JW, and he still says he wants to "come straight with everyone and make things right", that tells me he hs no intention of leaving his 'religion' anytime soon. you said: I really love this guy and know beyond 100% that he does love me, but why the hesitation? He says it bothers him that he knows he is doing wrong, and he needs to fix it but at the same time he just keeps waiting on his ex to make a wrong move." ...what does he mean when he says he's waiting for her to make a wrong move?
he says he wants to "marry you not because it is what he believes god wants but because he really truly does love you".. if that were the case, there would be no hesitation on his part, and i think you know that. you said " I don't know what to make of this situation and I have already told him that I am ready to go stay at my Dad's until he does take care of his part of the problems .
excuse me??? you live with him and you are carrying his baby and you would remove yourself from your home and go live with your father until he gets his head on straight? what about your problems? you're in love with a man who can't step up to the plate, be a man and take care of his responsibilities (you and his unborn baby) and stop living a lie, and all you seem to worry about is what he needs. if it were me i'd tell him to !@#$ off and change my number and all the locks and move on and find a man who isn't afraid to be real.
i'm sorry to sound harsh but that's just wrong. anyway that's one of many opinions. good luck.
He's riding the fence...he wants someone else to take the responsibility for his actions. If he waits on his wife to instigate the divorce then he's not going anywhere for awhile. Do you really want to spend energy that could be best spent elsewhere waiting on this guy? You've got 2 kids to think of now, live for them.
I get 2 different lines of what he is going to do back and forth.
Know it well. You've got a long road ahead of you, but get as much information from this site & others to determine your best course of action. Of course no one can tell you WHAT to do, only opinions. Having "been there done that" I can appreciate how you feel, and like I said earlier, I hope he proves me wrong. Doesn't sound like he will so far tho.
SK
Dear lost and confused, if I was him and you was the women of my dreams I would hope that you would come to the conclusion that if I will betray my wife for you then its self evident that I will betray you too if the right opportunity came around latter when the moment is right, for me. Obviously he does not care for his kids if he has any, its a well known fact what divorce does to children and their emotions and lives from then on, while their mom or dad is having a selfish fling under the guise of being too lonely. Being a man my self, I think he is having mid-life crises feeling he must prove he can still cut the mustard at your expense, I have to admit it I have done the same thing when the moment that I felt was right I ditched my ex-wife for being a bitch to me; when a willing women came along it caused way too much problems for my kids, I could kick myself in the ass for it. Remember "to thy own self be true". Shane
the thing that bothers me the most about him is he cheats on Jehovah too. when i was a jw, i was a devout practitioner of my faith and worked hard every day to be moral and do the right thing, and i was lots younger than he is. he needs to either come clean or get off the pot.
It is so cool to hear ones admit that they F*CKED UP, and were wrong (some even feel regret).
I'm impressed with your HONESTY. It seem so many even on this forum would rather make excuses for their bad behaviour or poor choices. How refreshing to hear how people with "real" lives, share their experiences to HELP rather than justify.
TRULY refreshing!
u/d
You would not be the first women to be sucked in by the promises of a married man. It is an age old scam. You are perhaps a little wiser than others because you are seeking opinions and advice from experienced people. I hope you can make a decision that is best for your children first and you second.
From reading all of your posts, one things stands out to me the most: He wants the best of both worlds. He wants his wife, his children, his family, his lover, his unborn child, his religion, his friends, his job, EVERYTHING. Life doesn't work that way. He has way too many doors open and this can only result in some being slammed shut and people getting hurt in the process.
Jez
The more I think about this, the more I think he's really being a selfish ass if he's waiting for his wife to step up to the plate, initiate a divorce and deal with the elders. If she hasn't been really involved in 6 or 7 years, what would be her incentive now to stir up the trouble she will for herself by confessing her sins?
I think that if he really cared about ANYONE other than himself, his wife (after 20 years surely he still cares even if their love is compromised), his kids (why put them through more torture) or you, HE would step up to the plate and deal with HIS wrong doings. A good person steps up to accept the consequences of their own behavior. It's something I have instilled in my CHILDREN - you do the crime, you pay the price. Delaying that..well..I guess we all do that some of the time, but waiting for someone else to take the fall????? I think you get what I mean.
If he loved you, and had any regard for his wife and kids, he'd bite the bullet and confess to the elders, take the heat for being the "sinner" and live with the punishment. Yes it will be very hard on him, but he will have the opportunity to repent if it is important for him to stay with the org, or he can leave it without any rough edges. Right now he wants his wife to take the heat when there is little doubt he has committed a serious wrong himself.
What I am trying to say is that he is not being a man about this, and he is treating his family poorly. You will likely find him to be just as selfish and weak if you end up with him.
I remember my ex-husband's second ex-wife coming to me after a court hearing where he had just had her support reduced dramatically. She asked me how I could let him do that. I told her I didn't have anything to do with his choices, but why did she expect him to be any nicer to her than she'd seen him be to me? A rat usually is a rat for life.
I'm sorry to be so negative at a time when you want more hopeful options, however I think it is really important for you to try to see things as they are, not how you'd hope they will be. Then you can better position yourself to take care of you and your kids.
if you leave your home and move in with your father, you're making everything too easy for him, because he's got someone else to take care of his responsibilities and you're conveniently out of the picture. (just don't let him come around for sex.) if he says he "loves you 100%", make him prove it.
Another thing to consider is that if he pursues a life with you, he is going to lose everything else that has been his way of life for so long. When I got disfellowshipped, my whole world dropped out from underneath me. I started drinking heavily, doing drugs, screwing any skank that batted an eyelash at me. It really threw me for a loop. Consider this, he is going to be an emotional basket case when he gets out of this. Are you ready and/or willing to put yourself through that?
