To fade or not to fade--Judicial question.

by FreedomFrog 24 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  upside/down

  This is a gimmick... been there done that.... they have no intention of "helping", you. You will be given the ultimatum to be reassimilated or destroyed (DF'd). They will not trifle with your new found "knowledge" and they WILL WIN!

  It's called BAIT AND SWITCH... don't take the bait. And make sure they understand you will not tolerate any maltreatment by th bOrg. They can smell fear and will not call your bluff (I hope it's not a bluff) if they BELIEVE you. Put a bad taste in there mouth and they will most likely leave you alone.

  They don't own you - and they need to understand that! You need to understand that!

  u/d
• 

  cruzanheart

  I'm sorry, hon, you are in a difficult position. I was "lucky" in my own way, I guess, that my only Witness family was either dead (my uncle and dad) or in a nursing home with Alzheimer's (my mom, who is aware of nothing now). I had no one to miss when I walked out because my dear husband was at home waiting for me to join him. My die-hard Witness friends have accepted what I am now and while a few of them are a little awkward, we still get together. In fact, I hired one of them as a file clerk in the law firm I work for, and we get along great.

  If you want to try to fade the way you described, go ahead with it, but if it makes you sick at your stomach or gives you headaches, it's not worth it. Bottom line is this: you live your life for yourself and to raise any children you may have. The other adults you're related to by blood or marriage are on their own and they can take you as you are or leave you. You aren't living your life for them.

  Be yourself -- it's a beautiful thing.

  Hugs,

  Nina
• 

  bikerchic

  This article might help you:

  http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm

  Also check out on this site the Best Of series there is lots of good information there as well.

  What ever you do I wish you much luck!

  Kate
• 

  DocBob

  Send them a copy of my legal letter. When I sent it to them back in 1999, I never heard from them again.

  http://www.docbob.org/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=6
• 

  Golf

  The most reliable shot in golf is to 'fade.' Mind you, that's in golf. In your case, do whatever 'floats your boat.'
  
  
  
  
• 

  JustTickledPink

  Once they have called that JC and you are "there or not" that means that if you don't show up, you'll be DF'd.

  If you go in and bow down to them and say yes, everything is the truth, etc, you might not get DF'd but they will be riding your ass and checking on you just to make sure.

  If you go in question the organization, you can be DF'd on the spot for being an apostate.

  I would suggest lying through your teeth, or making up some ridiculous story of explanation, but there's no reason you need to ADMIT to anything that is going to get you DF'd.
• 

  franklin J

  Freedom frog,

  You are in a bad situation---we do not want you to make it WORSE for yourself AT THIS TIME in your life.

  Your post said you are close with your family--that is good. If you still live at home, it may be excrutiating for you to break from the religion and have to deal with a disfellowshipping; and the subsequent dissaproval from your family.

  I suggest a different strategy to you; more appropriate to you at this phase of your life. "Yes" them all. Do what ever you have to do to please them all to stay in good standing.

  Your post did not say if you are a student; high school or college.

  I suggest you wait until you move out of your parents house; away from their daily influence; to make the break from the religion. It will be easier for you to cope with. Also, go see a competent counseler or therapist to help you deal with the transition you will go through.

  good luck, Frank
• 

  FreedomFrog

  If you still live at home, it may be excrutiating for you to break from the religion and have to deal with a disfellowshipping;

  I've been married going on 14 years to AlmostA (Dave) with 2 kids, a 6 year old son and a 4 month old girl. Fortunately I'm not living with my parents, so the "break" won't be "the end of the world".

  It's just that mom and I have had a strong relationship for as long as I can remember. I dread knowing that I can't go sit on her porch with a cup of coffee watching the birds and just chit-chat. I have 2 sisters that are married one of which has two children and the other has one on the way. I dread that I won't be able to watch them grow up.

  I'm the eldest of all the siblings. All on MY side of the family all are JW's. Aunts, Uncles, cousions, etc. I'm not looking forward losing the relationship I've had with my family, especially with my mom. I know I have to go on with my life and think about my husband and children...but it still doesn't make it easy.
• 

  belbab

  Freedom Frog,

  Have you thought of talking it over with your mother and sisters? Ask them what relationship you could have with them. If you are booted out, will they still have coffee with you?

  Tell them you do not want to meet with the elders right now, stall for time, tell them you have to sort things out in your own mind.

  Write a note to the elders and ask them for some time, nothing definite, you need some space to sort things out.

  These are only suggestions, based on what you have written. Only you know the whole story, follow your heart.

  My thoughts are with you,

  belbab
• 

  blondie

  FreedomFrog, I don't envy you. I am a fader but my family made it easy for me. For the last 10 years they have treated me as if I were DF'd every time I did something they did not approve of. It didn't matter that there was nothing wrong according to the Bible (or even the WTS), that I went to the meetings, participated, went in field service, attended assemblies/conventions, They treated other JWs similarly that did not live up to their personal standards. So my fading was easier because I had separated emotionally from them for my mental and emotional health. So I was not in contact with my family before I left. I have no need to save them from the WTS. I learned how fruitless than can be when I tried to save my family from alcohol.

  Do you think knowing what you do and feeling what you do about what the WTS teaches, that you will be able to hide it from your family, the family you say is so close to you?

  A technique I use is to imagine myself in the future, 5 years or so. Where will I be if I do this?

  You could go to the JC and 'repent' and show "works that befit repentance." Once they decide not to DF you, as I understand it, that can't go back and retry you for the same actions, you have to do something new. After about a year, you could fade....but what will your mom and others do then? Will your relationship stay the same even then? Is your family's love for you conditional, depending on your going to the KH?

  It's no easy decision. But you do have AlmostAtheist, who loves you very much. I am thankful every day that my husband left when I did. Some did not see that happen ever, others waited many years for their mate to join them.

  Love, Blondie