by wordlywife 57 Replies latest jw friends
WW:
Yes, he adds a lot of guilt about their behavior and Jehovah God, which i don't like.
Kids don't need guilt trips, they need nurturing.
I suspect that you'll suffer any amount of abuse yourself, but the break-point will come over YOUR kids. As I said before, I don't envy you, but I suspect there will be some frank discussions forthcoming...
...in all honesty, your kids deserve that (and more).
(((hugs)))
Someone posted this above:
" I would not voice my thoughts or feelings on a matter, just silently resented things in order to "keep the peace". This had the effect of my wife not respecting what I stood for, because I was not consistent in what I communicated to her. I often avoided discussing things because I felt that I always needed to prepare myself more before getting into a certain topic for discussion. This made her think that I shied away from confrontation because I did not have a leg to stand on. I would get emotional and upset when she asserted her WTS programmed responses. This communicated to her that I was just belligerent, stubborn, and blinded by emotion when faced with "truth" that I did not like. This is all wrong."
This sounds like me very much, thank you for posting that. I am not meek and mild, and have joked to my husband before that the only place I would be submissive was in the bedroom. I earn a good living, more than he makes. I want him to know I respect him, however I have a right to have my beliefs and opinions, and have a right to teach them to my children, even if he thinks they are not the "truth".
My husband was a MS in the mid 80's ( I of course was not married ot him then), but I do not know for how long. Not very long I don't think. He has only recently been given the "priveledge" back of commenting at meetings, he was reinstated a year ago however. Maybe this has something to do with the sudden change in his frequency of mentioning all things witness related? I know he is mad at me for interrupting him, but unusually this weekend when the national anthem began for one of the playoff games, he got up and tossed the remote at me and left the room. This has never happened before.
Am I evil all of a sudden, in his eyes? Refusing to submit? I must be. He still is not talking to me or the children.
I just may need some counseling, I feel abandoned which brings up my own unhealthy feelings.
WW
I am a worldly wife in my husbands eyes as well.
His eyes, because I do not label myself that way and you shouldn't either.
His walking out during the anthem is kinda sad but funny. Sometimes I get the feeling that they know all these rules are retarded but feel they have to react that way to reinforce their ... hmmm, not sure of the word,...loyalty? spotlessness? superior worshippers?
All their rules take the spirit out of living, giving and loving.
good luck (another thing you can't say)
All good advice here, I won't repeat it. I am also a non-JW married to one. I know a few weeks ago your hubby had a bit of disillusionment over the blood issue, drafted a DA letter, and so on. His latest behavior is textbook JW. And, yes, every word, phrase, and choice is scripted for him by the society. I would say he is wavering back and forth, and lately, he has decided to try and be a "better JW". That would explain his foul mood and his attempt to lay the blame on you. ("I would be able to live the JW life if I was not saddled with....")
Think of your hubby as having two personalities. The person you married and the new man you just met this week. This new man has no free will, speaks from a book, and hates anything non-JW. That would include you and your children. If I were you, I would bypass the new man as much as possible and address the man you know. Remind him of his interests, hobbies, and happy memories. Remind him of all the qualities that makes him uniquely him.
I would agree that this latest granting of "priveledge" would reawaken that JW personality. If you want to understand what your JW-robot-man is all about, read "The Secret of Family Happiness" book. In fact, if I were you, I would insist that he get you a copy. Also, insist that the two of you read chapter 11 together, "Maintain Peace in Your Household". On your own, read the thing through. Some parts may make you sick. But if you want to understand the JW mind, and you may have to in order to figure out your hubby's weirdness, this is the book.
jgnats suggestion is good. The dark-blue "Family Happiness" book (which superceded the old Green one that your husband was likely more familiar with) will give you an insight into the mindset. He may jump at the chance to study it with you, though some of the old fashioned advice is likely to make him bridle and suggest that it's the way things should be "because the bible says so".
It looks like you have plenty support, here, from women who [are/have been] exactly in your shoes. I can't tell you how relieved I am to see that.
I'm afraid if I show any interest in looking at any JW pub he will think I'm trying to be petty. I have tried this before, using something that showed do not let the sun set on your anger, and he did not like it at all. Said something like, you don't believe in the bible, so why are you saying that. I said that it's not necessarily true that I don't believe the bible. I will look to see if we have the family vaules book. I'm sure we must somewhere in the house.
I would be relieved if he would just TALK to me. I am going to meet with his most trusted friend's (Elder's)wife tonight, we have had dinner with them numerous times and she SEEMS caring, but who knows. Perhaps LT you can give me some advice on what to tell her or ask, and yes I assume it will "get around", my husband thinks that it will not if it is this particular woman however. I want to tell her how he is treating me, it acnnot be "scriptural". I also find myself wanting to ask her why she cares about me, I am wordly? She initiated the contact with me weeks ago prior to all this happening, by the way.
WW
Greetings. This scenario reminds me of another pickle in a jar. Yes, you've been given a lot to read over. I think I have some experiences to share with you, after all, I've been marriied 42 years.
My wife was not a JW when I married her. She can tell you stories that can make your hair turn 'rainbow' colors. I don't know your husband, it sounds more like he gets ticked off when you interfere in his duties.
Here's a Biblical suggetion, "By patience a commander is induced, and a MILD TONGUE can break a BONE." Proverbs 25:15. In the eyes of a male witness, your stepping on HIS authority. Approach him at the opportune time with patience and a mild tongue and watch the results. Do you know how hard and tough a bone is? (Why do you think our wives call us boneheads, pun intended.)
Since he still has his DA letter collecting dust, could this still play on his mind and he's taking it out on you? I'm just creating a scenairo here. Anyways, the best of luck.
Guest77
WW:
I'm afraid if I show any interest in looking at any JW pub he will think I'm trying to be petty.
That seems to right a bell. Did you post about it, at the time?
Perhaps LT you can give me some advice on what to tell her or ask, and yes I assume it will "get around", my husband thinks that it will not if it is this particular woman however.
I suspect the gals will have far better advice. All us guys can give is a little insight into what may be going through his mind.
It will get around the body of Elders, at least, which will impede his progression. He sounds pretty naive
Depending on whether or not she's the sort he believes, it may still go round the congregation. It sounds as if someone has had a word with him and encouraged him to encourage you to get involved. The dinners and the appearance of this "Elder's wife" would seem to indicate that as the strategy. Most often this tactic is used to influence the non-JW partner. They'll try to show themselves as normal, befriend you and suck you in.
I certainly wouldn't confide in her, as that will ultimately just erode his trust of you, no matter that he thinks that it'll help your relationship by leading you to become a JW. You should probably tell him that his confidence is more important to you than having a confidante in this stranger.
The earlier comment about you dealing with two men is true. It would seem that you need to draw out the man you knew, more. You know what his previous likes were, far better than us. Is there a way of playing to that and increasing some of the old spark?
The blood issue is certainly one to play on, too, if managed the right way. With a real situation in-his-face, wouild he really deny your kids a transfusion? If you were all in an accident and only he remained conscious, whould he deny it to all of you?
Such are the real-life horrors of that which he has re-entered.
As little toe has suggested, this recent interest by the elder's wife is probably an attempt to gain your trust, and bring you in to the "fold". Jehovah's Witnesses assume that anybody would join their way of life, if exposed to it long enough. After all, it is the "truth". If I were you, I would coyly put her off any study. Tell her your husband's recent outbursts has made you cautious, that it doesn't look like a very loving religion to you. But give no details. Tell her that is private, between a husband and a wife. This way, by the back door, he may be advised to be more patient with you.
I am worried that your hubby has effectively cut you off from all things JW. He's not telling you what he is worried about. He assumes, as a "worldly" one, that you have no spiritual interests at all.
Said something like, you don't believe in the bible, so why are you saying that.
This is just wrong. I would call him on it. Tell him he doesn't know you as well as he thinks.
I wound up not meeting up with the elder's wife, too sick to go. He hasn't talked to me at all, not a word, since Friday night. I am left wondering. Wishing I hadn't been so headstrong, interruptive, whatever. I feel like I have done something incredibly and irrevocably wrong.
WW
