Are you my Daddy? (page 2)

Been there

Brad,

Seems to me the ex would not say something like that if she wasn't pretty sure she knew what she was talking about. What a sticky situation. Personally I think I would get a DNA test for your own peace of mind. What if she is yours and you spend forever with the doubt. If she isn't yours and she is Daddy's little girl then that is all that matters until one day when she may need to know differently or find out accidently.

I didn't find my dad till I was 43 years old. I always felt incomplete. Your little girl won't feel most of that if she has you for a dad. If she ever finds out the truth she may still need to find out who she really is but she will always have your love.

Would your ex ever get mad at the baby in years to come and throw that out at her in anger like she did to you? The child is innocent.

outbutnotdown

i would think that there's some truth in it somewhere...i've never said this to my son's daddy, even in the throes of an argument. and then for her to say it again in passing, well, there just doesn't seem to be any logical reason for it, unless she's trying to tell you something, or plant a seed of doubt in your mind. if it IS true, she's wronging you and your child, and if it's NOT true, she's playing some heinious headgame on you.... as for making amends, what could she say to make amends?
*tsk i read things like this and i'm ashamed to call myself a woman...errr...

Incense_and_Peppermints,

I was ALMOST ready to believe her explanation completely until she said it again. I agree, saying it again, when the only "bugging" I was doing was trying to regain trust, just didn't make sense to me either.

As for "making amends", after she said it the second time, it would have been nice for her to accept responsibility for, as you put it, HEAD GAMES at least, rather than saying it was my fault for "bugging her". But, hey, she never took responsibility for ANYTHING in the relationship. When she didn't in something this big, as much as it hurt, it was nice for me to know it was OVER!!

Brad

outbutnotdown

Happyout,

she may try to stop any visitation you currently have if you take a test that proves she's not yours.

Yup, this is one of my major concerns. That's why what Valis said was interesting. At what point of time would I be considered to be the father, whereby the sperm donor would have NO chance of claiming paternity?

If it turns out that she IS your daughter, there is the potential that your ex-wife could use your taking the test as a way of turning your daughter against you at a later date.

Another thing, Happyout, that WILL happen if she is indeed my daughter. Sick, eh? She may have just been playing mind-games, so if/when I am proven to be the father, she would then play head-games with our daughter.

do whatever you possibly can not to hurt that little girl. None of this is her fault.

Absolutely!! That's what this exercise is all about. I can't completely stop my ex's dysfunctional behaviour, but I can and will do everything in my power to limit and hopefully prevent it in this situation.

Beenthere,

I didn't find my dad till I was 43 years old. I always felt incomplete.

I can sympathize with the situation you were in. I don't want that for my youngest daughter. I will respect her wishes to find out the truth later in life if she wants, but IMO, if somebody else is the biological father, I think he has already proven by his absense that he is not a fit father.

Would your ex ever get mad at the baby in years to come and throw that out at her in anger like she did to you? The child is innocent.

Unfortunately, it is very likely. I have convinced the Judge to order her to quit saying nasty things to the kids about me. It hasn't stopped her, but her refusal to keep the kids "innocent" is a determining factor on why I will VERY likely get sole custody soon.

Brad

freedom96

It really depends on the relationship with the 4 year old. What sucks is she is probably going through a tough time, so to find out her daddy is not really her daddy would likely hurt her very much. So I don't think at this point I would say anything to her at all.

I would have to find out for my own knowledge though. After that, who knows what might happen. But I would have to know, for sure.

Incense_and_Peppermints

When she didn't in something this big, as much as it hurt, it was nice for me to know it was OVER!!

i'm sorry you got hurted... ... (( Brad ))

p.s. if i were the man, i'd get a dna test, jsut so i'd know the truth.

PointBlank

Dear Brad,

We had a somewhat similar situation in our family just recently with my son and his girlfriend (now ex). My son let her convince him that the baby was his without doing a dna test. So when the baby was born, he signed the birth certificate and gave the baby his last name. Well, it's been a year now and I happened to do some research on the net about dna tests. There's such a thing as a non-court admissible test. That's the test we used and we purchased it from the link provided by another poster ->www.gtldna.com. The good thing about this type of test is that my son and the baby provided buccal (cheek) swabs, all without the mothers participation or knowledge. We had the results about 3 days after the lab received the specimens (online). The hard copy is on the way. This lab is associated with the University in Las Crucus NM. We were thrilled to learn that the baby is indeed my son's son. They use 16 genetic markers (more than a lot of others). Our results were a 99.999378476646% probability. My son's ex-girlfriend still doesn't know. And now there's no reason why she ever needs to know.

Just thought this might prove interesting...about you being able to look into it without anybody the wiser.

One other thought. When it came down to actually doing the test, it hurt my heart. We've fell in love with this baby and the only thing I could think of was what if he isn't my sons...what would happen to him? Would someone replace our place in his life and give him love? Who would provide for him and make sure he has what he needs? It was an answer to prayer that the results were what they were.

PB

Aude_Sapere

but her refusal to keep the kids "innocent" is a determining factor on why I will VERY likely get sole custody soon.

THIS is great news. I am really happy to that there is hope. (You've 'sounded' happier lately...)

to find out her daddy is not really her daddy would likely hurt her very much

May also very likely segregate her from her siblings. I've seen this and it's very, very sad - especially in pre-teen years.

I would have to find out for my own knowledge though. After that, who knows what might happen. But I would have to know, for sure.

I think I would truly want to know (if I were a guy and in your position) but then... I am not confident that I could keep up the charade if I learned that someone else was actually the biological father of my child. I don't think I'm that good of an actor.

Tough situation. Truly wish you the best in making your decision.

-Aude.

outoftheorg

IT IS A BUMMER WHICH EVER WAY YOU GO.

MY 1ST WIFE - A YOUNG JW- MADE SOME COMMENTS LIKE THIS ABOUT OUR 1ST CHILD.

THEN ELEVEN YRS. LATER, WALKED OUT ON ALL OF US.

EARLY ON I DECIDED THAT IT MATTERED NOT WHO WAS MY DAUGHTERS FATHER. I DECIDED TO RAISE THIS GIRL AS MY DAUGHTER AND NOT BE TROUBLED BY THIS ISSUE.

I ALWAYS TREATED HER THE SAME AS OUR OTHER CHILDREN.

I DID THIS BY PUTTING MY DAUGHTERS WELL BEING UP FRONT AND MOST IMPORTANT.

WHAT EVER TRANSPIRED WAS NOT MY DAUGHTERS FAULT AND SHE SHOULD NOT EVER BE TROUBLED BY IT, WAS MY DECISION.

IT HAS WORKED OUT WELL, EVEN THOUGH THIS DAUGHTER AND HER SIBLINGS WERE DEVASTATED BY THEIR MOTHER ABANDONING THEM.

YOU MIGHT HAVE OTHER THINGS TO CONSIDER THAT WOULD ADD TO THE DIFFICULTY IN MAKING THESE DECISIONS.

BUT ALWAYS PUT THIS CHILDS WELL BEING UP FRONT.

Outoftheorg

Elsewhere

You have to remember that there may come a time when your childs *true* family medical history is needed in a medical emergency or crisis.

Will you give the Dr. your history or the history of the child's true father?

What about when your children take Biology in school? I remember when my class was learning about blood types, we were encouraged to find out our parents blood types so that the laws to blood types could be demonstrated. I compared my blood type to my parents to make sure it matched up. Your child could make a shocking discovery on his/her own.

Carmel

If you consider being a parent only a biological reality, go for the DNA test. If you are above that limitation, love her without conditions. That is real parentage.

carmel

Are you my Daddy?

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