I think this sort of thing is harsh and disgusting. I could never understand how ADULTS can reject a child, ANY child, let alone flesh and blood. It happened in my family and it angered me, especially when it was so blatant and had the support of its members.I used to think, ''would Jesus do this?''.....
I'm getting mad....
by toladest 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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Sunspot
My parents did the very same thing , except they disowned me for becoming a JW---shunning in reverse!
In your case, I would think a 13 year old could accept and somewhat understand why her g'parents aren't around at Christmas (or any other time). If it come up again next year-she can simply tell them that they are JWs and don't believe in celebrating Christmas! It puts the blame and the discomfort where it belongs---on the shoulders of the JWs.
Yeah, it's a shame that this goes on in countless households but it's a fact that many of us are forced to live with and deal with. The suggestion (I forgot who said it) to get "surrogate" grandparents or older folks who would LOVE to have little ones to hang out with---is a terrific idea!
I recently spent a few months in a nursing / rehab home, and there were so many sweet folks that have NOBODY come and visit them. Maybe a call (to the staff) to one near you would be helpful in finding someone compatible. You'll never know what pleasure that would bring the older folks and the warm feeling that you and you kids would have. It';s just a thought..........
hugs,
Annie
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Mulan
She uses the scripture that says to fonicators and drunkards and such, but I have not done ANYTHING listed in that scripture. Also, when it says to not even greet such a person I don't believe it means it in the sense she does. The traditional Jewish greeting was to kiss a person on both cheeks in a way that kinda meant you accept them as a person with the same beliefs/standards. I don't know if I'm explaining it well....
My aunt used the same scriptures on my cousin after she was disfellowshipped. My cousin asked her to read her the scripture, and then asked her which of those things she is guilty of............none of course. (she was disfellowshipped for giving her mother a book her husband had written, that discussed JW doctrine in a new light) That conversation made a huge difference and my aunt accepted her again. Family relationships in the JW's are pretty loose towards disfellowshipped ones, especially when you don't tell everyone you meet that you talked to your disfellowshipped relatives. Some things just don't have to be discussed.
I would tell her that. It's worth a shot.
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Country Girl
Disfellowshipping, and the subsequent shunning is very painful for all family members, including the children of those who are DF'd, in reference to close family members. But you are right: they are under a spell, one that's hard to be broken.
I think I would explain to your children, in facts that they understand for their ages, what is going on, and let them assimilate that into their world view. Some facts are hard to digest for little ones, but reality is reality. It's easier for kids to swallow the truth, than a lie.
Of course you're angry. You have every perfect right to be. But don't let that fact be shown to your children, just tell them that you don't think that is a GOOD perspective, but one that your JW parents have adopted. Just let them decide if they are angry with Grandma and Grandpa, based on the facts that you have told them. My best bet is that they will decide that, for them, it's good to have parents that stick up for them, and that's most important.
If she is with them for an occasional visit or two, I would make it clear to them that the JW religion is not to be discussed, making sure through use of intense supervision. It's good for kids to have extended family, but not when they poison the children's minds against their own parents. Everything must be brought to light, and your children should be guided, by you, on the proper way to act with their grandpa and grandmother. You, of course, will be supervising any visits, so you can turn the conversations around.
Good luck and I knwo what a hard road *that* is to follow.
Your friend,
CG
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Goldminer
when you make excuses to protect her you are just in reality protecting the WTS and the hurt that they bring on families
stand up and expose them,if you don't say anything and feel guilty,then you're basically saying that they are right by doing what they are doing.
how do you think they would feel if everybody in their town knew how they treat their grandchildren?,I bet they would feel a little bit humbled.
I'm not df'd but I've dealt with self-righteous family members with that kind of attitude for 10 years now;like they think they're going to "shun us into submission".I don't people like that in my life!
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rebel8
I don't have kids, so what the hell do I know.
My only idea is....is it possible for you to "adopt" grandparents for your child? Are there some older neighbors or friends that would fill that role?
Me, I'm at the point where blood relation means very little. If people want a relationship because they care about me--not out of some sense of obligation because we're related--then I'll have a relationship with them. If not, it doesn't bother me. My mother semi-shuns me and I really don't care. In fact, she is so toxic and whacked, I appreciate keeping as much distance as possible. I know most people don't feel as I do though, and it's hell to feel hurt.
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Sunspot
**Me, I'm at the point where blood relation means very little. If people want a relationship because they care about me--not out of some sense of obligation because we're related--then I'll have a relationship with them. If not, it doesn't bother me. My mother semi-shuns me and I really don't care. In fact, she is so toxic and whacked, I appreciate keeping as much distance as possible. I know most people don't feel as I do though, and it's hell to feel hurt.
I feel exactly the same way. You said it so well.
hugs,
Annie
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Carmel
True parenting is a spiritual reality not a physical imperitive. I your mother rejects her own children then she is not a parent to begin with. Opt for new relationships with "real people".
carmel
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A Paduan
If your getting mad there's a reason - I'd come down hard on her - real hard
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Incense_and_Peppermints
tell Grandma to quit preaching to your daughter, then tell your daughter that Grandma's religion forbids associations with outsiders (kinda like the Amish), and when other kids ask her about her grandparents, she can be honest and say they live in another state and she doesn't get to see them very often. then give your daughter extra love and support and soon she will accept this hole in her life. i'm sorry though, that she (and you) have to go through this. it's just a shame...good luck!