I'm getting mad....

by toladest 27 Replies latest jw experiences

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  zealofjehu

  d/f polocies are there for one reason and one reason only to bring you back at all cost. the emotions that you feel are what they (the wbs) want you to feel and they will use your mother and children against you. i know i have been there. your mother is shuning you because they told her (not in so many words) it is the only way to get you back. now your children pay the price and the wbs is counting on our human make up to feel huge amounts of guilt. dont let them do this to you or your children tell them the truth about the wbs as best as they can understand and find some counciling or even a family theripist who can help you and your children deal with the abuse the wbs gives out on a dailey basis.

  also when your children come to understand what the wbs is all about they will in the end tell your mom to stop her preaching but in the mean time tell your mom that she is not to preach to your children.

  i am really sorry that everyone on this web site has had to lose or give up or suffer so much and i hope one day the wbs is brought to justice in the mean time hang in there.

  zoj

  ps after reading this to my self the letters wbs kind of sound funny like a curse word watchtower bull shit there i said it ohh no im in touble see i told ya so
• 

  bagpuss

  Your post made me feel so sad.

  Last April I became a Grandma for the first time. I was totally amazed by the love I felt for this little baby, and that has only grown over the months. I can honestly say that I would kill to protect that child and nothing would stop me having contact with him.

  As a JW I never really gave a lot of thought to shunning as it never really affected me that closely. Looking at your situation I am appalled that I could ever have considered such action justified. I feel that I need to apologize to you for ever going along with it, however passively.

  I am also glad that I am now no part of an organization that encourages what can only be labelled a form of child abuse.
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  toladest

  I really appriciate all the words of wisdom. Life has been good since leaving the WTS. I guess I need to look at it as her loss, her choice.

  Sad, I'm 34 and miss my mommy. I'm glad my husband, my kids and myself have each other. I know there are many that don't have anyone. How unbearably sad for them!

  The WTS is really so destructive....
• 

  gumby

  Interestingly, if it's a buisness related matter that needs to be handled, the witness can talk to and deal with a disfellowshipped relative........yet there is no provision made for grankids who are cutoff from their witness grandparents when the childs parent is DFed. Yes....buisness is more important than family ties in dubland.

  Sometimes I wonder if the dubs themselves, put boundries where their are none in their own organisation. How many witness grandparents do you supposed would be reprimanded by the elders were they to drop by their DFed daughters house to pick up the grandkids? I'll bet in many cases, nothing would be said about it. Do you suppose the witness grandparents use their grandchildren as a tool to punish their DFed child.....at the expense of their own grandchildren? I do. Truely pathetic.

  Gumby
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  BluesBrother

  Bagpuss put it so well.

  As a JW I never really gave a lot of thought to shunning as it never really affected me that closely. Looking at your situation I am appalled that I could ever have considered such action justified. I feel that I need to apologize to you for ever going along with it, however passively

  As an elder i have sat on many committees and d/f'd some. I can honestly say that we never considered the hardship it would bring. The "Cleanness of the congregation" and the "Protection of its name" were paramount. If family were saddened, it was always seen to be the d/fd ones fault. Sorry!
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  jgnat

  One of the big lessons I learned in life is that I can't make people stop doing stupid things. You are mad because your mom won't stop doing something that is obviously harmful for everybody. She can't or won't see what you see. She hurts by her own doing, and her actions hurts others.

  Consider your anger to be a stage of grief, and give up on your mother ever coming around. Expect the worst. Expect at any future function that your mother may reject you all over again. Rage and cry and get over the loss, even if she doesn't recognize it.

  Then, what others have said, go about finding a new grandma. Nursing homes are full of 'em.
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  AshtonCA

  Funny how its ok for her to associate with my siblings that were never baptized, including one who was dealing drugs for 7 years and 2 who had kids out of wedlock, but not me.

  I know how you feel. My mom is no longer a dub either but she still shuns people and drops people who don't believe exactly as she does. Right now, I am being shunned because of 2 things.

  1. I am in association with a friend of mine who is a lesbian.

  2. I didn't answer back her last email to me and pat her on the back for selling her home for half a mil.

  Actually, she had started talking to me again after the first one, but when I didn't answer back her email because I was busy with my new baby, she sends me an email saying, "We will never email you again since you are obviously jealous of our good fortune." This was not true because I had told hubby how cool it was that they'd sold their house for way more than they bought it for. They were in the process of moving from CA to TX, so I just skimmed the email and kept on going (kinda hard to type with a baby in your arms).

  My other brother who has been killed off by her on numerous occasions and is once again back in her good favors tells me I am lucky that she's not talking to me at the moment. I can't see that, however. I have this need to have her in my life no matter what the cost (this is a long story as to why this is). I need to get over this and just accept that I can't have my mom, or at least the mom I want to have.

  Hubby says she's jealous of me, which is why she lets my other brothers get away with the same crap and doesn't shun them (one of my brothers has lots of gay friends, but mom doesn't shun him for associating with them.)

  My mom told me that she was only going to talk to our kids and my oldest said, well if she's not going to talk to you then I am not going to talk to her.

  Ash
• 

  Oroborus21

  Greetings Toledest!

  Although I have been DF'd for 4 years now, recently my own parents have taken a firmer stand and in their words "chosen to limit their contact with me" (their letter is really quite interesting and I will make it available on my website some time) due to my letting them know more firmly my views and opinions about the Organization. This is unfortunate for them and for my 2 year old daughter and my wife (non-JW).

  I say the above to say that I can emphathize with you.

  When I read your post, my first thought was that, well your son's grandma doesn't celebrate Christmas anyway so even if he could go and visit her, he wouldn't have anything to tell the other kids or probably he would be embarrassed to tell them that.

  But I suppose what you are upset about is the lack of "normality" not so much for yourself but for your child. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about that. The fact that your mom is a JW means that there will not be a "normal" grandparent-grandchild relationship as "normality" is what we assume it to mean. (Although what is really normal after all? There are a LOT of screwed up grandparent-grandchild relationships that are not Jehovah's Witnesses.)

  From a practical approach, the best thing that you can do is to be the best that you can be and make things the best that you can. So your grandson may not be able to say "yeah Christmas at grandma's was awesome" but hopefully he can say instead "Nah, my Grandma doesn't celebrate Christmas but WE DO and we had an awesome time, let me tell you what me and my mom did....."

  Now, in my opinion, a 13 year old kid should be sophisticated enough to both understand the situation here and more importantly to be able to have a conversation with his grandmother on behalf of himself.

  He should be able to say to his grandma something like this:

  "Grandma, I know you are a JW and I respect that you have your own beliefs, even if I don't agree with them. I hope that you can respect me in the same way. I don't agree with or understand and I will never accept your shunning Mom. I can only hope that New Light, or circumstance or Love itself will one day make you see how wrong you have been and how much you have lost all these years, missing out on your time with Mom and with me. But having said that, your own religion teaches that you should NOT shun me simply because mom is disfellowshipped.

  I would like to have a relationship with you. I would like to spend time with you and even visit with you from time to time. I am old enough now that I have my own opinions and beliefs. If I visit I would like not to be made to go to the Kingdom Hall or to be preached to and I think I am old enought to have that choice. If you can accept that, respect my wishes, then I would love to have relationship. What do you say?"

  I think a 13 year old should be able to express his views and should have them in the first place.

  -Eduardo