How many "real friends" did you have in your congregation?

by JH 28 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gill

  I thought that I had lots but whenever I was in trouble or ill they all disappeared. When I stopped going out in service and going to meetings they vanished in the mist.

  It took years for me to realise that they weren't really friends. In the early days I just assumed they were too busy out in field service.

  Then a lovely sister became very seriously ill and had to be institutionalised. I was told that as long as she still said she loved Jehovah the brothers would still keep visiting her. It's all condidtional I'm afraid. They are in general, incapable of being true friends that stick with you through thick and thin. All depends on you hours and meeting attendance and if you hinder their eternal life. That's just NOT friendship.
• 

  upside/down

  Gill-

  ditto
• 

  cyber-sista

  On my way out of the Org I had a discussion with one of the elders about loving my non-believing family ( I was defending the point that I did love my unbelieving family) He said "well, I love my worldly family too, but I consider my REAL family and friends to be those in Jehovah's Organization." I had to think about that. After being in my previous congo for several years I had not been to 2 witness families homes for dinner one of them one time and the other one 2 times. So I had not even eaten a meal with the vast majority of those in the congo. I had never been to their homes. We had not really spent much time together ( a few shopping trips with a coupole of sisters looking for meeting clothes). I didn't have much personal involvement with any of the people. In the congo before this congo I had more personal involvement, but not anything on a very deep level. I ended up hanging out with people who I didn't really have anything in common with except for the fact that they wanted to associate with someone. A lot of the stronger JWs (Pioneers and such) didn't have time to associate with anyone they were so busy--unless it was association in field service and I don't think you really get to know the person in that setting, because everyone is putting on to be something that they are not. I was personally surprised to see a different side of some JWs when they were not in field service or at the meetings. In the Org it was hard to figure out who was real and who was not, because many were putting on an act of some sort in regard to their JW persona.

  Thinking back I thought I had about 3 real friends in the Org, but only one still communicates me (so the other 2 weren't real friends afterall--conditional friendships). The one who still speaks to me knows that I don't believe anymore, but still wants to be my friend --maybe she wants to encourage me, I don't know, but at least she cares enough to do that. I also think she is a truly loving person who is struggling with her faith and doesn't totally follow the rules on things.

  On the other hand, I came into the Org as an adult and had a handful of close non-JW friends who remained friends with me all through those crazy JW years and are still supportive friends today. Now, those are true friends in my book.

  cybs
• 

  The JellyBaby

  This is a great question?

  Absolutely NONE! Friendship cannot be conditional, can it. Its a sad statement, but I can honestly say that there is no one that attends the KH that I sometimes think about and say, 'ooh, I do miss them'...In fact I would go as far to say that I offered more 'Real' frienship to people than I received, but generally felt it was always slapped back in my face, as I obviously wasnt meeting their standards. Look where I am now! I have REAL Friendship with numerous people...(why would I be better off returning?)
• 

  xjw_b12

  Well in the true sense of the word, I guess that would be zero.

  However while we were "in". we actually had a dozen or so very close to us.

  And even though CJ and I were fringe JW's and most of those we hung with were elders or elder material, it in no way affected our realtionships.

  In fact because CJ and "were so fun to hang with" we would often go with just 1 or 2 couples for weekend getaways, because it was well known that CJ and I never, ever gossiped about what went on. What happened at the ski chalet, stayed at the ski chalet, etc.

  And even though these ones don't outright shun us, they of course "cannot" associate with us.

  I like to think they miss us as much as we miss them. I would welcome them back without hesitation, but this time on my terms, not the Watchtowers.
• 

  morty

  I had only one true friend. Our congo was very small.Many years past and we lost contact but then recently, we have been back in touch and have become more closer then we ever were as teens...

  ((((Vicki Boer)))))
• 

  Sunspot

  I had two.......one died of cancer in 1991, and the other moved the year I DAed myself. (1991) She moved to VA in July and I left the WTS in October. Both were very close friends and I miss them both. A lot.

  Annie
• 

  undercover

  Personally, not one of them was a "real friend". They were more like colleagues, nothing more.

  "Colleagues"...that's a good term.

  For me, growing up in the "truuf" I actually made real friends. Even faded and inactive today, I remain friends with several people that I grew up with. I made many acquaintances over the years, but only a few real friends. Even some of those that I thougt were "real" friends ended up not being that close once I faded or one of us moved away.

  So out of 5 congregations that would be roughly 600 people, sometimes the same ones overlapping, so say 400, less than 10 were "real" friends. In all fairness though, it wasn't because they were all unfriendly or whatever. Even though we had the same religion, likes and dislikes away from that would make a difference in whether you became close friends or not. It's like working at a medium sized company. Say 100 employees. You spend 40-50 hours a week working toward a common goal with these people. How many are you "real" friends with? One or two? That's about the same odds as at the KH.
• 

  chrissee

  none...even before I 'faded' there was no one special I could call a true 'friend'.

  I invited some to my house for dinner but never, ever got a return invitiation.
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  So, as it turns out, I really had no friends as I thought. Their friendship was conditional to my worship in good standing.

  Pretty much sums it up. There were those who I was genuinly surprised when they abandoned me in favor of a group of people whom they always badmouthed. However, their fear of being disfellowshipped for continuing to associate with me was stronger than their friendship with me. I grew up with these people.

  Same held true for my family. They would grumble and complain about the 'troof', but still went along with it. Never could figure that one out.

  Jean