Hi, Scooby.
I know a lot has been said here already. I struggled with this in the early years as well. JW's in general seem to be so sweet and sincere that is has always puzzled me how they could turn on people so quickly as soon as the person did not want to be a 'witness' any longer.
Actually, this split personality thing is really common in cults. It is a defense mechanism that protects the cult from exposure to outside thought. Although there are some who I cannot forgive for falling into this trap like immediate family no matter what the programming, in general jw's believe that they cannot help but to go along. They actually believe that shunning is helping the person being shunned. It is sick and twisted reasoning and comes from the WTBTS indoctrination and includes loads and loads of fear and guilt.
My main issue, therefore, is not with the r&f who can put on the outward appearance of 'niceness', but with the Society itself. And I reserve the right to bash them at will for the harm they have done to me personally and to my family. I can say that I truely hate them for what they have done to countless families and individuals over the past hundred years or so, but especially since the 70's.
JW's are two people; the sweet people who care and are loyal and love humankind, and the underlying personality that comes out when triggered by WTBTS edicts.
Jean