having a hard time making friends

happy camper

I was wondering if anyone else has had a hard time making friends since leaving the organization. Being raised as a JW, it seems difficult to me, as I was never allowed to have any friends who weren't other JW's. As a result, I have isolated myself to only my immediate family. It's almost like I have put a mental block. My parents who are still JW's, always taught me that the only REAL friends one can have are other JW's, and that those not in the "truth" would never be our real friends. Maybe thats it, idk. Also, I was wondering if any ex JW's meet locally. Thanks

candidlynuts

happy , i prayed for a close friend my entire life as a jw. never got one.

since i faded a few years ago i've gained one incredible best friend that i met online and met in person a few times.as well as several close friends that i inherited from my boyfriend.

you gotta put yourself out there to find friends and its not easy. that wall you build around yourself , always feeling or expecting to have to apolgize for your upbringing and not trusting "worldly" people will hinder your efforts. you have to consciously push past that and put yourself out there to meet people.

one piece of advice i got from my best friend when we first met was " your gonna have to start being a friend to yourself before you ever get friends" and it was true. thank god i had her to help me!

one thing you can do is try to cultivate any hobbies or interests you have and look for people who share those interests.

and i hope you find some friends here as well. most are warm , friendly people.

hugs and welcome!

Candy

under74

Oh man, everyone I know who's been raised a JW has had problems with friendships. It's weird because (as for myself) I'm far removed from the religion now BUT it was so ingrained in me. I may not look at strangers or new people as "worldly people" anymore but there is a great amount of distrust and apprehension. It does get better. I have good friends (even if only a few) but it's only been recently that I've discussed how I was brought up with them. It takes time.

Anyway, I know how you feel. I still go back and forth into this situation.

pr_capone

I have a hard time relating to people outside the "truth" on occasion. Going from a situation that no matter what hall I went to I always had something in common with everyone there to not even really knowing how to start a conversation with someone without presenting the mags. :D

This forum helped out quite a bit with that. Finding people who shared things in common with me, and then partaking in the Apostafest in Dallas was a huge lift.

Stick around and chat us up for a while... I expect you will enjoy us imensly (sic).

Kansas District Overbeer

frenchbabyface

well I had hard time making friends even young in jwland - but I guess it's most related to my nature (that being said I'm very easy to connect and to talk with actually)

the problem is more about geting into real frienship king relationship (way more easy by internet !!! cause the relation is not physical and I can go away whenever I want/need - and be available when I'm ready to be open to the other one)

also I need a lot of time for myself and some people don't understand that when I'm not available, it have nothing to do with them - just that I need to be on my own to keep my balance - cause I'm verry nervous actually and I also don't like croweds

I even realised that when I'm invited somewhere - I can stay on my side all night (I can even take some attitudes that will make you feel to not bother me) and I am not the one you're gonna ear talking all night (I'd rather listen and observe people) unless you ask me questions or something happen that makes me feel to talk/interact ...

prophecor

Hi Happy Camper, and welcome to JWD. As regards your problem socializing, its the nature of the beast that's been bred in many an ex Jehovah's Witness. We are by nature such a segregated society that if we ever leave the organization, we are hampered by our unfortunate previous behavior to the degree that we very easily can come to be confined in our own homes, knowing not how to relate to the real world.

It's a struggle that has been mine, even before becoming JW, as the teaching had followed me, despite my not being baptized until my later years. If you can step away from your comfortability, try making yourself accessable in your community, especially as it begins to get warm later in the year, often a little small step to get beyond our un-comfortability, can bridge the gap between you, and the rest of humanity.

Maybe find a public place where you can just leave yourself open for passersby who might strike up a casual conversation. I'm a mechanic and often my neighbors require small helps that I can assist them in, and I always use my skills as means for gaining entrance into the lives of the ones that I live with on my block. Small things that don't require them to feel they need to pay me. Just trying to be neighborly. I gotten many a surprise by investing energy in the lives of those who I would not normally be so inclined to socialze with.

art

frenchbabyface

oh by the way I wanted to ask you : does your nick name means you really like to camp (alone ???)

and I forgot sorry : Welcome !!!

franklin J

welcome happy camper,

Yes, what you are going thru is a natural process of your upbringing, as you stated. I also had a hard tiime socializing on the outside. But good news is that is will pass; and you will move on with your life.

My suggestion to you is to get yourself into therapy for dealing with the transition. It will help you adjust. Also, join some local clubs. there must be some hobby or interest you can pursue. It will allow you to focus your attentions on something other than your current "loss of JW friends and support".

Keep yourself busy.

Boating; flying ; stamp collecting ; sketching; work outs at the gym, etc. This is a great venue for you to meet new people with similar interests. The socializing snowballs and you will see how quickly you will meet new people. You will find that people on the outside do not care what religion you are; they will accept you on your terms. This is very different from the JW community we all came from.

This worked for me .

good luck, Frank

groovycat.

Yes, this is something I have had trouble with, especially in the early days. Unfortunately I also moved around a lot when I was younger (11 houses in 14 years), so it was difficult to make friends anyway, and any that I did I soon drifted away from - even if I still stayed nearby. Also had an equal effect on relationships.

little witch

Welcome to JWD HappyCamper!

You know, most all ex-jw's struggle with this issue. I think that is why many of us feel so at home on this forum. You must realize that you (and we) were taught that we were "special" people, more important and closer to god than any other group on the planet! Everyone will die a spectacular death "any day now"! But not us. No, not us. As long as we follow the instruction manuals, don't piss off the elders, and keep our hours high, we are paradise bound.....

The rest of the world is labeled in all kinds of ugly terms. We were brainwashed to believe that all non-jw's were "worldly, wicked,evil, goat-like, and bird food"... When someone is taught those things from a young age, over many years and five times per week, fear of outsiders sets in.

When someone finally breaks free from these teachings, it is usually alone. It is hard to do without support of friends and family. The watchtower knows this, and this is why shunning is used. To isolate you and make you stick with 'em.

Here is my advice. First, congratulate yourself for your intelligence and bravery. So many jw's live their entire lives in fear of living. They never come to understand that they were being misled. There are MANY folks here on JWD, who served the tower for decades and lossed so much when they broke free. Their stories are inspirational and strengthening for your spirit, and I hope you will read about them. They have gone on to help others in your position and understand exactly what you are going through.

Try to minimize any guilt you feel. You didnt make the rules and you never had the power to change them for anyone but yourself.

Reaching out to humanity outside your group helps too. Life experience is the best teacher. Try to find a good charity to volunteer for such as habitate for humanity, or a food bank. You will meet many other people of all walks of life and come to understand that the fear of outsiders is totally unfounded.

I think you being here around others that understand the unique problems associated with the watchtower will help you tremendously. Many here meet in person, chat on the phone, email, and snail mail. I hope you make many new friends and get the support that you need and deserve.

If it is alright with you, I will count you as my friend! Theres a start. Now get out there and start living!!!!

LW

having a hard time making friends

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