Sad Today

whyamihere

It's has been a hard few months for me. I am just so sad I don't know where to begin. I feel so lost in this world and I have lost all my friends and I feel so alone. My husband whom I love dearly is gone all the time. He has to work full time and then goes to school part time and then we has his hobby with his band that he leaves with as well. I am so happy that he gets to do what he loves and I am the one who tells him that he should live out his dreams and do anything he wants. However it puts me by myself all the time. I put him and my kids first then everyone else and then myself. I actually made an appointment to recieve therapy yesterday. I started to cry while I was making the appointment where they are making me come in sooner.

I hate being alone. I stopped going to meetings about 7 or 8 months ago. My family was all I had and now its different. They try and tell me to come back but I know in my heart its wrong. I have no one. I sit here all by myself and cook clean take care of the kids do all the errands banking I take care of it all. Money is so stressful. Everything is so stressful. I don't even know why I am telling you all of this. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I am so lonely and my heart is so broken in so many ways.

I am so confused and scared and lonley and I have no one to talk to. I am only 24 years old I got married when I was a child. I was 19 I was not ready. I love my husband but I was not ready. At the time it made my Mom happy with me and I loved him and I thought I was doing the right thing. Then I had kids I did not plan on having them so early but they came. I am happy for it because they are my life. I had to grow up so fast. I was alot more mature and still am then my parents. I was forgotten all the time. I remember once my parents got us all gifts after tax money came in and everyone one got something but me. Why didn't I get something? It still hurts today. I love my Mom and Dad but why was I always not remembered? I don't know I am just very sad this week and I have no one. My Husband is leaving again tonight and I will be alone by myself.

I think this religion has really screwed me up. My parents screwed me up. I am messed up in the head and I try and latch on to anyone who pays anykind of attention to me. Its like people come on here with all these problems big and small. I feel so awful for all of you and wished I could help everyone little by little. I need help. Then there are the ones who come on here trying to save us and tell us we are wrong. How can we be wrong for being sad and lonely and shunned and have our lives ripped apart. How can we be wrong? Am I so bad that I want whats best for my kids? I want to be a good mother but I don't know if I am. I am sorry I just am so sad today and I am not making any sense.

Brooke

Joyzabel

(((((((((whyamihere))))))))))))

yes, you need help. Yes the religion screwed you up. And probably yes, your parents contributed to it. But you are an adult now and you can reach out for help. That is the first big step. If you are at a place in your life that dialing a phone # for help may be a big red flag that you need help today, right now. Please, go to the nearest Emergency Room (in USA, I'm thinking) and get some psychological help NOW.

It takes time, lots of time and lots of discussions to get through depression/grieving/undoing cult influences.

You are right that women tend to put everyone else ahead of their needs. But for your sake and especially for your family's sake, GET SOME HELP NOW.

Joy

ps, I'll be in chat if you want to talk.

RescueMe

I am so sorry that you are so sad. Please pm me if you ever need to talk. I am more than happy to offer a shoulder. There are so many wonderful and kind people here, I am sure that you will have more than enough support, and going to see someone professionally is not a bad thing at all.
Much love to you.

kls

Oh my God you are living my life . I can't believe how the same they are . Only difference my parents we not JWS just hateful people that hated kids. You are making perfect sense because i am so much like you. It seems we have a lot to talk about. I will send you a pm with info.

unique1

Sounds like you need a huge break. Why not get someone to watch the kids and go with your husband on his next band thing. Will your or his parents watch the kids for a weekend? You have to take some time for yourself. If you can't do a weekend or the band thing, see if someone will watch the kids for a few hours and go get your nails or hair done, go to the local Belks/Hechts/Dillards and get your makeup done at one of the Clinque/Estee Lauder counters for free. It is a great way to treat yourself and feel better. If you want to find new friends locally, try going to meetup.com and look for the ex jw group in your area and see if a few of them want to meet up one weekend. You can choose a family friendly place and take the kids with you.

(((((((hugs)))))))) Best of Luck.

brutusmaximus

Hi,

Sorry to hear you are sad but you sound like a really nice person as well and not self centred. However you have to get out and get yourself a hobby or a pastime that you can meet some new friends.

I was scared when I left as all my pals were in the truth but I joined a football team took an interest in coaching my sons team so now busy. Oh got a dog as well.

You also need to communicate with Mr Whyamihere tell him how you feel.

Not sure if this helps but there are lots of great peeps on here who can help

Take care

BM

whyamihere

I am so sorry. I try not and bring anyone down I just let a few things out. I am just scared about half of the things that go through my head. I remember someone asked me(a few weeks ago) is if I thought about killing myself...I said No..but I wished someone would do it for me.

I know I need help...and I did something I was so proud of is that I reached out. I called and no one made me. I think that is a huge step.

I have so many too many to count on things that bother me. I just don't want to hurt myself anymore or beat myself up because I would not be a good person. I want people to like me. I get told all the time I am so funny. And I make people laugh. I think I do that because I am sad and don't want people to know I hurt. I am sorry if I bring you guys down by saying what I did. I just think it helps to talk it out even if no one listens.

Thank you for all your wonderful comments. Tonight I may take the kids out and go to Target! And if I want to I will get anything I damn well please! Wow isn't that sad the only place I want to go and do shopping at is Target? Oh I do need nelp and better places to shop!

Brooke

Seeking Knowledge

Brooke:

I'm a single mom so I can appreciate how you feel, having put your family first. What I've learned is that you need to take time for yourself. There is no shame in asking for help. I liked the suggestion to get a sitter & go with your husband, is this possible? If not, get one for one night a week, go to the movie, get a pedicure, anything to get away. We women tend to take on so much and forget ourselves in the mix. Talk to your husband about this, perhaps he can make some time for you as well?

Talking to a therapist is an excellent idea as well, you will find you are not alone. Hang in there, feel free to PM me if you need to vent.

SK

Dustin

Brooke:

Life can be really unfair sometimes. I wish I had something I could tell you that could make it all better. All I can really say is I hope things get better, and they will. Just remember you're not alone. There's alot of people out here who care how your day is going.

Dustin

AlmostAtheist

Gina takes off for the evening about once a week. She grabs a movie, wanders Barnes and Nobles, does whatever she wants for a few hours. I can absolutely see a difference in her when she comes back, and it lasts for days.

You gotta break out of the rut, give yourself a little something to look forward to from one day to the next. And therapy can't hurt you, either, if only to give you someone to say stuff to without consequences, and get some unbiased feedback. (And talking to an adult for a change! "Blue's Clues" will only carry conversation so far!)

I hope you get something nice for yourself at Target!

Dave

Sad Today

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