Hey Smoky,
Why'd you leave in the first place? Did you disagree with any doctrines, see corruption or hypocrisy, anything like that? Or did you just sort of "drift away", stopping field service, then meetings, then any sort of studying at all?
If you just got tired of the cycle of meetings/service/assemblies/more meetings, then I can see where your dilemma is coming from. You need to decide for yourself what the right course of action is for you.
Personally, I think the watchtower is just another organization that interprets the Bible. They claim they don't, they claim the Bible interprets itself. But that's hogwash. For instance, where in the Bible does it say smoking is wrong? They *interpret* the references to spiritism (translated from 'druggery') and the comments in Corinthians about cleanliness to mean smoking is wrong. (They do not interpret it to mean cough syrup is wrong, though it has a greater psychoactive affect than smoking) Others read those same verses and conclude something different. They *interpret* the comments about eating blood to mean you shouldn't take a transfusion. Others conclude that eating liver and getting a liver transplant are different, and so while they may choose not to consume blood as food, they are willing to have it transfused into their bodies.
They don't have "The Truth", they have their interpretation. Just like everybody else.
So before you sell your soul to them again, research their doctrines and practices independantly OUTSIDE of their own publications. See if you really agree with it all. If you still do, then go for it. If you see some chinks in the armor, maybe you need to reconsider.
Another valuable thing to consider is whether or not Jehovah's Witnesses constitute a "high control group", a type of organization that takes over your own thinking and substitutes their own. Some identifying signs of such groups (not just JW's) are:
- Simplistic Thinking: Issues are expressed as polar opposites, with
no gray areas. Things are black or white, us or them, good or bad.
- Time Pressure: You are given so much to do that you never have time
to stand back and think objectively about what you are being taught.
- Peer Pressure: Your conformity is attained by exploiting your natural
need to belong.
- Isolation: You are separated from society, friends or family, either
physically or psychologically. You are led to believe that you made the
choice yourself, to avoid "bad influence".
- Insulation: Facts at odds with what you are taught are explained away
by saying that they are lies created to mislead you. You are taught that
people outside the group conspire to ensnare you. If you continue to be
concerned, you are referred to the group's reference material rather than
outside sources.
- Demonization: Groups or entities are identified (e.g. "Evil Slave
Class", Satan, Christendom) as an object example of the evil outside the
group. Some of these groups or entities might not actually exist.
- Special Status: You are told that you belong to a group of chosen ones
with a special mission.
- Elevation of Persecution: Any negative actions taken against the group
are taken as proof that the outside world is trying to destroy it.
- Guilt: You are made to question your worthiness, and your past sins are
exaggerated. You are consistently led to believe that you are not "doing
enough".
- Fear: Your loyalty and obedience is maintained through warnings of
serious physical or spiritual repercussions if you do not conform.
- Authority: You are discouraged from expressing doubt or questioning the
words of the "higher authority" (a charismatic leader, elders, or the
organization as a whole).
- Apocalyptics: You are taught that everything will work out well because
a magical solution is coming. The solution usually involves the
destruction or subjugation of those outside the group.
- Scrupulosity: You are taught explicit rules concerning conduct,
appearance, and behaviour. Spontaneity is discouraged.
- Uncompromising Discipline: Disagreement is dealt with harshly, which
discourages open discussion of alternative views.
- Conditioning: You are taught to react instantly to situations with
approved responses, rather than acting thoughtfully. For example, you are
taught to answer questions instantly by quoting from approved sources
rather than thinking about the question.
- Thought-Stopping: You are discouraged from thinking along lines that are
not in accord with what you are supposed to believe. Eventually, this
becomes a habit, and you lose your ability to think critically.
- Subjugation: You are taught that the group's goals outweigh your needs,
and that your personal problems are mere weaknesses which can be ignored
if you are strong enough.
break free