Hi, I'm new to these forums so I thought I would share some experiences of when I was a JW.
I was born in 1976 into a staunch JW family. My grandparents, parents, aunties, uncles, cousins etc etc were all JW's going back to the 1950's. When I was a child my parents, like a lot of JW parents, didn't let me have worldly friends. The only trouble was I didn't have any friends in the cong either as my mother said they weren't spiritual enough. Luckily when I was 4 my brother was born so at least he could be my friend. As regards school I hated it even though I was clever and was never in trouble. I had been told that secular education wasn't important and kids at school were under Satan so I always thought what's the point of being here and I never really tried very hard. I was pretty decent at sports at school and was often asked to be captain of the rugby or soccer team but the matches always seemed to coincide with meeting nights so I could never go. I'm sure lots of people here can identify with standing out as a JW at xmas, easter and birthdays, it's not easy as a kid saying to a teacher who is smiling and full of xmas cheer she's a pagan and rather than celebrating Jesus they are worshiping the devil. Can any of you brits remember being told you couldn't dance round the maypole cos it was pagan? I remember my role was to sit on the maypole while the other kids danced around me.. though in hindsight wasn't that just as bad as dancing?
Even though my family got some kudos in the cong through being in the truth such a long time they were always looked down on cos they were poor. By and large it was quite an affluent cong and we never really fitted in with many people in the cong. I recall thinking from a very young age that if we are a large loving brotherhood why does my mum come home crying from every meeting cos someone has been snooty to her or been insensitive to her about what she was wearing or why do people tell my dad he doesn't have Jehovah's blessing because he's out of work. It was bad enough at school being the DHSS kid with the free school meal in the paper bag (so everyone knew) without people at the KH being supercilious as well. Even though my father was often passed over as regards responsibilities in the cong he did eventually become an elder. He was really into it too and was always out on shepherding calls or various committees or giving talks (my father later resigned as an elder due to him reporting a sisters wrongdoing but nothing was done about it and he was put in the wrong. It didn't dissuade him from being a JW though, he just moved congs as if that would be better. The sister in question was later disfellowshipped btw) So this was my life school and meetings and bible study but it was all I knew so I accepted it. As I got older I would ask questions about doctrines that we were being taught and would get the reply that maybe they were slightly wrong but would be rectified in the future and to wait for Jehovah's divine organisation to shed more light on it. I was always unhappy with this answer and also the fact we couldn't question anything the society said and had to take it as gospel. At about age 17 I had doubts over whether I wanted to be a witness as I thought I hadn't lived a normal life and was unhappy. I told my parents and there was a lot of anger and tears and things like if you go into the world you'll die at armageddon. I still believed a lot of what I was taught so I thought it was better just to be quiet after a few episodes like this where my mother would throw my clothes outside and tell me if I wasn't a JW she didn't want me in the house. Before this at age 14 because I was unhappy at school my parents took me out of the state school system and taught me at home as quite a few kids in the cong were taught at home to keep them away from bad associations. I did pretty well considering I was teaching myself using 1970's O level books given to us by a sister in another cong to study my GCSE's. (on a side point these books were about the only thing my mother ever allowed into the house from someone worldly or even in the cong because she thought they might have demons on them. If she suspected anything might be second hand it would go in the bin)
When I finished my exams I wanted to go to college as I felt that I couldn't get a decent job with just GCSE's. This caused a big row as my family argued that I didn't need a good job as armageddon was just round the corner and that people at college were all glue sniffing, sex crazed maniacs. They didn't really push pioneering as an option as my mum had been a special pioneer when she was young and hadn't really enjoyed it. Eventually they let me go to college and I really enjoyed it and qualified with distinction at the end and had some good friends. All my friends were going to university afterwards and I so wanted to go but this was a big no-no as the society discouraged higher ed. I always resented this as the real reaon I thought my parents didn't want me to go was they wanted me to get a job and pay them board and lodging. Anyway because of the armageddon just around the corner mentality I didn't pursue a career in any way but was always bored and frustrated with the mundane work I got. I ended up changing jobs a lot to find one I was happy with (16 in 9 years up to now!). I never kept in touch with friends I made at college or at work because they were worldly and would be dead soon anyway. In my late teens I noticed girls and they noticed me but I never pursued a girlfriend as I wasn't very confident in that regard. You'll have to take my word for it but I'm a good looking guy but I never had confidence in myself. I never seemed to be in with the in-crowd of young ones in the congs either, probably through being rather isolated when I was younger. The few times I did go out with them I could see that what they got up to wasn't very spiritual and wasn't in keeping with the facade they put on at the KH. I figured I would get a perfect girlfriend in the new world anyway which wasn't far away. So it was just a matter of waiting...................................................and waiting..................
The end of my era in the JW's came about when I was searching on the internet for one of those JW dating sights. I stumbled across the website Freeminds and started reading the articles and then the links to other sights and all the time while I'm reading I'm crying because it was adressing all the problems I had with the organisation and it's doctrines but I also felt my whole world was falling apart. I had my own house at this point so I decided to stop going to meetings and to tell my parents what I had found out. They were very closed minded about it all and wouldn't accept the society was using lies and subterfuge. In fact my mother said something strange, she said so what if all these things 607, 1914, 1919, disfellowshipping, abuse scandals and covering ups are wrong, all that doesn't change Jehovah's plan to destroy the wicked and bring a new world. It took me a few seconds to figure that statement out before realising there was no point arguing such a non-sensical outburst. I left about 3 years ago and I'm still coming to terms with it and how to cope in the real world. I recently sought psychiatric help as I felt I was having a breakdown and was suffering panic attacks. There isn't anything particularly distressing in my story, no abuse or divorced parents or anything like that but I don't feel my life has been normal. I still have trouble with relationships and lack self confidence and while my family are ok with me they are distant. I can see in my parents eyes that they view me as a dead man walking. My mother often sends me emails saying to come back or I won't be in the new world and the reason I'm unhappy is because I left Jehovah. So that's where I am at the moment, a 28 year old with an IQ of 174 on sick with stress from an office junior job and seeing a psychiatrist. Thanks for reading to this point. I appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts with someone. Thanks.