Is it morally right ...

by Vivamus 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Vivamus

  ... to try and attempt at getting through to an 70 year old elder?

  On rash impuls I wrote a letter to one elder. A man who is most dear to me, even though my feelings towards the JW are negative at best. This man was my mentor and in many ways like a father to me. In the now three years since I have been DF'd he has on many occasions tried to reach me, to "help" me A few weks ago he called me on my mobile, and I didn't know what to say and how to respond to his plee of "Come back Noortje, please come back and let me help you". All I could utter was that it really was no use trying to pursue me, I was a lost cause to them. The phonecall didn't last long. But it bugged me that I never explained my reasons to this man who was very dear to me.

  Well, can't change anything now anymore, I mailed him the letter, 5 pages long, explaining how I got DF'd, what a dissapointment the elders where and that my "sin" was the need to know why so and so .... I wasn't whining, I wasn't lecturing, this tipped on some topics and let him do the thinking. I ended my letter with letting him know how ambigeous (sp) I felt about writing him this letter. Part of me hopes he will investigate. Part of me hopes he doesn't, cuz I know too well how comforting a blanket the religion can be.

  So, what do you think, discuss away. I have talked about this with a few people now, and opinions are divers. Some consider that I had no riht to write him this letter. I agreed to the rules most willingly when I joined, and should let the man be. Others think if you can save a person from a cult, you must at all cost.

  Should this man decide to leave, he will have nothing left. His entire family in in the borg, he will be left stading alone, free, but utterly alone. And the implications are rather enourmous. Should this be my doing ... would I have had that right?

  Opinions?

  -
  Blue Bubblegum Girl
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  You had every right to contact someone you care about, just as he did when he phoned you. If he is really set in his JW ways, your letter may answer some of his own questions on why you believe as you do, but it won't make him leave. All you did was provide your reasons, whatever decision he makes is his own.

  You did nothing wrong.

  Jean
• 

  JH

  You did the right thing Viv.

  Since you're DF'd, you can say whatever you want without fear.
• 

  prophecor

  Hi BBG, situations such as this would appear to me to aright themselves regardless of the possible outcomes. He's a senior citizen now and most assuredly has already made up his mind long ago, and quite honestly, I don't believe an individual with that much time on the planet will invest the required energy to abandon his lifestyle, even if he does come to the realization that there exist something rotten in Denmark!

  I wouldn't however stop extending yourself to him so that he may have the most accurate reflection as to who you are and why it is you no longer believe as the witnesses do, and yes, I too believe that one should try to bring the truth out to those still in, but only to those who are able to handle it. That's a determination you have to balance very carefully. To sow seeds of truth about the truth to those not in a position to handle all the serious ramifications that come with such knowledge, in some cases, you might be doing more harm than good.

  Somethings are Better Left Unsaid

  art
• 

  RunningMan

  A long time ago I gave up on trying to determine whether certain information was beneficial for a person. You've just got to tell it like it is. You don't make reality, you just report it. If finding out the truth hurts a person, it's not the fault of either the truth or the reporter, its the fault of the person who initially mislead them.
• 

  Vivamus

  Well, but what about this. We all *know* just how horrid it is to leave. Yes, we regained freedom of mind and actions. But we also lost so very very much. It can take years to get over this. As you all know ....

  So, supposedly I have forced this man t look at some things, maybe cuz out his love for me he will investigate, just so he can convincce me ... But naturally he will start doubting the more he learns. So he leaves, forced or freely. And he will have *nothing* left. Seeing me again will be no substitue for losing his family and friends.

  Gods, this is confusing me, no, thats not the right way of putting it. In fact I am afraid for the scenario where he will leave and tells me he wished he had never read the letter. Which brings me to my moral dillemma.
• 

  Vivamus

  Runningman, did't see your reply when I posted. I can agree with you there, honestly I can cuz thats the ground of my entire "belief". But what if in this case we need to be just a little bit more careful, when the truth hurts, do they need to know. Especially at that age.....
• 

  czarofmischief

  Yes. You did the right thing.

  CZAR
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  "Should this man decide to leave, he'll have nothing"

  If this is so, he won't leave. There are many people inside the WTBTS just for the mere social aspect of it. They couldn't care less if what they teach is correct, or about any other issue. They have their social life in there and that's more than enough. They just go through the motions, no big deal. Sad but true in many instances.

  DY
• 

  Vivamus

  DY, really? Not that I'm doubting you, but how in gods name can people live like that? In for a penny, in for a pound was how I thought about it ... it would rip me apart living like the JW do, and *not* believing it. But then, it also did rip me apart *believing* in it, lol.