disfellowshipping children

QCA1

Hi everyone

Awhiile back i posted telling you about my grandson whos mother hit him for not saying grace before a meal ( he is 15yrs old ) he has been hit on many occasions,he hates being a witness and is forced to go to the hall by his mother. My grandson phoned us on the day his mother had hit him,he was sobbing down the phone to us and said he wanted to come and stay with us, i said yes and that i would fetch him, anyway his mum and dad have had nothing to do with me since despite me writing to them expressing how much i love my grandchildren and that i wish to see them,i have had no reply.

The other day my grandson phoned and said to my younger son that he is leaving home when he is 16 and can he come and stay with us,of course i said yes. What i need to know is will he be disfellowshipped for living with his grandma ( i am not a jw ) of course i know what this will mean for him,his brothers and parents will shun him.

As for me what else can i do to see my grandchildren. I love them dearly and i am angry at my son and his wife for treating me this way, i feel i have done nothing wrong except show concern for my grandson and i won't say sorry for that,what i have said sorry for in the letter is the fact that they saw it as interfering.

thanks for listening

qca1

Mulan

is he baptized?

jwbot

Maybe being disfellowshipped with be a good thing? He hates being a witness...and he is young enough to be able to find new friends that will be friends with him unconditionally. And with you as his support system...he will have a better chance at life. My concern in the legal issues behind it.

Lostreality

Sounds like the mother is a control freak. I can't say i was in the same situation, because i wasn't, but I will try and think about what people told me back then.
There are resources that can be used if the mother is hitting the child, and (this is a big one) if those hits leave marks. Without marks, no proof of hitting is there, and those resources are split nearly in half. I like the idea that you are going to let him stay with you, and I am going to assume you have already thought of all the misc. costs of such a compasionate course of action.

There are different laws depending on state (in ths US) covering custody rights when a child involved is suffering from trauma (emotional, physical, mental, ect..) In most cases, the child is evaluated, and a judge will decide whether or not to allow the child to be moved to a new caretaker.

Something you may not of thought of is; is taking him away from his financial support so late in his life (only 2 years from being 18) benifical to him (sounds like it personally would be)

TheEdge

For what it's worth, I think you're a wonderful grandmother. Your grandson must love you dearly, and you ought to feel proud that he thinks of you as a safe haven - someone he can trust and ''be himself'' with.

Keep us posted

Much Love. x

Goldminer

He'll be shunned,treated like he has the plague no matter what decision he makes that does not include repenting and returning to the meetings.

Just understand,HE JUST WANTS TO BE NORMAL,and he's being condemned for it.I have a nephew who is living a similar situation.It's sad to see some of these kids fed all this bethel crap for years then when they turn 18,they're basically on their own,with barely any help to get started in life.

willyloman

He'll be shunned,treated like he has the plague no matter what decision he makes that does not include repenting and returning to the meetings.

Grandma: The above may or may not be true (depends on whether he was ever baptized) and even if it occurs, it's not the end of the world for a 16 year old who is at an age when he's about to develop into a completely different person over the next five years anyway.

What's critical is your love and support and the provision of a safe harbor. Kids at that age are remarkably resilient if they get this love and support and can be made to feel safe.

God bless you for caring and being willing to take him in. Something similar happened to me once, and it saved my life.

Gretchen956

Oh thats fine, Barney, teach them that its not okay for a mom to hit her kids so that makes it all right for the kid to hit their mother!

Grandma I would pursue, as others have said, the child abuse angle. If your grandson is being hit to the point that it is leaving a mark, then the courts will see that it is in the best interest of your grandson to be removed from this situation. A word of caution, though, you may want to find out where CPS would place your grandson in this situation, it is usually with a foster family, and not always with a relative.

Yes, your grandson WILL be shunned. Could be the best thing that ever happened in the sense that he will see the hypocrasy of love that is conditional. Be there for him, show him that real love can be unconditional. He'll find friends that feel the same way.

Good luck!

Sherry

AshtonCA

I like whoever commented that this woman is obviously a control freak. How parents can hit their children at all is beyond me. I never hit mine, and they are fine. People are stupid. How could you possibly think that by hitting a child you can solve anything?? I did not even know the witnesses actually allowed this. I am glad I only studied for a year. (if you can call it studying. I was high on good good dope most of the time)

Yep, JW's condone spanking (or hitting, but they don't see it as hitting, they see it as disciplining, spare the rod spoil the child kind of thing.)

The last time I was spanked with a belt, I was 16 yo.

I have heard of elders telling people with six month old babies to take them to the bathroom and spank them for fussing during the meetings. My dad was an elder and once one of the other elders had told this young brother with a 6 mo old baby to do that and my dad took the young brother outside and told him, he didn't care what the other brother had said, that if he ever spanked his 6 mo old baby again, he'd call the authorities on him, the young brother thanked my dad and asked how to handle the baby, my dad said, ask my wife, she's raising 4 kids.

Not to condone spanking, which I don't, unless it is a life threatening situation, i.e. child runs in the street, but my parents didn't start spanking us until we were able to understand why we were being spanked. For me, that was very young, because when I was 1 year of age, my grandmother spanked me and I turned around to her and said, don't spank me, you'r not my mother. She never did it again.

I was a very rebellious child (I actually had ADHD with defiant disorder and no one knew it until I was an adult). I was spanked every day of my life. I was ridiculed, I was told I was bad and lazy. I also had learning disabilities on top of the ADHD and I was spanked for not being able to do math or whatever the problem subject was. I was spanked for not concentrating, I was spanked for not getting my colors right. I was pretty much spanked for everything that I didn't do correctly, or to the acceptance of my very controlling mother.

My parents did apologize to me for how they handled me and my problems, but the wounds are still there and I am still obviously upset about it because I dream about beating the sh*t out of my mother several times a week. I wake up in a panic and I feel guilty for it.

Ash

AshtonCA

It is a sure fire bet that mother would never hit that kid again if she knew he would retaliate. I am not saying or inferring that it is ok for kids to hit their mothers either. That would be a little like the DAMM (drunks against mad mothers) organization.

Not always true, I raised my hand to hit my mother when I was about 16. She told me that if I ever did it again, she would get a 2x4 and crack it over my head. Unfortnately, I believed her because we were buidling a house at the time and there were boards lying all over the place, easy access... so I never did it again.

Ash

disfellowshipping children

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