I do hope, regardless of what you may think of other opinions of mine, that anyone reading this response will respect it as the unvarnished truth from the horse's mouth.
Nearly three years ago, I fell 25 feet from a tree and broke many bones and very nearly bled to death internally. The short list of broken bones includes: a mulitple compound fracture of the calcaneous (ankle) that left both pieces poking out of my instep; compression fracture of the femur; wedge fracture of the L4 vertebra; open book fracture of the pelvis with rotational dislocation. I'll stop there.
I've been taking a maintenance dose of oxycontin ever since. I'd give anything to be able to cease and desist this drug. I am now a chronic pain patient with those nerve-involved vertebrate and pelvic fractures. And a legal prescription.
I got into the custom of taking 20 to 40 mg a day more than that which was prescribed for break-through pain, of which there was plenty. Since the additional pills were not prescribed, I realized I would have to stop taking it for break-through, or face running out. So I stopped the additional.
Within hours I was cast into the blackest, darkest, most hopeless pit of despression, anxiety, and despair I have ever experienced. Add to that the usual unbelieveable cramps, runs, inability to sleep, flu-like symptoms, flying limbs, muscle aches, sweating buckets, chills, fevers, and an overwhelming desire to kill myself. This went on for eight months. And this was the result of reducing the dosage from 120 mg twice a day to 100 mg twice a day. I was given powerful anti-depressive medication to no effect. Sleep medication to no effect. To this day I have no knowledge of how I survived this experience. Stubborn, I guess. I'd rather be dead than experience even ten minutes more of what I have described.
On another occasion, prior to the one described, I slept three hours past a dose time. When I awoke, I was in just the beginning stage of withdrawal. I was also in sheer agony; a psychological and emotional hell of agony that far surpasses my ability to describe. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Had it not occured to me, in a flash of clarity, to grind a tab into dust and snort it, I feel certain I would have eaten a .45 round. It takes an hour for oxy to reach the bloodstream.
On the street, oxys are referred to as "killers". This is because the opiate is time-release. You take a tab and nothing happens. So you take another. Still nothing. So you take another. And perhaps another. By the time the first one you took takes effect, you may have taken several of these tabs. And one by one, as the time release coating wears away, the effects begin to manifest. And you go to sleep. And the others you took begin to take effect. And you sleep deeper. And deeper. And deeper yet. And you never wake up. Death by apoxia.
If it were possible to just "tickle the dragon's tail" now and again on the weekend as you describe, perhaps you could get away with it. Many have thought that. Once on the weekend becomes twice. Then one on Wednesday is added. Then, hell, what's wrong with M-W-F and the weekend? And that quickly becomes every day. And then, since it's costing you a dollar, maybe two, per milligram, the cost goes up as your resources go down. Things begin to spiral out of control.
The spiral is because this powerful synthetic opiate, more addictive than heroin, requires more and more to get a high. The high you got a month ago on 20 mg now takes 40 mg. Next month, it will take 80 mg to produce that same high. As time goes by, you are forced into the horrible realization that it takes at least 80, or 100, or 120 mg or more just to get NORMAL, much less to get high - and to avoid craving death's release from the horrible, inescapable depression, a depression so deep, so dark, that time actually STOPS!
Few are they who can tickle this dragon's tail and successfully escape the dragon's fatal fangs.
I assure you I haven't exaggerated any particular in this post. If I could find a way to deal otherwise with my chronic pain, I would do anything to get off this drug, anything. It can be done, I understand, but at a great, great emotional, psychological, and monetary price. The admittedly beautiful but fleeting euphoria felt upon initial usage of opiates is long forgotten amidst the sheer, timeless agony of its absence. And there is a better than even chance that you will eventually pay with your life.
I will be happy to respond to any question from anyone at any time about this drug.
Francois
Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.
