I am so glad to have found this site Let me tell you a little about myself...
I was not raised a Jehovah's Witness. I studied as a teenager with my boyfriend's sister. We both ended up getting baptized (I was 17). I quickly became a pioneer and eventually gave multiple assembly parts, etc. (I was a Witness for about 10 years; my family freaking out the entire time because they were not Jehovah's Witnesses). My family tried to have a preacher come when I was studying and he walked away with his tail between his legs. My friend's mom also tried to speak with me and she got nowhere. I really thought I had found "the truth". Everything looked so perfect then. I skipped college to pioneer, I alienated my family and "worldly" friends and I feel I missed out on so much; including my youth.
Eventually, I ended up divorced, disfellowshipped and alone. I decided to get reinstated and it took me extra long because my ex's dad was the PO and made it really difficult for the elders in my new congregation to reinstate me. So I went to meetings for over a year disfellowshipped with a newborn and 3 year old by myself feeling completely alone. I must have been a glutton for punishment! I later realized how unhappy, unsupported and overburdened I was in that religion and I just drifted away from it about 5 to 6 years ago. The elders would visit me periodically and it took me awhile to get to the point where I eventually told them I was happy and uninterested in being visited any longer. I told them I wanted to live my life and my personal relationships and feelings were none of their business. I was so proud of myself. I would have disassociated myself but thought it would cause lots of problems in dealing with my daughter's dad and his family because the were/are JWs. I also did not want them telling my daughter I was dead in God's eyes and I was going to be destroyed (not that they don't say those things anyways). My daughter is now 10 and she is exposed to the meetings and field service 50% of the time as we have joint custody. I have been so happy to rediscover relationships with my family, to get involved in the community and politics and to just be a part of society. I have a wonderful husband, three great children and I feel like I have re-discovered life. I have no clue where to go with my spiritual life though... I feel like I cannot get involved in any organized religion and I just don't know what truth is anymore when it comes to religious beliefs and the Bible. I try my hardest to be a kind, loving and understanding person. To help as much as I can and to take care of my family and help them to be good people. I disagree with allot of Jehova's Witnesses' practices and beliefs but I have not been able to find my own spiritual beliefs. I just ordered "Crisis of Conscience" and the other book by Brother Franz and I am finally going to start reading the Bible again. I have had no relationship with God since I left the organization. I have been so much happier in every other aspect of my life though and I feel so much less judgmental and so much more accepting and loving than I did when I was in that religion. I worry about my daughter allot though. It's drama when she wants to celebrate holidays, salute the flag, have worldly friends, etc. at school and when she is with us and yet she will get in trouble for doing those things when her dad or his family (he's 33 and still lives with them) finds out. She is too young to take a stand over there because she will get in trouble, get lectured and be made to feel bad. So I think she just tries to lead a double life and lie to them about it. So then they think we are forcing her to do things that bother her conscience. It's drama! It's not right and they expect everyone else to bow to their way of doing things while they are completely intolerant of any other way of doing things. They always play the "it means her everlasting life" card. Can you tell I'm frustrated... My daughter is being pulled in two different directions and I just keep telling her that her dad's house and our house are different. We have different beliefs. It is good to be exposed to different ways of doing things and when you are old enough you will decide how you want to do things in your house. I let her know we love and support her decisions and we will accept her no matter what she decides. I let her know she is not allowed to get baptized until she is 18 though because she is not old enough to decide how she wants to live the rest of her life. I know her dad and his family have an altogether different view though and they tell her she will die or she will displease Jehovah if she doesn't do things there way. I just don't quite know how to deal with such powerful arguments and daily teachings... Ok. So that was allot about myself - LOL. Anyways, I've babbled long enough. I'm happy to have found people who understand what it's like to have been a JW or to be a JW or even just to be close to someone who is a JW. I wish you all the best!
