Yet Another Newbie Here (page 2)

Gretchen956

Welcome! Good to have you on board!

Sherry

Doubtfully Yours

Welcome!

Congratulations on your successful exit out of the WTBTS. You did it very well, and be confident that you'll help your daghter leave successfully too when the right time comes.

"I just keep telling her that her dad's house and our house are different. We have different beliefs. It is good to be exposed to different ways of doing things and when you are old enough you will decide how you want to do things in your house. I let her know we love and support her decisions and we will accept her no matter what she decides. I let her know she is not allowed to get baptized until she is 18 though because she is not old enough to decide how she wants to live the rest of her life."

This is exactly what you need to be telling her, over and over again, whenever the appropriate times allow it.

The JWs are so good at playing their "eternal life in paradise" card with the young ones. This can disrupt your domestic tranquility. But, hang in there, nicely and politely keep telling her about the perfect example Jesus left for us all to follow, including the age of baptism in which the person would've prepared themselves for life and can make a clear choice of how they want to live life. Until that time comes that she must continue to develop physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and secularly.

You have quite the task ahead of you. Lead by example.

Once again, welcome!

DY

clementine

welcome!!! hope to hear from you soon!!

MerryMagdalene

WELCOME

Sorry for your difficulties, Adelmaal!

You will find much love, understanding and moral support here.

~Merry

BluesBrother

Welcome aboard the forum!!

My daughter is being pulled in two different directions

Poor soul!, but at least she has you to counter-balance the bulls***t from the Hall. The other kids never hear the other side of things.

pr_capone

Welcome to the forum!

Stick around and chat us up for a while.

Dont feed the Valis.

Kansas District Overbeer

Jez

It's drama when she wants to celebrate holidays, salute the flag, have worldly friends, etc. at school and when she is with us and yet she will get in trouble for doing those things when her dad or his family (he's 33 and still lives with them) finds out. She is too young to take a stand over there because she will get in trouble, get lectured and be made to feel bad. So I think she just tries to lead a double life and lie to them about it. So then they think we are forcing her to do things that bother her conscience. It's drama! It's not right and they expect everyone else to bow to their way of doing things while they are completely intolerant of any other way of doing things. They always play the "it means her everlasting life" card. Can you tell I'm frustrated...

I am in the same situation. I have a 10 year old that sees her father (JW). He forces her to go to meetings and studies with her. So I counterattacked. I studied with her at home. We talked about what a cult is, what love in the bible really means, other religions in the world, the roots of holidays, what was Jesus teaching us. Basically anything that came up, I let HER drive the study and the topic for the study. It has worked out wonderfully. She knows that JW's do not have the 'truth'. She understands some of the basic wrongs of the organization. Ie. Making predictions that don't come true. No charities. Not allowed to take blood. No holidays. Love as the id mark. Armageddon. Only JW saved. Jesus' age of baptism. (they pressure her to get baptised) etc. I made sure she understood and that she does not have to decide anything now. She is young and should just understand how to use the things in the bible for the GOOD of herself and others, it is never meant to harm yourself or other. Basic loving principles are taught. If I don't counter what they try to indoctrate her with, what defense will she have? She knows that ppl are not suppose to force her to do ANYTHING that goes against her conscience. I tell her to REFUSE and REFUSE..and then come to me if/phone me/come home if they won't respect her. To me, this is a big big issue. I will do whatever I have to in order to protect her from having to lead a double life and ignore her conscience. I am teaching her how to respectfully speak up. She has memorized things to say to stop them from manipulating her. Sometimes, I step in. I hate to talk to him, but if I have to for her, I do. I outright tell him that she celebrates the holidays and you are not respecting our religious beliefs. When he scoffs at me, I tell him to tread lightly because religious freedom goes both ways and I won't have him make her feel guilty for being a normal 10 year old. I don't want her to lie to him, and if she is too nervous to say something to him, I will. I told him that if he tells her in any way that me or my family or her is going to die bec we are celebrating holidays or not a JW or that she is making Satan happy and Jehovah sad (his fav line), then I am going to court over it. So while I know that he puts in whatever he feels he can get away with, he treads more lightly now and gently teaches her his religion, and that is his right. He also knows that I will butt in and say, "WAIT, you cn't or should not do this!!" He doesn't want me to get too upset and rock the boat, so it is all ok right now. Jez

Seeking Knowledge

Jez...you and our Newbie Adelmaal give me great hope with my 4 year old. I'm doing exactly the same thing...in the capacity a 4 year old can handle. We go to church, he will have both sides and when the time comes to when he can truely understand, I plan to have the same strategy you both are having with your kids. Right now he understands it's ok to have birthdays (having just celebrated his 4th) and Christmas, etc. I play it gentle with him now, but let him understand that people are different, and that his dad believes differently and that's ok. So far so good.

Thanks!

SK

beebee

I agree with Jez in that it is important to discuss with your child what she is learning and to give her the ammo to dispute it now before she falls for the "doom and gloom" scenarios. She needs to understand that she alone has the power to choose her beliefs at adulthood and that she won't be damned for it. California has some pretty amazing family law so if she's suffering mental abuse from the JW side, you may be able to limit or restrict visitation to supervised only. Corvin (look up his profile..haven't seen him online in awhile) has some specific experience in California dealing with a hostile Witness ex and if you pm him, he may offer some useful information. Threatening her soul is mental abuse.

In California at 14 she is old enough to tell a court mediator she doesn't want to spend so much time with a parent and have her desires given serious consideration. I'm not suggesting you limit visitation unless it is HER desire and/or you feel she is suffering signifcant harm. The more you talk with her, the easier it will be for you to make a determination. Telling her you trust her to think for herself will help empower her. It sounds like you are doing that. Build her confidence and help her have the strength to hold firm to her own convictions even if, in the end, they differ from both yours and her dad's.

Sunspot

Hello and Welcome!

Glad you're out of the Org and found this board- but sad to hear of yet another Watchtower victim.

hugs,

Anne

Yet Another Newbie Here

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