Is it appropriate for a jw to say these things

ayo

I am sorry, I am not a JW, but I have a freind who is. I am a female. I respect your rules etc. My friend is a JW and he is male. he tells me all the time that he loves me and I mean all the time. I have told him not to, but he says he really loves me etc. He has never asked me to be his girlfriend. we have been friends for over 10 years now since high school. he sometimes says things like he wants me blah blah blah and I have told him that he shouldnt do so, because I am not JW and we could not compromise our different christain denominations. i.e such as I become JW. I like him a lot and might even have fallen in love with him but I cant tell him because I dont know if he feels the same way or just "really loves me" I dont know if this "really love you" is a jehovah's witness thing i.e if JW's tell all their friends that. but I cant stand it anymore, but I will not bring myself to tell him I am in love with him ever. what do I do. I am confused. he is sending me messages I cant read.

rwagoner

Hi and welcome,

I grew up in the dubs and can tell you thaat it is sort of an all or nothing situation with them. They are not allowed to "date" as you would think of dating. They go right from interested to I Love You and marriage. Because of the isolated life they lead many are pretty emotionally stunted. I know I was unprepared for social dating when I got out and it took me some time to realize that what I thought was right may not be appropriate.

I am certainly not an expert and you will get lots of responses I'm sure so I hope you can get the info you need.

RandyW

ayo

Thank you rwagoner, but are JW's even allowed to date non-JW's?

rwagoner

not if they are baptised and wish to remain in good standing with the organization....even if they are not baptised they will be discouraged from "worldly" associations.

ayo

what happens to them if they are baptised and date outside of the organization?

freedom96

I have never heard witnesses use the phrase "love you" any different than anyone else would use it. Maybe this guy actually cares for you.

rwagoner

the worse case scenerio is they could be disfellowshipped or basically "kicked out" of the org. if that happens all of the jw's including any family that he has that still attend would be told to shun him.

MungoBaobab

That's not true. A Witness cannot be disfellowshipped for dating outside of his religion. The worst that will happen is he will get a stern warning from one or more of the congregation elders; certainly an awkward situation to begin with, and this will lead to gossip around the Kingdom Hall. I know because I did date a girl who was not a Witness when I supposedly was one in good standing.

As a man, I'm inclined to agree that if he's known you for ten years, he most probably cares for you. When I was dating the non-JW, our families were constantly on us to pick a religion. I always thought, can't we just believe what we want to believe? Why do we have to change? As an atheist now, I can tell you it's a damn shame when so much nonsense comes between two people. Whether you believe in him or not, the love of God never kept anyone warm at night.

Valis

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

please check out this thread for things related to being involved w/a JW

inquirer

Look, I don't know this guy. And I would think about it carefully. But, if he's a hardcore JW, I wouldn't bother with him, because they are really strange people to deal with. He shouldn't be dating you, really. I think it could cause friction between you and him and it cause a break up because of the JW people would gossip and then they would see you with him and it's potentially an ugly situation. I think the only way to deal with this situation, is to tell him you can't marry a JW because it would cause too many problems!

On the other hand, if he's open-minded (unfortunately not many of them are) I know not many of them are it might work out. With me, I am pretty reasonable. I am pretty tolerant of other people's thoughts on things. I did meet some JW's (it was rare) who could speak to about anything just about and still respect you as a human being. If he is hardcore, I would think very hard about this marrying him. He would always try to JW-ise you. And you would be "no-ing" him and... they just never leave you alone those people.

I hope you think about all I said. So many breakups in today's society.

I still believe in most JW theology, and I could marry someone that didn't share my beliefs and not give a toss about it. But most JW's can't do that. Hope he is one of those tolerant ones...

...Ask him what he thinks about "only marrying in the Lord?" That's an icebreaker! :D Such an important Scripture for a J-dub!

Is it appropriate for a jw to say these things

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