Opposition to this site

by Crumpet 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  LeslieV

  Men have a tendency to be solvers. Give them the problem and they will solve it. This problem obvioulsy he knows he can't fix...so there is always fear of the unknown. He really has no idea who ex JW's are, anymore than he understands how JW's think.

  Just keep assuring him that you are dealing with this problem by talking to others that understand, and have many similiar reactions to being a JW as you have had. It really is no different then any 12 step program. But just like 12 step programs many partners, spouses etc. feel left out, they don't like the time it takes to deal with these issues. Good luck!!!

  Leslie
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  truth_about_the_truth

  Tell him that his opposition to this site was foretold in the Bible that true Christians would be persecuted.
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  jeanniebeanz

  Hi, Crumpet.

  I am married to one of the least controlling, most understanding and patient people you could ever hope to meet, and *he* has issues with the site. He feels somehow inadaquate in that he cannot fix this issue. His view is 'you cannot change the past, why dwell on it'. Although I do not dwell on it, I do talk about it and that, in his book, is not healthy. He sees this site has stirred feelings that I have not expressed to him, ever. He says, 'you never thought about this before, it's not good for you'. My answer was, 'yeah? what about the two bleeding ulcers that I have been battling since we met? ya think I havn't thought about this before now?'

  I have done more moving past it in the couple months I've been here than in the past 9 years and he's seeing that. At first, I was on here for hours every day, now I pop in less frequently and actually get the house clean. He's mellowed, but it took a little bit for him to view this as something that was not going to hurt me.

  Your man may feel that you are torturing yourself, and he can't do anything about it. He may also be suspicious of 'internet weirdos' and have the wrong idea of who is in here. Be patient, don't bombard him, share if he's interested, and otherwise, maybe find a time to be online when he is not there! He'll either get over it or he'll go. Either way, would you want him to stay if something this insignificant would make him bale? You're worth a better man then.

  Worked for me.

  Jeannie
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  Crumpet

  Thanks for your comments "itsallgoodnow" and in case no one has said so b4 now salutations to your cuteness! great photo.

  He's not normally jealous, but then again I dont get out all that much. I stay at home because I'm paying off a huge loan, acquired through the period where I was seducing him with clothes and chucking my money around like my salary matched his! hehe. So for me when he is out this site is very diverting and I dont get jealous over what he's doing so much. Interesting thoughts though. I'm concluding he just is worried that i mite get hooked up in some other cult by hanging out here, but I've tried to explain that this is not a religious site.... sigh!
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  BluesBrother

  One more "Sad weirdo" speaking.. Hey that would make a good screen name for someone! I get a lot of stick too but since my wife is a die hard dub, I cannot blame her for believing that I am "Dealing with the Devil"

  As somebody said further up the thread

  Unless you have lived it, there is no understanding it.

  Non ex witnesses can never put themselves in our place. The emotional trauma of leaving is such that we need to relate to each other .. Please keep posting and try to win him round.
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  Sassy

  Crumpet.. My bf has never been a JW.. and I know sometimes he thinks I should get off here and move on. He doesn't always look at it as a healthy thing.. but that is because he doesnt' really understand..

  but I am here for me..

  and I am here for you.. and others like us..

  so I'll still be coming.. I sure hope he eases up on ya about it
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  Crumpet

  jeannie - excellent points and so good to hear from some with a S/O who has similar views. Has yours ever looked ?

  His view is 'you cannot change the past, why dwell on it'. Although I do not dwell on it, I do talk about it and that, in his book, is not healthy. He sees this site has stirred feelings that I have not expressed to him, ever. He says, 'you never thought about this before, it's not good for you'. My answer was, 'yeah? what about the two bleeding ulcers that I have been battling since we met? ya think I havn't thought about this before now?'

  My other half knows that this brings me down ocassionally, in fact more often than not - he constantly brings up my weird upbringing up as an explanation for my weirdness, which has ocassionally got more serious than just weird in terms of the physical scars he can behold for himself on my body but chooses to ignore or feign surprise....

  I dont think being here forever being bitter is healthy but then that is not what this board is about. Its a place to tell, share and make fun. Maybe he wants to be more part of the solution, but then many times he has suggested therapy but that is wayyyy to expensive to even consider.

  Thank you for telling me your experience, it really helps. Maybe if i give it some time, like you say, rather than bombard him, he'll be able to read some of the stuff here and have a laugh when i explain the in jokes and stuff that crack me up so much!

  crumpet x
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  Crumpet

  Simon I've heard positive reports from from my friend LT (from childhood) and hope to get permission to join you "sad weirdos" at the apostabbq in somerset!
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  Crumpet

  Guys I am overwhelmed by your ideas and support - how anyone would consider us weirdos now I do not know. People who helped themselves, might be a way I'd phrase it.

  Every single thing that has been said has had resonances so far and i wanted to reply to everyone individually but its impossible. I kind of expected maybe a couple of ladies out there max to be able to understand this phenomenon. I call it that because i totaly expected my b/f to be delighted that i had found this site and you people! I think he has loads in common without realising it!

  Hi Crumpet,

  There are many red flags associated with your boyfriend's behavior. Please do not trade the controlling bOrganization for a controlling, possessive, and jealous boyfriend. This is the kind of behavior that is implied in your post.

  This comment particularly made sense. I dont have a horrible controlling b/f but i have definitely picked someone very similar to my father (Freud alert). But I still love my father even though he's had f' all to do with me since I left for the last time when I was 22ish and respect him and my b/f is very like him. Thanks for pointing that out - there is so much to talk about on that subject ... i could wax on for hours! hehe
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  Crumpet

  jwbot - thank you

  This is who Mike and I are. The think is, you need to tell your boyfriend that this site is IMPORTANT to you and the healing process. Perhaps he would have felt otherwise if you were sexually abused and frequented support sites? To me, coming out from being a JW is very life-changing and as dramatic to ones mental health. He needs to understand this. My fiance Mike knows how much being a JW has taken from me and how getting out of the religion was very difficult. He is very happy that I am able to get support from people who have been through the same time.

  I have decided that i will give it time and try again and tell my other half again that this soo important, but does not take away from our relstionship. I hope I dont have to wait too long. He can't be just be boethered about the phone bill!