confused Im a non JW and my boyfriend is one of the JWs (page 3)

indispair

Why would anybody who is claiming to believe what the Witnesses write is truth be on this forum to begin with. I am not saying it is wrong but you must at least be questioning things.

AK - Jeff

We see this sort of problem on here often. Clearly you have committed to the religion [halfheartedly it seems], and to the young man [more fully].

Trust me on this ; His loyalty is the issue. He thinks that loyalty to the Watchtower organization = loyalty to God. So he has a tough decision. What he needs to understand is that the two are not the same. Most witnesses never do - but thousands who have left [some of whom post here] do get the difference. But it is a rough trip out of the Fantasy Fog for many. Can he make it? Will he try? Who knows. But if you are not honest with him about the doubts you have - how can that be fair to him?

With you the issue is; honesty! Do you really want to yoke together two persons who have such differing world views, without giving air to these issues and allowing them to be considered? If you marry under that type of situation the issue will rare it's ugly head again - trust me. And then it may be much uglier to deal with - especially if kids are in the picture.

As far as what you can trust on this site; no one can vouch that all is true that is posted here. But I spent 45 years in the organization - I have seen much of what is reported here. And many long time x's that post here are decent and honest. Dozens or hundreds are ex-elders, pioneers, even circuit overseers and bethelites. They all loved the 'truth' and left due to conscience in most cases - not to be evil in any way. Most will even defend the organization when truly unfair statements are made about it. Some are disgruntled - most have just seen that the 'truth' is not the 'truth'. Look at the ones that seem fair and honest - private mail them if u need to. Marriage is forever - or supposed to be - but the pain of what can happen if you are not honest can last a lifetime too - but not pleasant lifetime.

We care.

Jeff

RunningMan

When I asked him what quality he loves about me the most, he told me...number one,you serve Jehovah.

Do you realize just how unbalanced that statement is?

If he had responded that the thing he loved about you most is that you are a dental hygenist, or that you belong to a club (which is basically what he said), you would consider him a nut job.

yrs2long

Welcome to the board, Sun_dae. This issue comes up often and you can verify and probably identify with many who have posted on this very topic by doing a search. In fact, I recall a few who returned a short while later and posted the results of their relationships. I think their was even a poster called concerned_mama.

I'm not understanding why your boyfriend wants you to commit to something that he hasn't fully committed to himself. Though he claims that the woman he dates or marries MUST become baptized, he still somehow manages to get himself attached to non-witness women. Is this his method of attracting followers to the faith in lieu of going door-to-door?

concerned mama

I still peek in at the forum.

Sun_dae, listen to what they have to say. If he loves you for your involvement with the JWs, and you don't want to be there, I don't see much hope for a successful relationship.

In fairness to both of you, be honest with him. Let the dust settle and see where you are. If the situation isn't good, move on with your life. Look for someone who loves you for what you really are.

jwbot

"When I asked him what quality he loves about me the most, he told me...number one,you serve Jehovah."

So...he does not love that you are nice, or a good person, or that you are beautiful? He loves you mainly because you are joining his religion? Think about it, I mean, really think about it.

sun_dae

thank you everyone.

Right now I don't think he really realizes the difference between the organization and God himself and he doesn't seem to know of my worth more than being a part of the organization. But, I am willing to wait. I love him so much and I wouldn't run away because I want to give him a chance to realise everything. Yesterday I asked him if he would still court me if he has not seen me attending meetings but would know me in some other way. It hurts, he said MAYBE no. I do understand because we had only known about 5 mos...he doesn't know me that much yet. I told him I would ask the same question again once he has really known who I am and his reply may determine of our future together. I have written a letter which I plan to give him whenever he would have the same reply again...my letter has in it the ff:

It is better not to be loved than to be loved for who I am not. I love you that's why I have to be honest with you even if it would mean losing you. It hurts but I cannot afford to lose myself. It's but normal for an employer to consider the schools attended by two different applicants because he does not know the applicants personally but maybe familiar with the school. God is entirely different because he knows his people personally and would judge them individually.

The letter is 3 pages long but these I think are the most important thougths.

again...thank you...

Black Sheep

Hi sun-dae.

I just noticed this

When we have talks he always says he's so guilty because he's not doing anything and his spirituality has not grown

Unfortunately, guilt plays a large part in the lives of JWs, especially 'weak' ones. It is instilled into them as children and you will be required to do the same to your own children.

I grew up with this shit instilled into my head and even though I had never been baptised and had been out for nearly 30 years, the guilt was still there and had to be buried in the dark recesses of my mind. I was 50 before I woke up and realised they had been lying to me and I had never been guilty of anything of consequence. By that time my wife had instilled this stuff into my own children.

Now three generations of my family are convinced that I have been employed by Satan to destroy their faith in Jehovah and lead them to destruction and they are trying to pull their guilt shit on me, judging my actions against their pharisitical rules, morals and doctrines.

Even if you are prepared to make sacrifices of your self, please don't sacrifice your children's right to lives free of the illegitimate JW guilt trip.

I wish you a long and happy marriage, and urge you to choose a mate carefully, so that you can accomplish that.

Chris

happtey

i am an un-baptized publisher that upon my studies married a man that i have been with prior to my studying. We were married when we both were on the same path which was to serve JEHOVAH together. Now that we are married he has a change of heart. If i had known that this was going to happen.... i never would have said i do. Because having a divided household is just so not what i wanted. He is a great man but i want is someone that shares my beliefs and love for JEHOVAH. I say if you love this guy, love him enough to let him go and maybe find a JW sister. Be selfless and not selfish.

happtey

i am an un-baptized publisher that upon my studies married a man that i have been with prior to my studying. We were married when we both were on the same path which was to serve JEHOVAH together. Now that we are married he has a change of heart. If i had known that this was going to happen.... i never would have said i do. Because having a divided household is just so not what i wanted. He is a great man but i want is someone that shares my beliefs and love for JEHOVAH. I say if you love this guy, love him enough to let him go and let him maybe find a JW sister. Be selfless and not selfish.

confused Im a non JW and my boyfriend is one of the JWs

Share this