Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

by adelmaal 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  adelmaal

  Valis:

  You are correct. But what I want, which involves child custody and visitation, does require going to court in California.

  Concerns about child custody and visitation orders issued by the Family Court must be directed to the Family Court Services Office in the county where the orders were issued. Family Court Investigators, Child Custody Evaluators, and Family Court Mediators are available to provide dispute resolution in each of the 58 counties. The telephone number for Family Court Services is in the County Government section of the local telephone directory under "Courts" or you may also find custody-related information and county contact telephone numbers at www.courtinfo.ca.gov

  Yes, I can get a mediation appointment. Yes the mediator will probably try to strike a compromise, which he will not agree to (the word compromise is not in a JWs vocabulary) and yes I will have to go to court after that because mediation will do no good with him. He will have an attorney and I will not. His attorney will know the law and I will not.

  I have been there done that with her dad. He had a lawyer and I did not. I took him to court because he was living with his parents, making plenty of money and paying hardly any child support ($280.00/mo. when daycare for my daughter alone cost me over $500.00/mo. and I had her full-time). Typical JW-mo. In the meantime, I was paying over $1000.00/mo. in daycare alone for both my children and supporting two children full-time on my own in a 1 bedroom apartment. He hired an attorney and countered me with a joint custody suit for our daughter. We agreed to joint custody in mediation (I felt it was best for my daughter to have equal access to both parents) and we also agreed he would pay above guideline support so I would be able to afford to live locally and still support my children and provide adequate childcare for them. Bottem line is he lied. I got royally screwed when his lawyer stood up in court (outside of mediation) and said that any agreements reached between her father and myself were considered ex parte (mind you I was held to the decision regarding joint custody) and he just sat there quietly and let her screw me over when it came to calculating child support based on the joint custody agreement rather than based on our verbal agreement. He ended up with more time with our daughter because I followed through on my end of the bargain and I ended up with less child support! The bottem line is it was a bunch of stress and it ended badly for my daughter and myself. Communications were strained for a long time.

  All I want at the moment is to force his hand in agreeing to allow me to have her for Christmas. I'm not interested in another all out court battle until I can afford a high priced attorney.

  I appreciate your support though because I too would advise the same thing. Just not a battle I'm willing to take on single-handedly at the moment.
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  adelmaal

  In my opinion children should never be in the middle of parents, sacrificing yourself for your kids may be the right option. I make it a point now to let my kids know they will make the choice on what to believe, and how to believe it. Not me, and not the rest of their family. Their belief structure will be their own to make and cherish. Keeping the arguing between parents to a dull roar helps in allowing the kids to see respect for other belief systems from at least one parent, they will in time really see the difference on their own and make their own choice.

  Sounds allot like the way I have been trying to do things. I just seems I am the one doing all the sacrificing while she misses out because he is unwilling to sacrifice. We have had separate celebrations just us when she is at her dad's on the actual date of the celebration. But my entire extended family (aunts, uncles, grandmas, grampas, etc.) gets together for Christmas. I was raised a non-JW. She misses out on all that and she feels sad when she hears about it and could not go. I feel bad for her because her brother and soon to be new sister will be a part of that and I don't want to tell her she can't. It's drama...
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  adelmaal

  Elsewhere:

  Thanks! Love the info. regarding "Amen". Nice and simple. Easy for my daughter to understand.
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  AlmostAtheist

  Gina did some research on Christmas and found that several customs actually have many different "origins". It's a bit like looking into the origins of words. Some are very clear cut, having come from the Greek word [whatever], which meant [whatever]. But sometimes the word has two or more "origin paths" that it may have come through, or may have been influenced by both.

  The Christmas tree, for example. Gina found that the modern-day tree has its origin in the relatively recent past (200 years? 300?) and wasn't at all pagan. The fact that some pagan somewhere cut down a tree and put it in his house for a completely different reason doesn't actually make it the "origin" of the Christmas tree.

  JW's like to trot out the book "The Two Babylons" which attempts to tie just about everything to something wicked in the past. To see the hoops the guy is willing to jump through to make his point, it's ludicrous to even bother listening to him. (And I seriously doubt any Witness that quotes from it has actually read it, they're just regurgitating what snippets they've read in the Watchtower)

  Dave
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  Seeking Knowledge

  Hi Adelmaal

  I've got the same problem with my ex, in that he's not willing to compromise anything, the rules are his and that's the way he wants to play it. The difference is, I did have a lawyer and made sure I got all major holidays with my son.

  When it comes to changing "our days" I'm learning that it's best to put it in writing what you want. You need to document everything you are doing to show, one day, that you have tried to reason with this man and have tried to make your daughters needs first. She's at an age now where she can speak up, and if she wants to do Christmas with you, he needs to take that into consideration. That being said, I know what you are up against.

  With my ex, I approach it in a calm almost casual manner "hey, we're doing this & that this year in December, and I would like to know if you're willing to switch a date with me? I want December 25, and since I have ____ during the Memorial, I thought that would be the best switch for us" or something like that. Usually, when I make it come out "his" idea (in his own one celled brain) he is usually receptive to it. Tell him you need to know by a certain date & get it in writing, get it signed by both of you and get it notarized. I have to do this each & every time. I can tell you mediation is in our future as well and no doubt he won't go or won't agree to anything. That is not in the best interest of the kid and the courts don't like that! Just a thought!

  SK