Do your dreams affect your life....

by Crumpet 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Crumpet

  ...or are they just a source of nightly entertainment? Alternatively How directly do your day to day activities insert themselves into your dreams

  The reason I ask is because I had a dream last night which I think might actually be life changing. There was a conversation on this board in the last couple of days about smacking children and JW reactions to children - they they are selfish lower life forms, to be disciplined for the slightest offence. From this and remembering my own experiences I realised that my rather brutal mean attitude to childrern has resulted in major part from how my parents abandoned me when I was disfellowshipped and still a child and how I was raised to think of kids. The attitude though has sat uncomfrtably with me and makes me feel mean, hostil and angry - especially when my b/f's daughter comes to stay. I have zero tolerance and have to escape - from a 9 year old. Its ridiculous and I used to adore children - after meetings you would alwys find me holding court with the kids. And when I was 15 I spent all my time babysitting and eventually got a job as a part time live in nanny for a little chinese boy who I loved dearly. Somehow in being made to leave home this all changed and I have avoided kids ever since.

  Anyway in my dream last night I met a man (who's name was Peter Suen - I don't know anyone of either name, so I guess my brain made it up) who had three children under 7 - a girl and two boys. Their mother had died of cancer some months before and the children were sweet but terribly sad. In my dream I felt an overwhelming pity and maternal instinct for them and decided that I would look after them all - I would be their mother. When I woke up this morning I just felt lovely - like something had been restored to me. I felt the way I did when I was 15 or 16. I hope the feeling lasts, and that better still I will be able to transfer this postive feeling into action when my b/f's daughter visits next weekend. Because it has finally dawneed on me that children only need love and postivity to grown up to be loving positive people and that there is no reason on this earth that I should have carried around this chip of disliking and resenting children when I used to love it so much.

  Anyway sorry if I've gone on a bit - feel free to do the same back. I love to hear about people's dreams and what they personally deduce from them!
• 

  Gill

  Hi Crumpet! Your dreams can help unscrew your head if you spend a little time thinking about them. I remember you saying in one post that you would never have children because of your JW upbringing and you feared being like your parents. This does not follow. I know you know a 'little bit' about my childhood. I have five children and I'm, I believe a very good mum. My bad experiences, though having scarred me, have made me empathetic, thoughtful and very, very considerate to other people's needs. I do not consider myself a lesser person for being able to feel these things and for getting satisfation for taking care of others.

  I hope you can get in touch with your maternal side and let your JW indoctrination go. Whether you chose to be a mum one day or not, it's okay to love and care and put other people ahead of yourself and ahead of the WTBTS. Sometimes that crap gets lodged in your head and it's like a nasty virus in your computer....reconfiguring the files and isolating the virus can be bloody hard work.
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  gumby

  Hi Crumpet.

  I wish I could remember my dreams. You remebered Peter Suen! Not me....I can't ever even recall what my dreams are about....and if I do, it's very little and not worthn telling as it never would make an understandable story as I only remeber little bits if I remember anything at all as I said.

  I was wondering something. Do you think you have trouble with all 9 year olds......or just your boyfriends daughter? Could it be you resent her as she too requires and gets attention from her father... and you feel second place? I'm only guessing and have no idea.....so don't get mad at me for wondering and trying to figure out your dilema if I'm off base.

  Gumby
• 

  xenawarrior

  I wish I could remember my dreams.

  Hey gumball- try this okay? For the next 3 weeks- every night before you go to bed, tell yourself, out loud "I will remember my dreams" After a little while you may find that you are remembering them because you told your mind to instead of telling your mind: " I can't ever even recall what my dreams are about....and if I do, it's very little and not worthn telling as it never would make an understandable story as I only remeber little bits if I remember anything at all as I said.

  Your mind will do what you tell it to. I did this when I was about 13. Lots of people around me were talking about their dreams and I asked my Mom why I didn't remember my dreams. She told me to try this and it worked!
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  Crumpet

  Hi Gill

  I agree your upbringing does not HAVE to impact negatively on your own children and you do sound like a lovely mother, but my problem has been not being able to move on in my head if you see what I mean. I was aware I was not being very warm, although never ever neglectful, to Paul's little girl. And I do often catch sight of my mother in the mirror or find myself doing things that she did and I worry that the things I learned are so ingrained that I can;t root them out. But the extraordinary dream last night gave me a smidgeon of hope that maybe I'm not all cold hard and stoney inside. And I have plenty of time to practise NOT being like my parents with Lauren - in fact if I look at it that way I might actually really enjoy the challenge. And this is all been provoked by this board and discussions and themes brought up by people here. I don't think I have talked this much in years and years - its so liberating, its unbelievable. I wish my partner could share my enthusiasm for it, but perhaps if he starts seeing me shed some of my more irritating black personality traits as a result of this then maybe he will!

  (Hehe - I'm starting to sound like a JW wife trying to persuade an opposing hubby.)

  crumpet x
• 

  Crumpet

  Hi Gumby - I am FURIOUS that you would suggest something like that!

  LOL - only kidding. Yes indirectly that is a fair point. I don't really resent the attention she gets from her Dad as such, because the way I see it I get him 6 days a week and she only gets him the one, which is awful for any child and should not happen. I don't resent their time together at all, but I do resist joining in and I know that they both find this a bit odd and sometimes upsetting that I don't get involved. I do get a little jealous that she seems to be having such a nice fun childhood and I didn't, but that doesnt mean I don't want her to have one. Part of my withdrawal has been because her mother has been making difficulties over access and because I just can't deal with it I back away. So there are lots of different issues - but just dreaming that I was capable of all that warmth love and positive feeling towards children was encouraging for me.

  Thanks for your thoughts
• 

  Crumpet

  Gumby - let us know if xena's suggestion works! I'd hate not to have my little nightly excursions - even the scary ones are better than no dream at all!
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  gumby

  I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams....I WILL remember my dreams.... *passes out and pisses the bed*

  Gumby
• 

  Crumpet

  I hope the bedwetting doesnt recurr for you gumby with your first dream!

  But I would still be quite keen to hear about other people's favourite/worst dreams/mares or dreams that they had like Joseph that influenced or affected real life decisions. Other wise maybe I am just a weirdo!
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  wednesday

  Crumpet,

  one way to understand dreams is the gestalt way. Take your dream and identify the characters and then role play. In the gestalt method, u are everyone in the dream. So pretend u are each person in the dream. What is your role in the dream, what are u doing in the dream, how does each character feel. This has helped me take apart dreams and see what meaning they have for my life.

  As far as children, my advise for U, see a therapist before u put yourself in charge of a precious child's life .U were once a small innocent child and someone hurt u. Before u are in charge of a small innocent life, work through all that pain.I read your story and was crying as I read it. U been severly abused .

  best to u

  weds