by stevenyc 16 Replies latest jw friends
I am completely surprised by the amount of posts over the last couple of weeks of people (lurkers) signing up to the board and introducing themselves. Most still part of the JW cult, but thinking for themselves and wanting real answers.
I?m still a newbie to the board so I would like to know if this is common. Have you JWD hacks seen this type of activity often, or is there a rush happening?
steve
ive only been here for about a year all together...but this is a huge rush compared to what ive seen..
Steve,
Funny you would mention a 12 step program. I just returned a PM to wanderlustguy telling him I am writing a long post about the phases people go through when they leave the JW's. I started it a few years ago but lost interest in posting it. I am looking at it again and will be posting it in a few days. Here are the bulleted steps as I have observed them. Ill post the explanations when I finish writing them.
1. Questioning and becoming honest with yourself
2. The rinsing and drying of a brainwashed mind
3. Anger, don't kick the puppy
4. Relearning how to learn
5. Epiphanies and discovering reality
6. Now where? Finding your Teddy bear
7. Finding Balance
8. What the hell is normal?
Dave
Can't wait for the post.
Any chance of a pre-release version?
-Aude.
1. Questioning and becoming honest with yourself
2. The rinsing and drying of a brainwashed mind
3. Anger, don't kick the puppy
4. Relearning how to learn
5. Epiphanies and discovering reality
6. Now where? Finding your Teddy bear
7. Finding Balance
8. What the hell is normal?
Great idea, Dave, but are you going to make it into a mini-series for the "lazy to read" class???
I seem to be stuck at steps 7&8, if I understand you correctly. Bad habits need to change eh.
I am completely surprised by the amount of posts over the last couple of weeks of people (lurkers) signing up to the board and introducing themselves. Most still part of the JW cult, but thinking for themselves and wanting real answers.
Its a prophetic sign that the end of the WT is near. All we can do is hope and pray.
I left the cult about 10 years ago. GIRLS what can you do eh? (a lovely little cutie, outside the cult, pulled my heart while I dragged my ?faith heels?).
Only now am I dealing with the emotional/spiritual/life/whaterthefuckyouwanttocallit scars left behind.
Coming to the board has been so overwhelmingly correct for me (I now that sounds strange but I don?t have the English major to elucidate my feelings (yeh, elucidate dam it! Thank you Word thesaurus)) to communicate with people that have gone through the same torturous shit I went though, and it has made a difference. Who?a thought other people had the same life I did!
Dave I sent you a PM once explaining where I am that went something like this:
I?m currently meeting my demons of old, saying hello, shaking their hand, and telling them to [edit] off.
I think I?m currently at the kicking puppies stage. I am very angry after understanding what this whole shit is all about. Who the real WTBTS are.
Being out of cult for so long you?d think I wouldn?t care any more. But, in those ten years out I never addressed the root of some of my fundamental behaviors. I?m not saying I?m psycho or anything; I?m talking about day to day living, or rather day to day fears.
So, to round up, I?m surprised of the amount of newbies, and welcome the experiences of you old hacks.
Steve.
This thread interested me so I did a google search on cults and recovery. I found this by Jan Groenveld, she was a member of this forum and used to write some incredible stuff to help JW with recovery. Sadly she has since passed on but here is a copy/paste of some of her work I found on google, enjoy:
IT HURTS to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the "one true religion," the "path to total fredom," or "truth" was in reality a cult.
IT HURTS when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were "pulling the wool over your eyes" albeit unwittingly.
IT HURTS when you learn that those you were taught were your "enemies" were telling the truth after all -- but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.
IT HURTS when you know your faith in God hasn't changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
IT HURTS to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?
IT HURTS to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren't there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.
IT HURTS to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.
IT HURTS when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don't know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
IT HURTS when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are "floating" and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
IT HURTS when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
IT HURTS when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their "I told you so" whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
IT HURTS when you realize you gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?
IT HURTS because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time........ at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
THE PAIN OF GRIEF
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer. Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn't -- It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
YES - IT HURTS BUT THE HURTS WILL HEAL WITH TIME, PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING
There is life after the cult.
Copyright (c) Jan Groenveld
Bikerchic,
Thank you, I never thought this post would give me something special. I?m not ?love bombing? / ?group hugging? or anything when I say that, but here is a list I can identify with. It?s a shame I won?t have the pleasure of conversing with Jan.
The most poignant item for me is ?you have so much time on your hands now?
OVERWHELMING.
Steve.
Steve you are welcome. You might try a search on here with Jan's name and see what you can come up with I think her Alis was JanG. I can also do a search and see what I can find and PM you with it. She really offered some good information on cults and was an X JW.
Hopefully some of the old timers here will pipe up and have more information on her. I was a newbie at the time and loved her posts, I was still relatively new to the board when she passed on.
Kate
