I still think it might be the truth - what is wrong with me?

by slimboyfat 126 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  fairchild

  slimboyfat,

  Let's say that you are digging a hole in your yard in order to put a pole in for your clothesline. All of a sudden, you see something glistening in the dirt. You pick it up, and it looks like a diamond to you. You take it to a jeweler to have it checked out. The guy tells you that it is indeed a diamond. For years, you walk around with this precious gem in your pocket. You know it inside out, because you look at it every day. One of the edges is a bit green, but hey, it's a diamond, because the jeweler told you so, and he knew what he was talking about. One day, you show this gem to a friend. Your friend points out the green edge and tells you it is a mineral all right, but it is not a diamond. You start doing reading up on this, and that 'green edge' keeps coming back in the reading material. However, you have been convinced for such a long time that you had a diamond in your pocket. After all, you had confirmation from a reliable source. You do see the green edge, but the question will always be on your mind.. is it, or is it not a diamond. Why? Just because. it's that simple, it really is.

  The WBTS was a glistening diamond to all of us, at one point in time. Some of us were born in the truth. Our parents told us about that glistening diamond, and where would you find a source you trust more than your own parents? Some of us 'found' the diamond while digging. Perhaps we were digging for 'truth', or perhaps we were digging to bury something and we happen to stumble upon it. But the diamond does have green edges. 607 BCE, 1914, this generation, 1975, the UN, to name a few..

  Now, there are people who will toss the diamond in the garbage, because they found out it was not a diamond after all, because of that green edge. Other people will keep in, unwilling to believe that it is not a diamond, because after all, it does shine. And then there are people who will walk around with the diamond in their pocket, always torn. Is it or is it not a diamond? They don't know.

  It is up to you to decide if the WBTS is your diamond or not, and nobody can do that for you. I don't know how long you were a JW for, or why you are not a JW today. I DO know that as long as you keep that diamond in your pocket, you will be torn between the is it, or is it not questions. I really wish I could help you, but who am I?

  God knows what's in your heart. There are many good people out there, JW's, non JW's and atheists alike. I don't believe for one second that God will destroy everyone who is not a part of the WBTS. Try to find some peace on your journey, we all need that.
• 

  seven006

  Slim,

  I know this will probably be a total waste of time since you are bent so far over and busy looking for colon polyps, but I'll try and 'splain one of the aspect of the issue that just may be a bit hypocritical.

  The JW's made martyrs out of some of their members and printed volumes of propaganda about them dying for the cause when they were being killed in Malawi among other places. All they had to do was sign a stupid little card joining the political party of their tiny ass shit-hole of a third world county and the bad non-JW army men would not blow their little brains out with their new Russian AK47 machine guns.

  They kept comparing them to the three guys (Radshack, Meshack and Around-the-bend-ago) who would not bow down to an idol and got their asses bar-b-qed for having such undying faith. They kept going on about how faithful the brothers were in Malawi and printed their last letters in the stupid yearbook that they wrote to their wives telling them by the time they read their letter, they will be dead. Praise jah and all that tear jerking crap.

  Then for some asinine reason the leadership of the watchtower sings a little card to get library books from the wild beast, the most evil of all evil world powers. Not an insignificant pettily little third world country, but the big Kahuna of nasty, evil, god hating world powers according to their on again off again prophecy of divine insight. It's no big deal, no one was holding an AK47 at their head, they just needed a book or two from the wild beast so they could find another quote to misquote. They in essence had to join one of the UN's Mickey Mouse Clubs to do it, but what the hell, it's just club, it's not like saying the UN was a real live filthy beast or anything.

  As long as the boys in New York have their asses out of harms way, the average brain dead JW can't see the problem or the big deal all us evil apostates make out of it. Some of their heads are buried so deep in the sand the're sucking bedrock.

  There are other reasons but that one just happens to be my favorite. Now, say "so what," then bend over again and go back to your polyp hunting. Katie Couric will be proud of you.

  Dave
• 

  Ticker

  Hello Slimboy, I just wanted to add that I left of my own accord and not because I couldn't live up to biblical morals. I was never reprimanded for any wrongdoing that could be scripturally founded. I was disheartened by the attitudes of thoese within the society, hurt by the hypocrisy, and just had enough. I prayed to God and though it wasn't easy I never gave up, I learned to rely more heavily on the creator, as it became a personal relationship. A 3 fold cord, me, Christ, and the heavenly father.

  I too suffered many times from feelings that maybe I made a mistake by leaving, maybe it was the truth and I was being blinded by apostate literature. I realized though by further research into psychology, the transition period that one goes through when leaving a high control group, that former JW's are not alone in feeling this way or having flashbacks to JW thinking. It takes time, even years to overcome this, its part of the recovery period and former members of many different groups face the same problem with exiting. It helps to read the material presented here and in other books but sometimes as in my case it was of great benefit to study the psychological effects and feelings that one goes through. It also gives one a break from disecting doctrines and reinforces the point home as to what happened and why you feel the way you do when you leave the organization. Ive done just as much psychological research as I have doctrinal research and if you are truly experiencing these feelings, you may be going through a normal phase of recovery. Im just basically trying to say that it may help you to learn about the emotional states that you go through in the road to recovery. You will be much better prepared if you realize why and how you feel as you do. Some great books that deal with the psychological effects that plauge former members are "Margaret Singer Cults in our midst", or "Steven Hassen Combatting Cult Mind Control". Both of these books are non-jw specific but rather cover a generality of the effects of involvement in such groups. Margaret Singer was a Psychiatrist and her book was very helpful in sorting the emotions that one goes through in this tumultuous period of transition.

  Your next best bet is to dig into that bible sitting on your shelf and really discover what it says. Remeber this book is addressed to you and not just a certain number of annointed, read it and reflect. This is what first helped to open up my eyes that not all was right in the way I was worshiping. Its amazing in how you can disclose what they try to hide by just earnestly reading this book on its own. Other then that its up to you, you can give up your search for God and be content or continually strive to find truth. To me Jesus is the truth and the life. John 14:6 Truth cannot be found among men or organizations, but truth is being a follower of Christ, a fellow slave, and humbly submitting to his authourity. Hope this helps as I tried to cover various points and different ways to cope.

  Ticker
• 

  seattleniceguy

  Hello SBF,

  I seem to be in the minority of people here that sees you as a sincere, if conflicted, seeker. To address some of your points:

  It is true that some of the people on the board seem excessively intolerant of JW-ism compared to other beliefs that they also feel are wrong. I have sympathy for this tendency because we have personal experience with JW-ism, so we know how it is harmful, whereas thinking about other religions feels more academic.

  With regard to reasons for leaving, I think you're allowing the JW line to affect the way you see the people here. I personally had no problem being a Witness. In fact, things were going pretty well for me. I had just quit my job to begin pioneering and I was hitting it off with a smart and pretty sister my age, a true rarity in the organization.

  I assure you that I did not want the religion to turn out false. But when I discovered that it was false, I had no other course of action but to leave it.

  For me, doctrinal debates are pointless because I do not find any compelling evidence for the Bible being anything more than an ancient religious book. But that, of course, renders the entire religion an exercise in uselessness. It means that they believe things that I find to be patently false. In order to stay a Witness, I would have had to believe in a fantasy world, which would have meant to lack in personal intellectual honesty.

  My advice? Deconstruct your belief system all the way down to the things for which you have actual physical proof. Then start building it up from there, assigning varying degrees of confidence to each premise. Even the existence of God is not clearly manifest (instead it is a leap you make from observing other things), so it should not get a mark of 100% confidence. Each leap you make up the ladder should receive a lower mark of confidence unless it is extraordinarily well established by the lower premises.

  I'd be happy to assist at any stage of this process. Just send me a PM.

  SNG
• 

  seattleniceguy

  I wrote an allegory when I first left to help people to think about what they do and do not know for sure about the universe. This allegory is not meant to preach any particular point of view, but rather to help in deconstructing.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/63470/1.ashx

  SNG
• 

  PointBlank

  I have been reading apostate stuff for years. But I am not convinced. I just wanted to see if anyone knows why. I am not convinced that only someone with an emotional problem would reject apostate claims. That seems a wholely arrogant suggestion. Maybe it simply means that the apostate way is not the only way.

  SBF, it seems most of the responses have fallen along the lines of trolling. On the off chance that you're actually serious about your inquiry, I have this to offer.

  For me, spirituality is at the core of my being. God and truth have always been of utmost importance. After an indepth study of JW teachings that left me spiritually starving, I, like you, spent years reading 'apostate' material. But the Watchtower doctrine had a vice grip on my heart, one so strong that it affected my mental capacity. I read 'apostate' material and 'scolarly' christian works repeatedly. But no matter how much I immersed myself, something inside me held on to the miniscule belief that JW's had the 'truth', even if some of it was tainted. Over the years I had bought into the belief that 'truth' could not be found anywhere else. That created a mental block. And regardless of how much I read or listened to what others had to say about the JWs, I still fell back on my shifting safety net, the JW religion. However, I just 'knew' something wasn't right. The JW religion was slipping away and I could feel it. This was simply part of the process of losing my religion and it was one of the most traumatic things that's ever happened in my entire life. I literally thought I was going to have a mental breakdown (Randy Watters and Marilyn on the 1-800-why1914 hotline might have thought so too).

  To make a long story short, finally, after years, I came to the conclusion that there's nothing out there written by man that was going to convince me. There wasn't another living (or dead) person that had the capacity to help me. I accepted that and a miraculous thing happened. My focus turned from 'me' (read dethroned) to God. I quit trying to save myself and sought the face of God for His own Name's sake. And He did something absolutely wonderful..He saved me from myself. He does reveal Himself to those that come to him out of a pure heart. It's just like Jesus said..ask, seek and knock. He can give you the answers you seek. For me, nothing else would have worked. Perhaps you're the same way??PB
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  Kenneson

  Can you imagine the Watchtower Society joining the Vatican (if it were a pre-requisite) to use its Library?
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  mamochan13

  fairchild - what a great analogy!
• 

  Flash

  ...what is wrong with me?

  Nothing. The Witnesses today are like the ancient Israelites, the have the primary truths about God and His purpose correct, yet they have deviated from the path, and like the apostate Israelites were dealt with severely by God in the past, the Witnesses (especialy their leadership) will be dealt with when the Master arrives!
• 

  wanderlustguy

  And I have been reading the posts on this site regularly pretty much since it started, and hourglass before it.

  But I am still not a convinced apostate. I still think Jehovah's Witnesses might have the truth - is there something wrong with me?

  Something just struck me. If you really have been reading all of these posts, including my own, how do you come to the conclusion that JW's have the truth? Does that mean that every single post you have read can be deconstructed, finding a point where some of these people have brought their issues upon themselves?

  The point is not to earn a label of apostate. It is to learn whether you were told everything. If Jehovah's Witnesses have The Truth under patent, why don't all the pieces fit? How can there be tens of thousands of people who can ask questions the Faithful and Discreet Slave cannot answer? If they can answer it, how can they refuse to answer any question with the response "that's an apostate question"? How can any question in and of itself be apostate?

  Who was the Faithful and Discreet Slave before the late 1800's? Ask them that one.

  Of course there is much more to the story than even that, I'm starting to feel funny backing up my arguements with Biblical information for my own reasons, but hey, if that's going to be the rulebook, I'll go by it for the sake of arguement. How true can something be if you can stump it with it's own rulebook?