Stealing Paradise

Taylor S.

Just got my memorial invite.

The only thing new about this year, is my knowledge ... due mostly from finding this site. I normally take the invite from my mom, tuck it away to hit the trash along with those mags she leaves all time. Actually, I'd gotten into a ritual of disposing of jdub crap without a backward glance or a second thought.

Now it's different. Now I care.

I want my mom out, but I have a conundrum ... Pioneering for all these years is killing her, but the knowledge that I have would be even more devastating. She gave me the invite today and while she was talking about it, I blacked out. Mental images of old mans lies, deceits and manipulations in the interest, for the most part, of selling books ... flashed through my mind like a roller-dex out of control. I pictured her sweating on that corner in the summer glare and heat. I pictured climbing up and down those stairs, in all sorts of neighborhoods, confident that Jehovah will protect her.

I want her out so badly ... but convincing her of the truth about THE TRUTH might kill us both.

I just can't bring myself do it. Though she did get my email about the WW11 era tract and was extremely happy about it. She said her and my aunt learning explore cyberspace and I expected that to make me happy, its a good thing, they'll stumble across things to open their eyes etc, etc, .... yeah, I should've felt happy .....

.... but all I felt was crappy. How horrible is it of me to wanna steal paradise from my mom's eyes.

I feel so bad today.

But I'll get over it.

kls

You are not stealing her paradise but opening her eyes and mind to ,,what is the jws are wrong. You are not forcing her but giving her the chance see for her self and maybe just maybe she will see in time.

Don't knock yourself for wanting your mom to be free because if you didn't have these thoughts you would not care.

sweet tee

Being a Witness was tiresome to me. You may not know it, but perhaps your mom is tired too and just hanging in there hoping to see her dream of a paradise earth come true. I believe a lot of Witnesses secretly want to be 'normal' from time to time (like around the holidays). It's no fun living in fear. Don't give up on your mom. Remember how we were taught that our conduct could win a person over without even a word? Let you conduct, your happiness and sincerity about life, and most important, the sincere and unconditional love you have for your mother (and all people I hope) be a testimony to her. Hopefully, when she has questions/doubts about org. she'll come directly to you for the answers.

My heart breaks for you - I can't imagine life without having my mother to talk to about anything.

Being a Witness was tiresome to me. You may not know it, but perhaps your mom is tired too and just hanging in there hoping to see her dream of a paradise earth come true. I believe a lot of Witnesses secretly want to be 'normal' from time to time (like around the holidays). It's no fun living in fear. Don't give up on your mom. Remember how we were taught that our conduct could win a person over without even a word? Let you conduct, your happiness and sincerity about life, and most important, the sincere and unconditional love you have for your mother (and all people I hope) be a testimony to her. Hopefully, when she has questions/doubts about org. she'll come directly to you for the answers.

My heart breaks for you - I can't imagine life without having my mother to talk to about anything.

Jez

My mother WANTS to believe, therefore, she believes. It would not matter what I said to her, nothing will ever change her mind and make her 'leave' Jehovah. Her conception is that if she left the organization, she is leaving her God and betraying him. She won't do it. So, my relationship with her is over. She has shunned me for years, fanatically. My mother will forever reap what she has sown. Hatred, anger, intolerance and indifference.

BUT, my relationship with my mother was always rough. So if you have a good one with yours, why risk ruining it? You want her to accept you for who you are, why not do the same, accept her for who she is and stop trying to change her. You can't assume that she is not enjoying what she is doing. My mother LOVES living "the truth" and views everything in the world as lesser. You could shatter her entire existence, so if it is to happen-maybe let it just happen on it's own. Just my opinion.

Jez

jeanniebeanz

Taylor,

That's a tough one... So sorry you are going through this. I am concerned about your black out; has this happened before? It seems extreme that you would have this reaction, and I am concerned that you are not managing your stress levels effectively. How did your mom react to your blacking out? Did you whack your melon on the way down?

J

Taylor S.

Thanks guys ...

you've sorta echoed what I've been thinking. i do have a good relationship with my mom, and that's what makes it such a dilemma. i love her, that why i want her to know the truth.

its also the reason i want her to stay in the dark, because it would rock her world. i've only recently discovered the depth of bull that is the org,

but I've had twenty outside it to slowly, gradually, see the world without dubbish glasses on ... and to find my own place in the arrangement of things. my mom, at her age and level of brainwashing, might just descend into a spiral of hopelessness ... or madness and become a Stepford Dub on automatic pilot.

I experienced that hopelessness and downward spiral at 19 with drugs & sex, trying to kill myself having fun before the big A you know. Twenty years later ... I'm drugged out and it ain't rained near bit of brimestone.

I'm just saying ... its scary.

Damned if I do. Damned if I don't. But I'm leaning toward the old adage ... Ignorance is bliss.

Taylor S.

~ am concerned about your black out; has this happened before? It seems extreme that you would have this reaction, and I am concerned that you are not managing your stress levels effectively. How did your mom react to your blacking out? Did you whack your melon on the way down?
J

jbeanz ....

no. i didn't literally black out. its just an expression here for 'zoning out for a sec' into ones own head. it was like all the research I'd done resently whizzed through my mind at once:

the blood issue, the 607 thing, PhillipMorris, Rutherford's mansion, billion $ revenue, new light on 1914, yada yada.

All that flashed through my mind watching her on my doorstep, memorial invite in hand, her broken down Corolla in the background ... and I couldn't help but wonder how much cash the Borg have bled her for over the years.

Yeah, I blacked out. She did say, are you okay?

I lied and smiled.

Scully

Sometimes it seems like JWs are operating from a developmentally "stunted" position. Here we have about 6 million people - most of them of an age to qualify as "adults" - yet they are stuck in a child-like fantasy not unlike the 5-year-old's fantasy of Santa Claus.

Think about that for a bit.

Santa Claus fantasy: If I'm good - if I'm really really good and do what mom and dad want me to do - Santa will bring me that special toy I want for Christmas.
JW Paradise fantasy: If I'm good - if I'm really really good and do everything that Jehovah and the Organization want me to do - Jehovah will let me Live Forever In Paradise On Earth?.

Did our parents think it was "mean" or "cruel" or "hurtful" to allow us to learn that Santa Claus was an imaginary person that people told stories about? Or was it just part of growing up and learning to accept reality?

At least with the 5-year-old, Christmas comes every year, and they get their gift - it doesn't really matter that it comes from mom and dad. They at least get a reward for "being good" or doing their best. They see a fulfillment of a promise. For the JW, they always live in anticipation. There's no reward, there's no fulfillment of the other party's obligation, despite the JW's continual striving to please the insatiable Organization. No amount of preaching is ever enough. No amount of meeting attendance is ever enough. No amount of new recruits is enough. No amount of fellowship is enough. No amount of obedience and self-sacrifice is enough. Even if a JW does their best, it's no guarantee - one little bitty slip up can ruin it for them, just like one little bitty slip up destroyed Moses' dream of seeing the Promised Land. Jehovah is a bit of a jerk that way.

Give me Christmas and Santa any day of the week. I can count on Christmas: December 25, every year. Paradise? isn't worth stealing or earning, especially if it's never coming anyway.

Love, Scully

Black Sheep

I want her out so badly ... but convincing her of the truth about THE TRUTH might kill us both.

I wouldn't put it quite like that, but stealing my parent's PairOfDice would hit them pretty hard and I have backed off and have made it quite clear that they should not discuss their religion with me in future.

My old man is not getting the point very easily, which makes keeping my big trap shut quite difficult.

It's not like I've got an alternative cult I want them to join.

Chris

Taylor S.

Yeah Scully .... he is a bit of a jerk that way. Like that itty-bitty fruit eating incident ... can you believe he's still all twisted up about that?

Stealing Paradise

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