by Taylor S. 18 Replies latest jw experiences
I stopped buying lottery tickets years ago. I finally realized they were selling me a dream, and cashing in big dollars in the meantime on my hopes. Now, instead of giving that money away, I chose to make my dreams come true myself.
Instead of taking away her dream, why don't you help her replace it with a better one?
I'm with Jez, nothing I will ever say will change her mind. She can live in her fantasy land. I don't care anymore.
Taylor
You have been out a long time. Me, too. The feelings are similar for me with my parents.
This issue has been difficult, but ,, it finally dawned on me. And this is only true for me, I don't mean to suggest it should be your experience, merely sharing mine ...
My parents are smart. If they wanted to, they would make a different choice. After all these years, they have (to be sure!) recognized the lies, but do not want to 'start over'.
As they get older, they turn more and more to their Witless friends, because at this point, it's easier to live the lie than to admit they were wrong.
I mean, think of the tremendous responsibility of knowing you flucked up your children's lives. And they are JWs, so they can only see the guilt factor involved in accountability, and deny the bliss of release that embracing our humanity gives us.
They don't want to deal with the consequences of how they lived their life, and leave the KH. To them, it would be a friendless, penniless existence.
They know no other life - no other life. What a huge, insurmountable mountain leaving da troot must seem to my parents, when they even allow themselves to think about it!
On some days I'm very angry, but most times I feel more sad and resigned to their plight.
I want to add that I can easily have compassion for my parents because they have broken the rules, not shunned me, and been extremely supportive of me. They are deeply affected by this, and do not live completely in the JW vacuum.
t
Well, you could always wait until they are frail and destitute and put them in a warm and welcoming catholic nursing home.
Instead of taking away her dream, why don't you help her replace it with a better one?
I like that. Just wish I knew exactly what that would be.
I think people's dreams are as unique as they are. In her off moments between meetings and field service, what are her interests? What hobbies absorbed her as a child?
Can Jarhover climb down the chimney? What bag of goodies does the FDS have to deliver this memorial Christmas?
carmel
Frankly, I think that that leaving the WTS is like starting life anew. At a certain age, it's simply not worth it.
I also think that, unless someone is emotionally ready to see the 'truth about the truth', all the argumentation in the world won't make them see it. Personally, I was aware of a lot of the arguments against the WTS for at least a couple of years before I broke mentally free.
That's why Steve Hassan recommends emotional interactions that will serve to bring out the 'pre-cult self'--your mom's real personality, rather than the JW surface. IOW (if possible) try to build an emotionally healthy relationship with her. That would be the first step of helping her out--and it would also be a valuable achievement even if she never leaves.
You guys have brought up some powerful points. My mom's pre-witness personality? Sheeesh . I have no idea what that is ... or rather, was. All my life she's been one. Believe it or not, we are a lot closer than when I walked away twenty years ago.
I've weighed the pros and cons, with your help, and decided she's better off floating on her own fantasy bubble ... and as scary as it is for me to watch her up there, seeing her go splat would be much more disturbing.
