by PAJA 27 Replies latest jw friends
Hi welcome! I would have to agree with the person who said 'tell the truth'...
Tell her that you would like to pursue a relationship but that your feelings are not preempted by anything, and that you know it would be a phoeny relationship if hers were. If you can accept her as who she is and not want to change her, then ask her if he she thinks she should be able to accept you as you are.
Better to say the truth and let the cards land where they may.
Hi PAJA!
She's not going to want to read anything that comes from an "apostate" source, which this site would be considered. You do still have one exceptionally good beginning resource, however.
http://www.un.org/dpi/ngosection/watchtower.pdf
recommend starting here if she is asking about where you are getting info. This is from the UN's website. You can also find this document by going to www.un.org, finding their search function, and typing in 'watchtower'. It's the first document that comes up. If she is online, send her this link. If she asks how you came across this tidbit, the truth is the best: you were researching about Jehovah's Witnesses to understand her faith better, and found some disturbing things right away, and checked the sources. If she is dazed by that document, she might start to consider some of the other documentation you find.
You might also ask her about shunning, after you learn details from this side of the river. She will likely deny that JWs shun... or she will say it is needed to keep the congregation clean. You will have to let her know upfront that you absolutely do not agree with this practice of being told to treat designated people as dead. Pound a few stakes in the ground here. ... Good luck!
Oh... and btw, WELCOME to the board!!
bebu
Welcome! First things first. You need to study the HISTORY of the WBTS.first. With her help, ask her if she knows that history.Once she starts to study the history with you, she will learn that it is not God's Organization.Get the book,"Captives of a Concept" by Don Cameron for a place to start.
Blueblades
PAJA, Welcome to the board.
One of my sisters has been married to a non-JW for coming on 30 years and they are quite happy together and have a good relationship. I don't think that it is very common, but it can be done.
From what I can see the key with them was from day one he was very upfront and honest about what his feelings were, ie. I will never be a witness, and I do not want to hear the witness propaganda at home, nor do I want visits from anybody from the hall. I will do my thing as far a holidays go etc. On the other hand he never gives her grief about the meetings, service, assemblies, that is his alone time for his pursuits. The other thing was they never had children which I think simplified things, having kids just adds another level of stressors to the relationship. So, my advice, as said above, be truthful and upfront about your feelings from day one, don't weasel around just because you love this woman then stiffen up later.
Welcome my friend you will recieve alot of good advice here. But speaking from expierence, do not bother with proving doctronal issue yet-----being a kid raised in truth that is not the reason they are in or out they don't care about that stuff all they care about is displeasing their parents and elders and they know to get involved with a "worldly person" is wrong..............so go to the Memorial and see for yourself you will be looked at with a questioning motive and approached for a study.............if you accept or refuse she might be forced to avoid you it is up to you...........it stinks but this is the mind set.
Hello PAJA -- You'll find many good suggestions here. When dealing with JW relationships, it's difficult to say what does or doesn't work. I find it interesting she didn't disclose her JW family and faith until several months into your relationship. When I was in high school, I dated a Catholic girl, and did the same thing. I think most young JWs are somewhat ashamed of the religion, but they are trapped into pleasing their family and JW community. Some here have suggested attending a few meeting with her, but I think that might encourage false hopes that you might join?even if you tell them you are not. My advise is to share what you?ve learned about the sect with her, and see what happens. Time will tell what happens to your relationship; it could help open her eyes or drive her away. Better to find that out now than a few years into a marriage. My best to you, friend!
Welcome............run! There are plenty of normaly dysfuncional women out there...the JW thing is a whole 'nuther crtitter.
~Hill
Hi and Welcome. Don't expect to "change" her beliefs; and don't think that she really wants to change herself, unless you hear her say that exactly to you. You will learn that most JW's hide the questions they have about the Truth...they learn to do that because it is the behavior they have been taught by the WTS. And I have to say this, w. her Mexican culture, especially...it will be difficult for her to be separate from her family if they are all JWs too. It is this blend of belief and culture that will probably make her harder to reach.
Do be totally upfront with her about your reservations about this group; Do learn as much as you can.
BUT
Don't put your whole life into trying to reach her if it doesn't appear that she wants to leave their teachings. It will be a waste of your precious years, and can put stress on you like you wouldn't believe.
As a Granny on board -I feel the only advice I can give is FORGET her!! Really I have a 45 year old man in the group I have- He married a JW over 20 years ago. Still loves her, but they have no real life together. -She is off on Tuesdays, thursdays, Sat ( out in service) Sundays,& Assemblies. ..He has two children whom she has convinced is the "truth" She teaches them -that he is demonized because he does not accept the religion... She refuses to read anything he asks her to read. EVEN THE WT OWN BOOKS- ( what rubbish was printed long ago) but because the WT tell them it is against the ORGANIZATION to go back wards -she must not read them. He has had enough at this point & is talking of leaving her..... I pray she will open her eyes, but I doubt it.... She is so entrenched with the mind control. I truly think you are making a mistake.... All the best- You say you believe in GOD well! do not become unevenly yoked. When two horses are yoked together - one goes one way- the other tries to go the other -the stongest usually wins- She is stonger in her beliefs than you -I will be so presumptious to say.... ( That is why I am called Mouthy((((HUG))
P.S. I am not trying to say your a horse. But you will become an ass if you get more involved.
Paja
Its easy for me to say cos I've never been a JW but I wouldn't give up yet. I have a close friend soon to be baptized a JW but I'm writing questions to him which I hope will plant seeds of real doubt. If someone can tell me how to send you a word doc I'll do so in case any of my well researched coments/questions would help.
