Thanks again for everyone's support, Orangecat, Almost, sassy, tjk(??), everyone else that I can't remember your names ...= )
It is a pretty difficult ordeal. Moreso for my mom. I think someone asked if my dad did this out of anger. Hmm.. I don't know. I guess only he'd be able to answer that. I know they didn't have a picture perfect marriage. I was there. I saw all the 'covering up' that they did.. put on a happy face at the KH and then behind closed doors there was a lack of respect that even as a kid I knew wasn't right. My mom wore the pants in the family. . . but I think she ended up doing that (now that I'm an adult I see more of her vulnerabilities...as a kid I just saw this strong-willed decision maker) because my dad allowed it. He just wouldn't make really wise decisions and then she'd end up having to bail out the family or fixing his stuff. He didn't do it maliciously...just from being naive. Anyway, she and he had an alright relationship, I suppose... but by alright I remember that even as a little kid (at the height of my dad being the big PO elder of our congo) we would wake up to their yellings. She was trying to find out WHY he left in the middle of the night, and he was calming her down saying that he went out to get a newspaper.
So yeah, there were issues there all along.... but I was never privvy to them until I got older and started seeing some inconsistencies. I remember point blank asking my mom about him and him possibly being unfaithful -- she wouldn't even hear of it. Saying that he couldn't possibly. . . he'd "never do that." How could he? she had him painted as maybe not the brightest husband, but a very faithful in the truth elder, one who served in prison for 2 years for denouncing the war. He was the spiritual rock of the family... Frankly, noone that is still IN the borg who knows my family would EVER suspect Brother (blank) of doing any such thing. Can you imagine me?! it's my dad?!
Nevertheless,like I said, my mom was a very strong character...and maybe after her getting so 'strong' she turned that into something else and he decided he didn't want her or couldn't take her anymore. I know how tough she was...I dealt w/ it during my departure.... but now, to see her so vulnerable, it's really quite different.
To answer another question: no, I don't think it was w/ anyone at the hall. The names were of people -- and I'll just say it now, yes men and women -- who we knew. At least two of the guys names we knew. We thought they were business associates. But it doesn't matter..there were TONS of names on those lists. Dates, etc. One that stung me the most was one on my birthday. Why? we never celebrated them, obviously, but to think of just WHAT he was doing on that date...and then to make a note of it in his little pile of papers..and it not even be worth the mention of saying to his daughter EVER "Happy Birthday." (kinda dumb, huh?!)
It's like he's two different people. The dad that sang Kingdom songs to us kids in the car as we did old roadtrips...and now this person who would hurt my family (esp. my mom) so. Why couldn't he have just left her? why play her a fool? Noone deserves that....
Regarding my relationship w/ them.. it's kind of weird. They KNOW I'm not a JW anymore. But, maybe cause I never officially wrote the letter they argue it to themselves that they can still talk to me. Who knows. To them, via a letter, I DA myself. . . but maybe they're just in denial about that too. My mom LOVES talking to me. She I think got the dose of reality when she and I did not speak for over a year (during my troubles and leaving the org.)... I think she realized she couldn't have that...and so she'd rather have me (thank God!). So, she - I think - has no bad feelings about leaning on me, even though I'm out. Honestly...she has noone else. The "brothers" were just there for, like you said, the juicy stuff. Now that they kicked him out, they're done w/ him. They're "supportive" in that they know she's not guilty of anything if she wants to divorce him... but they don't know what's going on. They don't hear her crying or sad... they just see her at the hall and give her a handshake and off they go.
Fortunately my mom DOES have one other source of support.. another sister in the congr. who SHE TOO just had something similar w/ her husband. Again, i tell you, NEVER would have suspected this elder/brother of this either. (different circumstances)...but what gets to me about HIM is that HE was one of the elders who came after me w/ tears in his eyes when they were trying to get ME back.
(big sigh)...so yeah, that's my story.
I'm glad though that from the concensus it appears that the codes are nothing more than maybe just his numbers and not something to be worried about - for my mom or sister's well-being.
Sorry for the length..but it's been helpful.
Candlestick