sad topic: my nan is dying.

GetBusyLiving

Hi, not my usual fluff topic today. I just thought I would post this on here because I've found you guys to be really great to talk to over the past few months. I hope some of you have time to read it. I just found out from my mom that my grandmother is dying of cancer. She's had it for over a year now.. it was in remission for a while but now its back and is very serious. The doctor does not give her much longer to live at all, possibly a month. Its really really hard for me to deal with. She was always so good to me my whole life. She never became a witness but she studied for a while for my mom's sake. She liked that they talked about the Bible but found the doctrines of the Watchtower to be nuts. She always knew it was a cult but was never mean to my mom or dad, even though she was very opposed in regards to the blood policy. Always sent me presents a week after Christmas. My whole life, she has always been there for me and has never judged me, always accepted me for who I am and wished me well. I really love her a lot.. she's one of the best people I have ever known. What is making the situation even more difficult than you might expect is the way my mom is taking things. She is under so much stress right now.. my God it is a nightmare for her. My dad is still an active witness and is pressuring her to become active again by pointing out Watchtower articles every chance he gets, inviting the elders over for visits, ect.. She doesn't believe in the religion but has no idea what else to believe in. It's driving her crazy, and now this. I can only tell her so much and my dad will not allow any 'apostate' literature in their home. She said to me that her mom is not supposed to die, not her, and started crying. Her understanding of the world is so warped out because of the witnesses she doesn't really grasp that everyone, EVERYONE dies someday. My dad deals with the pain of that by clinging on to the lies of the Watchtower, but my mom has nowhere to turn. I find myself talking about Jesus and the Bible with her to help her find some sort of comfort in that because she still believes in Jehovah.. but its really hard for me because I'm agnostic and don't believe the Bible is inspired whatsoever and I feel like I'm lying just to give her some comfort. Somehow I feel that if I had just stuck to my original plan of staying in the org until my parent's die they could be happier. I feel like shit. There is no real point to me writing this to you guys other than it would be nice to hear from people that have had to or are going through the same type of stuff. I really love my nan. God I hope things get brighter because this past year has just been horrible. I know things can always be worse. GBL

jula71

GBL, I'm very sorry. I to lost a grandmother to cancer. It is a terrible illness. And likewise the references and clinging to false hope is no help or comfort to the logical. My grandmother was not a JW as well and I?ve heard my mom many times take the position that it?s great she died now because that is the only was she?ll get into the "New Order." Deep down I always felt that was a bit twisted. But my thoughts are with you and your family.

under74

GBL, I'm sorry. I know what you're talking about because I was in a somewhat similiar situation when my grandmother got ill and passed away. I wish there were some magic words to say to make you feel better but I know from experience that it'll take some time. With your mom, regardless of what you believe in just let her know you're there for her. That's all you can do.

Just know that there are other people here that have been through something close to what you are going through right now and you're not alone.

peacefulpete

Sorry about the sadness in your life. None of it is your fault. The best we can do is be true to ourselves and honest with others and when it is nearing an end say "Well, that was fun".

MelbaToast

GBL:

Im sorry to hear about your nan (hugs). Sorry I can't be much help to you, but I do send out warm vibes to ya.

I know that my gm just was diagnosed with colon cancer, and they removed about 6 inches of her transverse colon not a month ago. She is 79 and a tough bird at that. But low and behold a month and a half later after this surgery, she is up to walking 2/3 mile every day on her treadmill. Talk about hardcore :). People have a lot more inner strength than they give themselves (and their family) credit for. Maybe this is just the little push that your mom needs to start examining her own life. ( I think my mom is going through that crisis now) and she will be more understanding, loving etc.

Hope everything turns out ok MT

talesin

Hey GBL,

Gosh, this is hard. There's nobody loves us quite like our nan, huh? I guess there's no way you could take a trip home right now (?) ... it's so expensive. Stupid question, I know!

You're being there for mom --- so you are talking about things that no longer have meaning for you -- to comfort her. Whatever it takes to get through this time, is the right thing to do. I'll be thinking of you!

*squeezes*,

tal

Dragonlady76

GBL,

I'm so sorry to hear about your nan. I had a friend on mine die of cancer at 34 almost 2 years ago and it was awful.If you need to talk someone please PM me.

Dragonlady76

GetBusyLiving

Thanks for all the replies you guys.

GBL

jeanniebeanz

So sorry GBL. Losing someone you love is so difficult and sad, then throwing in the pressure of dealing with this religion makes it just that much more so.

((((((((((((GBL))))))))))))

Your mom is going through a lot, and your dad is hurting too. They may do and say things that will hurt you deeply or really load on the guilt, things that they normally would not do. Do not take this to heart, because after your nan passes, and some time passes as well, as long as you do not reply in kind, the situation should stabilize in your relationship with your mom. I know this is an incredibly difficult time, especially since your nan is kind of on your side by not being a witness, but looking forward to what will be after she is gone, and what kind of a relationship you will have with your parents then, it's really important not to let them drag you into any religious confrontation that may focus their anger and hurt on you when really they are just hurting.

If your dad is putting pressure on your nan to look to the organization, he's way off base, but is mearly acting on his preprogrammed responses. It's unfortunate, but all you can really do is just be there for your nan as much as possible, be a hearing ear and maybe talk about experiences you two have shared that were special to the both of you. It would not be a good idea at this time for you to stand up to your dad and tell him to leave the religion out of it. If your nan doesn't want to talk to him about the religion anymore, she'll tell him.

Your mom is really in pain right now, losing her mom is traumatic. I'd just be there for her.

Don't ignore your pain either. Do you have someone outside the family to talk to when things get to be too much? By that I mean in person or on the phone. You really need to take care of your feelings too.

Take care,

Jeannie

whyamihere

GBL:

I just lost my Grandfather. It was very hard for me because my mother a JW who hated her in-laws..also JW's. We never got to see them. My mother was mean to them. I know it went back and forth from both sides. Anyway he died a horrible painful death. It was not Cancer it was of pneumonia. He was old and sick for many many years. It hurt everyday knowing he was living in pain. I did not want to see him go because I never got the chance to see him one last time to say goodbye.

All my life I was never to show him love out of respect for my mother and I could not go to him to show him I did love him the First and Last time. It was very hard for me. However after a few weeks it was better because I knew he was not in pain anymore and he was somewhere else. My grandmother who has been a JW over 50 years said "Well where ever he is I bet he is racing cars like he used to".....I was shocked she said that. It makes sense though she did not want him to think he was just gone.

I hope things get better for you and your family. I will pray for you to make it though this.

With much Love Brooke

sad topic: my nan is dying.

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