help me!

by kerseygurl 16 Replies latest social relationships

  • MM090503
    MM090503

    Hello and Welcome to the board. The people on this board are extremely nice. You'll find so much advice and information here. I totally understand what you are going through. I am in the same situation myself.

    I've been with my bf for over a year and half now. He is not a witness, Yet. He has been studying with them and he beleives everything they say. It's a terrible situation and I wish it upon no one. He has pressure from his dad, because his dad is one,. My bf stopped attending meetings and things for me, but I know he is not happy with this. We have been going to a Christian church to try and see if something will work for him but it hasnt. He has begged me to go to meetings and even sit down with a jw for a bible study.

    I have recently agreed to sit down with the jw for a bible study. Only because I have done my research and I know what kind of bs they pull, so I'm not afraid to be brainwashed. I'm also doing it to make my bf happy. Unfortunelty, I fear this will be the end of our relationship though. Even though both of us are madly in love with eachother and want to get married, it's not going to happen. Your bf has to be willing to change and explore other options. My was, but he still ran back every chance he got and that is why we have come to the breaking point in our relationship.

    The best advice I can give you is to sit and talk to your bf about other religions and options. If he is not open to any, I would say break it off. As hard as it is and I know it is, you have to do it. I've put myself through misery and depression thinking I could change him and help, but I can't. It was just a matter of time until I realized this.

    Good Luck

    Meg

  • kerseygurl
    kerseygurl

    Thankyou everyone so much for your help. A lot of it has been conforting considering I can't really discuss much of this problem with any of my friends because it would be too confusing for them. My boyfriend, Chris, finally told me the other day that he wanted time away from me to "see if the feelings are still there", I don't see how time apart will prove this. Sure, he gets on my nerves a lot, but I would never consider taking time apart for a reason as stupid as that one. I'm supposed to have surgery next wednesday, and what hurts the most is he told me yesterday that he's not going to be there. Right at the most challenging time in my life....*poof* he's gone. I just need to accept the facts that are right in my face and move on but it's really, really hard. I'm just the stubborn type I suppose, I just hate to give up on people so I always put all that I have into everything that I do. Perhaps time apart wouldn't be so bad...maybe it would give him time to think about things. Nevertheless, thank you all for the help and hope to hear from you all again!

  • Seeking Knowledge
    Seeking Knowledge

    Good responses from everyone...but your last post said it all. If he's not willing to be with you when you are going thru surgery why continue? He's pulling away for sure. I'm sorry you're going thru this, I can totally relate to what you are going through.

    It is time to take a step back for your sake. You can take everything into account in your life & decide what YOU need to do. He's clearly made his decision. I'm sorry, but don't let him manipulate you anymore. He needs time?? Whatever...get up, brush yourself off, and chalk this up to experience.

    I hope you do well in your surgery, and again, I'm sorry you're going thru this.

    SK

  • BrendaCloutier
    BrendaCloutier

    Kersey,

    I am so very sorry for the situation you are in. You are a loving accepting person who has shown only loving respect for your boyfriend and his religion. He, and especially his parents, are unable to do the same for you. It's a sad, sad situation. I wish you all my best.

    And Welcome to JWD. You will find the truth about JW's here, and you are most certainly welcome.

    Love and hugs

    Brenda

  • love11
    love11

    The smart thing to do is finish school. It sounds like he has some growing up and soul searching to do. If he does decide to leave his religion you want to stay out of his way and let him make that decision on his own. If not, he'll only resent you for losing his religion, family, and friends. But if you grow apart during the time you are educating yourself than you will know that it was not meant to be and you'll be glad it didn't work out, down the road. love11

  • Dan-O
    Dan-O

    Well, the only thing that worked for me, kerseygurl, was to basically tell my dad that he could kiss my ass when I was 18. He didn't like the future Mrs. O because she was Catholic (in spite of the fact that he married a Methodist). Either your guy has the wherewithall to start charting a common course with you, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, you're better off without him. That's probably not an easy thing for you to consider at this point in your life, but you really have to ask youself whether you'e willing to put up with 10 or 20 or 40 years of strife because of a man who holds more tightly to his parents instead of his mate. In the end, a long term relationship is about the people who formed it. It's not about parents or siblings or even children ... because those children grow & go on to make their own lives. (And if you've built your marriage on them, what will you do when they're gone?) It's about the two of you.

  • Dustin
    Dustin

    Kerseygurl

    I understand your situation all too well. I had a relationship similar to yours, however I was the Jehovah's Witness who loved a girl who wasn't. The pressure the elders and family put on the relationship can be almost unbearable at times for the Witness, especially if they are active and believe in the religion.

    Take hope. I battled back for the girl I loved even after the hard times almost killed our relationship. Love is a stronger force than religion. 4 1/2 years is a long time to just throw into the garbage. I wish he would be there for you in your time of need. He really should be if you are the most important thing to him.

    Sometimes life can be cruel. Please don't take up that religion for yourself. It is evil, and destroyed many of my hopes and dreams. I would hate to see it do that to you. Hopefully he will see the light as I did, and leave that religion and focus on a wonderful relationship with the girl he loves.

    If it doesn't work out, I am truly sorry. I wish you guys the best of luck. If you ever want to talk to somone who has been there you can send me a message anytime. I promise to respond. Here's to hoping love prevails.

    Dustin

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