My JW "ex" girlfriend is going crazy (if anyone remembers me)...

by starcrossedpimp 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • starcrossedpimp
    starcrossedpimp

    Hello everyone,

    I wrote a while ago about the relationship I was in with a witness. It's still posted under this category I believe. Anyway, it was her decision to go along with her parents and stop talking to me. She did it pretty well at first, but it was so horrible for me. I would get so enraged b/c she would treat me like an acquaintance(i dont know if that's spelled properly) at work. It was like she just pretended the past year between us never happened. I couldn't believe this was humanly possible. She would keep it up, but then at times she would come to me at work or call me or write me letters saying that she has never cried so much in her life, she is going to go crazy if she doesn't hear my voice, etc...So it was relieving to hear that she was still a human being. You see, I would just create situations in my head and then draw conclusions from them as if this was reality. I do this a lot and it is not healthy. So when we actually did talk, it was nice to know that when she was alone she was missing me more than maybe even I was missing her. it's very difficult when you think you have this perfectly mutual relationship and all of a sudden you are betrayed (in this case b/c of a religion) by the one you have fallen so deeply in love with, and you can't imagine how it was ever mutual in the first place. I went back through our whole relationship in my head and looked at things with "new light" shed on them. Thinking to myself "maybe she never really loved me, maybe she saw how much I was in love with her and went along with it so as not to hurt my feelings. She quickly refutes these things when I tell them to her. I do believe her. I believe that right now, she is in the most confusing place she has ever been. But I am not allowed to be there for her, b/c i am an opposer. This gets more absurd by the day. I must say though, I was extremely close to attending meetings, but then I came to my senses. When you love someone, you will do anything, but in the words of MeatLoaf : ("i won't do that").

    I'll try to write more if anyone is interested. I'm never good at covering everything, because my hands wants to type everything my brain is thinking and I just keep hopping around on thoughts.

    So I don't know what is to come of our "relationship". She called me last night when her parents weren't home crying uncontrollably because she thinks she is losing me... I'm Like "What the hell did you think was going to happen when you cut off communication from me????" She wants both worlds, but can only have one. Honestly, I think she is scared that she won't find someone like me in her religion and she told me that I embody what she wants in someone. I am sort of an artist type- I cook, I paint, I play drums, draw, whatever. Not to sound conceited, but from my viewpoint witnesses aren't all that interesting. I may be wrong, but it seems like there could never be any time to be creative. On top of that, the things you do create would have to be approved by headquarters first right?? Ok, I am rambling. Feel free to comment- advice is always appreciated..

  • jaredg
    jaredg

    the truth shall set you (her) free. open her eyes and she will love you forever!

  • MerryMagdalene
    MerryMagdalene

    Sorry, no good advice here, but I did want to acknowledge you, at least, and say "hi."

    That's a rough, tough situation you got there and I am wishing you all the best in finding a healthy resolution.

    ~Merry

  • Seeking Knowledge
    Seeking Knowledge

    Hey SCP...good to hear from you again!! Sorry not much has changed.

    You're right, she's confused, but SHE needs to decide what SHE wants to do. You're already there. She isn't going to risk losing her family for you. Nothing personal against you, but that's the truth.

    My ex does the SAME THING...he treats me as if our relationship never happened (can't ignore the son but he does ignore the past) and it is so frustrating, my heart is just now healing. There have been a few times, very rare but they are there, when he comes to my house alone to pick up our son and I get a glimpse of the "old" ex. He's pleasant and it's almost a joy to be around him, he takes his time in leaving, has a look on his face that tells me he wants to say something and gets that sad face on. It never lasts. He goes right back to his life that he created where I dont exist. He treats me as if I am a stranger and not worthy of his time and that just bugs the crap out of me, but I'm in a better place now. I too went thru my relationship with him in a new light, especially after I found this site. It's amazing all the things I missed, or chose not to see. He chose the path he is on, and there is nothing at all I can do about that except try to co-exist with him as a parent. THAT is proving very difficult, but I'm working on it.

    So, on to you..your girlfriend needs to sh*t or get off the pot. She needs to quit calling you and stringing you along. It sounds to me that she has already made her decision, but is having issues with that. Her age is a big factor, it's hard to walk away from your family and all you've known. I think you need to move on and let her go. It's not easy, but if she wants to be with you, she'll do the right thing FOR HER. UG...sucks doesn't it?

    Take Care-SK

  • AuntieJane
    AuntieJane

    I agree w. you, she probably won't find a JW with a creative personality like yours. That means you are curious, optimistic and imaginative, among other things. Traits that are discouraged in the JW cult.

    You already have a child; I am going to tell it like it is. Focus on your job as a parent, whether you are close to the kid or not. Develop that relationship; give up on this one. Your exJW girl friend is infatuated with what she cannot have....until (unlikely) she decides to escape her parents' and the JW's control over her life.

    Stand on your feet and let her know you are a man, you are going to distance yourself unless she has decided to get out. She will only pull you down emotionally; Life is TOO short for the stress brought on by these people. Don't stifle yourself.

  • IronGland
    IronGland
    the truth shall set you (her) free. open her eyes and she will love you forever!

    Maybe. In my experience w/ a similar issue, having their eyes opened caused them to resent me for it. Stupid huh?

  • tijkmo
    tijkmo

    i know exactly what you are going through...my relationship was wrong but it didnt mean i didnt feel anything....i never felt hurt like it...and she did the same to me with the crying and the contact and the not wanting to lose me...and i know what you mean by being interesting and exciting..its not bigheaded..its just a fact....and the bottom line is none of this matters because when she makes up her mind to stay and tow the line then youve lost her.....sorry bud but thats the truth.....but she may not have made up her mind yet so if you get the opportunity to be together take it...my biggest regret is having that opportunity and deciding to do the right thing and getting no help and being punished mercilessly anyway...tijkmo

  • kls
    kls

    I do remember you and i really believe that in the end as time passes the one that will be truly hurt is you. It's like running in front of a moving train ,eventually you will get hurt in the end. It is not worth being with someone who is playing the jw part and wanting the the wordly part also because in the end the jw part usually wins . Move on and find someone that you don't have to play these games with because you will suffer .

  • Bryan
    Bryan
    I believe that right now, she is in the most confusing place she has ever been.

    You have no idea. This is the brainwashing at its best.

    Bryan

    Have You Seen My Mother

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    Yeah, I remember you. Until you leave this chick who has the problem of religion-induced flakiness, you're going to remain confused and frustrated.

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