Hello everyone,
I wrote a while ago about the relationship I was in with a witness. It's still posted under this category I believe. Anyway, it was her decision to go along with her parents and stop talking to me. She did it pretty well at first, but it was so horrible for me. I would get so enraged b/c she would treat me like an acquaintance(i dont know if that's spelled properly) at work. It was like she just pretended the past year between us never happened. I couldn't believe this was humanly possible. She would keep it up, but then at times she would come to me at work or call me or write me letters saying that she has never cried so much in her life, she is going to go crazy if she doesn't hear my voice, etc...So it was relieving to hear that she was still a human being. You see, I would just create situations in my head and then draw conclusions from them as if this was reality. I do this a lot and it is not healthy. So when we actually did talk, it was nice to know that when she was alone she was missing me more than maybe even I was missing her. it's very difficult when you think you have this perfectly mutual relationship and all of a sudden you are betrayed (in this case b/c of a religion) by the one you have fallen so deeply in love with, and you can't imagine how it was ever mutual in the first place. I went back through our whole relationship in my head and looked at things with "new light" shed on them. Thinking to myself "maybe she never really loved me, maybe she saw how much I was in love with her and went along with it so as not to hurt my feelings. She quickly refutes these things when I tell them to her. I do believe her. I believe that right now, she is in the most confusing place she has ever been. But I am not allowed to be there for her, b/c i am an opposer. This gets more absurd by the day. I must say though, I was extremely close to attending meetings, but then I came to my senses. When you love someone, you will do anything, but in the words of MeatLoaf : ("i won't do that").
I'll try to write more if anyone is interested. I'm never good at covering everything, because my hands wants to type everything my brain is thinking and I just keep hopping around on thoughts.
So I don't know what is to come of our "relationship". She called me last night when her parents weren't home crying uncontrollably because she thinks she is losing me... I'm Like "What the hell did you think was going to happen when you cut off communication from me????" She wants both worlds, but can only have one. Honestly, I think she is scared that she won't find someone like me in her religion and she told me that I embody what she wants in someone. I am sort of an artist type- I cook, I paint, I play drums, draw, whatever. Not to sound conceited, but from my viewpoint witnesses aren't all that interesting. I may be wrong, but it seems like there could never be any time to be creative. On top of that, the things you do create would have to be approved by headquarters first right?? Ok, I am rambling. Feel free to comment- advice is always appreciated..