when you were babtized and dedicated did you feel a void?

swiftbreeze

This has always troubled me:

I was studying to be babtized although i was raised around the "truth" i still had to have an official study. So i was taught that i had to go to Jehovah in prayer stating my desire to be dedicated and babtized. So i got down on my knees and starting praying but it didnt feel right...i felt a void like something was missing. I couldnt figure it out...I know that i was very sincere and really believed but i still felt a void like my prayer wasnt heard....i continued on anyway and thought maybe after my babtisim i would feel better. Same thing i didnt feel nothing. I thought that as time went on things would change but every time i tried praying, i felt a void. We always had "talks" about prayer and how many JW's had problems with it and all kinds of solutions were given but none worked. has anyone felt like that?

MelbaToast

Yes.

I thought I was doing great, I was an UP with 15 hours a month, and went to high school part time during senior yr while having a 40 an hour wk job. I was on top of the world. But I alwasy wanted to wait to get baptized, I just felt like I didn't want to be pushed into anything, and low and behold, all the guilt that my mom laid on me finally got to me.

My baptism day was the only day that my parents ever told me they were proud of me. You want that sense of belonging sooo bad, you'll even get dunked in a pool in front of 2 thousand people. And I did it, but I wasnt elated or overjoyed afterwards, nothing still connected. It was always in the back of my mind "something is wrong". But I so desperately wanted that love and acceptance, I sold my soul for it. Eight years later, my fathers dead, my mother wont speak to me (she goes through her bouts) and life goes on. I try not to focus on the bad portion of my life, but rather always move forward. I am blessed now with a wonderful husband and a wonderful child of my own. It is my responsibility to make my own destiny, and I went out and found the love and acceptance that I needed so that my mothers "bad influences" dont spoil my "useful habits"

lol MelbaToast

candidlynuts

yeah i know what your saying. i think most jw's are worn out from all the requirements pressed upon them to be able to pray effectively.

Dan-O

Well, I tried praying for help when I was 12 or 13. I thought Gee Hoover was gonna get me for some of the stuff I was doing at that age, and I wanted His help in stopping such behaviors. The help never came. I felt the void. So I kinda say 'screw this praying crap'. And I haven't wasted my time with it for ages.

sweet tee

Interesting question ...

I remember how good I felt when I first started to accept the troof - I loved to study and research, loved FS initially, mainly because I am very social and enjoyed chatting with the 'sisters' ... it was fun for me at first ... something to do I guess. But after my baptism I felt awkward. All the responsibilities were like a dark cloud ... I felt like I was always being watched or something (somebody has to feel me on this).

As for prayer, I can remember feeling close to God even as a young child. I don't know where I learned about him from, my mother barely talked to me growing up and we rarely went to church. Now that I've dumped my JW beliefs I still feel a closeness to God but I admit that I don't know his name and I don't believe that the Bible is inspired so I guess I'm sort of a spiritual agnostic . I still pray and even say in Jesus name ... go figure. Doesn't matter much to me, whoever my God is he knows me so it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks or does ... live and let live. I relieved myself of the burden of a formal belief system. I am enjoying just learning about life, politics, business et al ... there's a whole world out here we didn't know much about before.

Sweet Freedom

rebel8

I didn't feel a void as much as a pit in my stomach that came from knowing I was doing the wrong thing by obeying my jw mother.

Seriously, though, I always felt a void the entire time I was a dub.

mrsjones5

Yep, I felt that void growing up among the jws. And I tried, really tried to feel something. Even when I was studying to be baptised...nothing, the void was still there. I couldn't go through with the baptism and dedicate myself to something I didnt feel or wholely believe. And for a long time I thought that something was wrong with me, that I was just too bad to feel whatever I was supposed to feel.

Josie

jeanniebeanz

Yes, because saying those baptismal vows I realized just how much it was about obeying a group of men, and how little it was about my love for God.

Very confusing and sad. I felt sick immediately afterward and didn't really want to have anything to do with people for a while afterwards...

J

aprilbaby

I'm a newbie here and already I find comrades! This is exactly how I felt and still do to some extent. I tried so hard to "feel" something. I kept thinking that if I did everything I was supposed to I would just wake up one day and "feel" the devotion to Jah that everyone was talking about. But it never happened. I thought there was something wrong with me. I remember when I was only 6 years old being in FS with my parents thinking, " I can't wait till I am a grown up so I don't have to do this anymore".

vitty

I felt the same, after the initial elation of having a study, I just didnt "have "it. So I thought maybe once im baptized ill feel something, but I never did. I believed it was the truth, and so I always thought it was me.

when you were babtized and dedicated did you feel a void?

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