How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you? (page 3)

Nancy Drake

also, I would call the hotel and find out how many beds are in that particular room where your husband is staying.

btw...if he knew that the other two were most likely going to hook up, then please tell me WHY he didn't have an alternative sleeping arrangement plan, or why he didn't just get another room...

Okay, Nancy Drake, I did what you said, and called the hotel, asked what kind of bed in his (my husband's) room. Thankfully it's 2 single beds. The only odd thing is that I asked for my husband's room, they can put me through. I asked for the other man's name, and they send me through to a room. Wouldn't they only have one of the guys' names on a room if the original plan was to have both guys stay in one room? I don't know how these hotel things work. Hope this makes sense, I am physically shaking.

wanderlustguy

Wouldn't they only have one of the guys' names on a room if the original plan was to have both guys stay in one room? I don't know how these hotel things work.

Possible done on check in, but that means again it was preplanned to be that way at that point.

bikerchic

Boy I see red flags all over the place here sorry to burst your bubble Tgg, but an honorable married man would not have put himself in that situation of going without his wife especially if he suspected the other couple had something going on.

I mean he at some level thinks it's ok and like sixofnine said it was a test. The test was to see how much you would tolerate this kind of behavior.

I said yeah, it will be, but I didn't want him to miss out on the trip just because of me, so I encouraged him to just go (as did the girl who slept in his room, and she was encouraging him after she knew I wasn't coming.)

Before he gets home I would talk to this other girl and let her think you got the whole story from him and get her story. She would be more forthcoming if something did go on thinking she was now his main squeeze.

wonderlustguy said:

Even if he is not cheating, this is totally inappropriate behavior for anyone who claims to be committed to somoene else...would be different if he called you BEFORE this happened. The other guy is gonna back up the story, that's the way it works.

I agree it's totally inappropriate, he should not have gone without you period regardless of how innocent it may have been it looked to everyone (the Hotel clerks and others) like they were a couple.

I would be very pissed and you have every right to feel betrayed because you IMHO were. No kids, no ties kick his sorry ass to the curb.......another red flag:

He's kind of flirtatous with people at his work, but I think it's just friendliness(?)

Honorable committed men don't flirt with anyone!

Sorry you are going through this, but do you honestly see this man being the father of your 80 children?

Kate

NOdenial

thegoodgirl...

I feel so bad for you for going through this difficult time. I think there is very little that any of us can do to help you find out FOR SURE if your husband is cheating on you. (aside from you buying a ticket and spying on them, or hiring a private detective in that area to find out on your behalf). But is that really necessary?!

You feel suspicious and betrayed (and I feel appropriately so!). Perhaps a few objective words from someone that is a complete 'outsider'. (and a person that has gone through a huge betrayal by my first wife... and a painful and expensive divorce)

"IF" your husband has found it appropriate or necessary to cheat on you... this says more about HIM than it does you! I know this will be one of the hardest things to accept - but it is true. It will have been his character that is lacking, not yours. Smile... you are the person that has character that holds strong even when tempted by another. "IF" your husband has found it impossible to hold true to your marriage... then it just shows that you had different values on this relationship. It hurts to acknowledge... but it is an objective truth.

Someone told me once: "Life is not a dress rehearsal". With this in mind, "IF" your husband has found that an affair or 'one-night-stand' is more important to him than a solid marriage with a life partner, then, it may be appropriate to smile and accept that. YOU will have learned about his priorities in life, and you both will have deserved better: You deserve a person with a firm resolve to hold to something bigger than an evening with emotionless sensation... and he deserves the life and disappointment that comes with a teenager's partying lifestyle (or the life that comes with this other woman. He only has one chance at his life - remember? He is abligated to find what makes him happy. You can't fight that.)

It is a powerful statement to a man - when you, the person that he betrayed, approaches his infidelity with a mature, centered, unemotional response... that reflects how immature his choices have been. Can he win you back? That is only for YOU to decide. (although I have strong reservations on believing that the trust could ever be truly rebuilt. And 'trust' is critical to any peaceful relationship.)

So...thegoodgirl... now it's up to you. What do YOU want from your relationship? Remove the image of your husband from your mind and write it down. Be objective and true to yourself. Once it is written down, ask yourself if you believe that your husband fills that role. (Your husband may have done this exercise already without you even knowing it - and that might be the reason why this situation with this other woman has happened)

If he doesn't fit that role.... then I ask you to consider: "Life is not a dress rehearsal".

I wish you the ability to find the inner peace to sort through this nightmare. I know it won't be easy. Additionally, in response to your comment that you are shaking... I strongly encourage you to see your doctor and see if he will prescribe something like Xanax or something that will diminish your anxiety level. I have been there.

Take care...

NOdenial

Boy I see red flags all over the place here sorry to burst your bubble Tgg, but an honorable married man would not have put himself in that situation of going without his wife especially if he suspected the other couple had something going on.

Bikerchic, I accuse you of speaking bullshit.

Are you saying I am not an honorable married man?

FMZ

SixofNine

pistols at dawn!

How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

AuntieJane

Nancy Drake

Thegoodgirl

wanderlustguy

bikerchic

NOdenial

stillajwexelder

stopthepain

FMZ

SixofNine

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