My JW G.F.-- Told parents about wanting to marry me. UPDATE

PAJA

Well as from my earlier posts, my JW GF told her parents she wanted to marry me last Saturday.

They gave her the guilt treatment about not being a good JW and how marrage to a non JW is a sin etc. etc. etc. And when I saw her Monday she said she could not marry me anymore.

"You cant marry him because hes not JW and it says so in the bible"
"Your not faithfull in the eyes of God"
"Your not a true JW"

She did not openly admit this but when I said that I knew they were, she just looked at the floor almost crying.

Then she quickly spurted out;
"Its my choice, not theres, they said I can do what ever I want."

To which I responded that although they may have said that, I knew they were giving her tons of pressure and making her feel guilty.
She again looked the floor and slowly nodded "yes"

I asked her how I knew they were doing that? She replied:
"Because people that dont like us told you that"

We had a long talk but she kept insisting it was her choice and she was only doing what the bible says, not what here parents told her to do.

Well Ive been out of work for 3 days so I have not seen her and there has only been sparatic text messages from her durring the time she is at work but not after she gets home(gee I wonder why)

So she sent one particular text message yesterday that said she still is in love with me...
"even if she doesnt show or say it anymore"
I asked her what she ment but did not recive an answer.

So this morning we exchanged a few more messages, her telling me that she will talk to me tomorrow when I come back to work and that she is really stressed and upset.

In one of the messages I again asked why she is holding back her feelings for me, that I know they cant be gone.
She simply replied "I havent said there gone"

I again asked her why, that its wrong to hold back the feelings that God gave us but she has not responded back (shes home now)

So my guess is that they are pounding her like crazy with guilt and "talks" etc. etc. etc.

I guess Im venting more than anything!
But does anyone have some suggestions on things I could text her about her holding back her love now?
And about how she doesnt have to do EVERYTHING her parents say to win Gods love.
(they hit her up allot with the obey your "honor your father & mother" verse)

Ive been searching the Bible but nothing is jumping out.

PAJA

Her father is an elder and loves to quote the bible.......

I just found one I'm going to send her:

Colossians 3:21
YOU fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.

Satanus

Hey man, my sympathies. But, i don't think that it's going to get any easier. It's not just her parents. jws are taught that the almighty, all seeing god of the universe is watching them. That thye are hurting his heart if they do what she has been doing w you. As long as she's a jw, that god won't go away, nor will her parents, or the elders who are instrumental in keeping her believing that. I really doubt that you could get her out, considering what she has to lose, and the level of strength she appears to have.

S

Spook

Sorry friend, can't be done. There is nothing in their conversation of the bible that can allow for marriage between JW and non members. They don't consider anyone else to be part of "true" christianity, and therefore marrying 'only in the lord' is applied.

Oroborus21

I am sorry for you situation but honestly if she isn't mature enough to stand up to her parents she isn't mature enough to make the life commitment of marriage.

Give her a little space and let her know you are still there for her. When she matures a bit more maybe it will be right.

-Eduardo

PAJA

Actually I think the whole deal of her not showing here feelings to me anymore is her parents idea, I think thats what she wants to tell me tomorrow. That she is going to hold her feelings in and see if I still become a JW (shes been trying to get me to join, though will not help in anyway, only tells me I should schedual a "talk" at my house to learn more)

Parents-"Dont show him any love and see if he still wants to be a JW, if he doesnt, then that means he only wanted to do it to be with you."

I think thats BS!
If they were true Christians they would welcome me into their lives no matter who I am!

Anyone have any thoughts on a Christian testing another like this?

bebu

Try 1 Cor 13. Love is all about giving, not demanding. If you love her, you will be able to love her without conditions even if she can't say yes to marriage (right now, anyway). Quote it to her in an email. Use a version that is more poetic than their NWT (well, I guess that means use any version BUT the NWT). Tell her that such kind of love YOU believe in, and that only the kind of love that has roots in God can really last.

Does she think that all non-JWs will be destroyed or does she think that God looks at the deeper things? If she says "the deeper things in the heart", then ask her why she herself is being forced to go only by a label ("JW"), if God is gracious? Decisions based on appearances and labels (spiritual, privileged, elder, JW) and not spiritual realities (of faith, hope, and love) can be cause for great regret! She knows the realities (well, I'm assuming this). For sake of love of you, can she shed the false guilt that has been put on her?

I would also ask her at some point (but not at this point) that if she felt that the WTS's claims can be vindicated for any average fair-minded person, you would appreciate her efforts to overcome your objections--that is, to show you where you have been misguided--so that, if the WTS is truthful afterall, you would not only be able to marry but also to live forever. Surely, love would motivate her to help remove the objections you have.

Hang in there. Show real care and help her find a way to work it out. Real love can do this.

bebu

kls

I don't think i ever posted to this because as someone married to a JW ,i can pretty much tell that you're life will be hell if you did marry . Even if she would say she no longer wants to be a JW and did marry you, many in time go back to the JW vomit they left when their life gets complicated and you would be left as the unbelieving mate who has no love for her God. I know you care for her but is this really the life you would want to led? If i knew what i know now ,i would run as fast and far as i could.

Please be so careful and think of the future.

Frog

heya paja, I more or less commented in my previous post similar to what 'kls' has said just now. Unfortunately it is true, in the long term you need to evaluate if this is a life you can live with. It will be a rollacoaster ride for both of you. She needs to go through the motions alone before she can wholeheartedly commit to a relationship with you. Believe me, as much as you love her now, you can believe us as a lot of us know, we've been there. I don't want to diminish the love you have for your gf, but I think you might find there are simply thousands of young naiive JW girls that you would be attracted to in a similar way, there is a definite appeal, you might even feel a need to save her in some way from the terrible pain and torment that is her life. But in the end she has to make that decision for herself, and until that happens she will not be able to commit to you in the way you want her to.

I'm sorry these are harsh realities, but they are the truth. Take care of yourself won't you xox froglett

blondie

PAJA, JWs/WTS love to tell their members that the Bible says they can't marry outside their religion using:

Deuteronomy 7:3,4 is often quoted but this only means not marrying 7 tribes of Canaanites but at Deuteronomy 21:10-14 it says:

10

"In case you go out to the battle against your enemies and Jehovah your God has given them into your hand and you have carried them away captive; 11 and you have seen among the captives a woman beautiful in form, and you have got attached to her and taken her for your wife, 12 you must then bring her into the midst of your house. She must now shave her head and attend to her nails, 13 and remove the mantle of her captivity from off her and dwell in your house and weep for her father and her mother a whole lunar month; and after that you should have relations with her, and you must take possession of her as your bride, and she must become your wife. 14 And it must occur that if you have found no delight in her, you must then send her away, agreeably to her own soul; but you must by no means sell her for money. You must not deal tyrannically with her after you have humiliated her. DEUTERONOMY 21:10-14

Ruth's husband and his brother married non-Israelites without any sanction by God.

A faithful Jew Mordecai encouraged his relative Esther to marry a Persian king without any sanction by God.

Blondie (who chose husband over religious group)

My JW G.F.-- Told parents about wanting to marry me. UPDATE

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