Firt of all, a bit of background. I'm 26 years old, am a Math major/English minor senior on a full scholarhip in college, was raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, babtized when I was 18, left at ~ 22/23, am now agnostic/deist/confused.
I was raised on a farm in a witness family. My childhood was mostly happy--the congregation and my family were some of my best friends and mentors. However, I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 5 years old which is an immuno-deficiency disease which steemed from a bout with scarlet fever.
At 14, my father and sister were in an extremely serious car-accident, with forever-changed personalities and dismal prospects. My father was unconscious for several months, and he still requires 24/7 care. His severe head injury rendered him almost impossible to live with. He is only now able to remain calm for more than 5 minutes at a time.
I tried to take care of the family farm, and I actually made it for a couple of years; however I dropped out of school from stress and time constraints and the farm went bankrupt anyway when cattle prices dropped. I nearly died at age 18 from graves disease--a thyroid disorder which cased me to lose massive ammounts of weight while eating copious amounts of food and having a pulse that never retarded below 200, and absobnia which caused me to stay awake 23 hours out of every day. Needless to say, I was under a lot of stress. I had to quit my job as an HVAC techinician because of health. I'll not go into any details here, there are many, but I'm just trying to convey some of the stress I was under. The congregation was an invaluable asset during this time. They didn't just help my family, they felt our pain. They were friends when we needed friends most. I still admire every one of them for what they did and I always will.
Now I come to my complicated feelings regarding witnesses. I admire them for standing up for their beliefs--I wish more people would. However, they do have a way of making thier members feel inadequate. Of course, I think most people feel inadequate, but the high expectations of Jehovah's Witnesses only exacerbates this feeling when many members inevitably fail to live up to their goals. But, is it better to have goals too high, or to have none so we'll never fail? I believe the former is better, but herein lies the conflict. When goals run contrary to what a person believes, then beliefe must change. Mine have.
I've decided that truth is an intangible constant that can never be constant in human minds. All we have is our perception, which changes from person to person when viewed through our individual filters on our world. I've given up on finding truth. Perhaps I'm lazy, but sobeit. I can no longer ponder incessantly on matters on which I'll never have definitive proof. Such effort is like trying to push over a brick wall, or, more likely, like having a complex logic puzzle with no answer. With no answer, there can be no satisfaction, with no answer, there can be little aside from frustration.
So, I'm no longer a Christian. Having to give up the friendship of the congregations has been tough, but I don't blaime them for my decision. I've never felt brainwashed. I freely chose to serve a God; now I freely choose not to. I don't blaime Jehovah's Witness for not helping me more--I know, as my friends, they helped me as much as was possible. I didn't sit on my rear and complain that no one was coming to help me. Knowing their dismay of my current beliefs is not only a source of pain for me, but for them as well. But that is life. I knew full well when I dedicated my life to Jehovah that I was putting that dedication ahead of every other thing, and I expect no less from the other Witnesses who still beleive. I know that their compromising their faith by speaking with me would be a cause of great turmoil for them. Why should I hate them for that?
Well, guys, I've spent some time reading the posts here, and I'm highly bothered by the negativity I'm feeling. A common theme seems to be that the Witnesses exert too much control over members. Interestingly, do you think you're not being controlled by your incessant hatred on this site? Why not let things go?
Here's what I think. I think everyone here (including myself) feels inadequate. I think many here resent Witnesses because they were made to feel inadequate. But, I don't think blaiming the Witnesses for feelings of inadequacy is fair. No friends, that feeling of inadequacy will be present no matter your course in life. I think people become Witnesses from a deep-seated dissonance of the world and all that's wrong with the world. We are much too easily pessimistic. Why do you think the Utopia of paradise was so appealing?
That's the core problem methinks. We must learn to be happy with our surroundings. We must learn to look for the good in people rather than the bad. I implore you, don't hate. If you feel bitter towards Witnesses, try to think of the better understanding you now have of human nature that you wouldn't have gained without them. Open yourself to other possibilities. Don't diss your former friends for not being perfect. Remember, they're exerting just as much effort to be happy as you are. While it may feel they hate you--they don't. They're petrified of your new beliefs. They still want to help you, but they don't know how.
When my mother died of cancer in '93 (I've never been dissfellowshipped), many Witnesses came and tried to console me. That was a damned hard time for me. I had to watch my mother die slowly over a year, screaming in agony for death near the end. I can't describe the torture I felt when my former brothers and sisters would come up to me and say things like "It's only temporary, we'll see her again." Could I dismay them by telling them I didn't believe? No. Did it hurt like Hell to hear these words? Yes. Did I appreciate their intentions? Yes. I think the most depressing thing in my life now is knowing that Mom died thinking she would be resurrected. But I would suffer many times worse to give her the peace of mind that her belief did.
Well, I've got a lot more I could say, but I'm wore out. Please pardon any typos, as I just typed this and didn't proofread anything. I guess the salient point I'm trying to convey is please, ladies and gentlemen, find and regain the love in your hearts you once had. Don't despise and hate people who stand for their beliefs, even when those beliefs are different from your own. Rather, despise apathy and indifference. In the end, I think it's love in our hearts that matters the most; afterall, we're all in the same boat.