Bullies

Nancy Drake

Hi ya'll.

I'm looking for advice on how to handle a neighborhood child that is bullying my son and other children in my apartment complex. He is very mean, takes my son's stuff, tries to trip him on his bike by putting a stick into his spokes, pulling his underwear up, cussing at him.

At first I tried to talk to him nicely, asked him to please not do mean things to other children. After a few more times of him being a punk, I yelled at him...he basically just mocked me. My son is six, and I think this boy is about the same age, maybe even younger.

I thought about talking to his parents, but I don't think they speak english.

Has anyone ever had to deal with a bully child? This kid is just MEAN.

Crumpet

Nancy - do not be intimidated. Try talking to his parents - they must speak some English surely? I thought you had to to gain entry visa to the States.

Personally I'd get him alone and scare him to death for the rest of his life, but I'm just mean and think that bullies only stop if they are bullied back.

Where do the kids play? or is this happening at school?

Pleasuredome

send your kid to karate school. it will give him a bit of confidence to stand up to the bully, and when the bully sees that he can do some moves, he'll think twice about bullying your son again.

cheeseman

I was bullied around the same age by an older girl who lived up my street. My mother had a good talk with her mother (don't know what she said though). Anyways, it worked. I knew the girl wanted to beat me up afterwards, but it was clear she was spooked by her parents 'cause she never did it to me again.

jgnat

I didn't get smart about bullies until my children were nearly grown. Remember that all bullies are cowards. It is not that hard to break their facade. Here are a few tips.

1. The next time you run in to him, go forward with a big smile, hand extended for a handshake. "Hi, my name is XXX and I live in XXX XXX. What is YOUR name?" "Where did you say you lived again?"

2. You now hopefully have his name and address. He also knows you know his name and address. He can't hide any more. He may decide to pick on other kids besides yours. You are too much trouble.

3. Have a talk with his parents. That should be a real eye-opener. You might find out he gets a beating himself every time he gets in trouble. Or, alternatively, the parents may blame YOU for all their child's failings. Or, ashamed, they may attempt to buy you off. There you go. You get a front-row-seat in the drama, "How to create a street punk headed for Juvenile Hall."

4. Brainstorm ideas with your children on how they might deal with a bully. Discuss what the potential consequences of each action might be. You are priming your children to be immune to bullies by planning ahead.

My son came up with an interesting strategy. He would drool at the lip, roll his eyes, and drag one leg. If they asked him any questions, he would answer in nonsense. It freaked the bullies out, and they never bothered him again.

Hey, it worked for David.

minimus

Have your son beat the crap out of the bully WITHOUT WARNING. Bullies are used to controlling things. Take that away from them and they will leave you alone.

ozziepost

beat the crap out of the bully

Trouble is, bullies are the big guys!

Beachbender

My sympathies totally Nancy Drake for you and your child right now. There is nothing more emotional for a mother than watching her child being at the end of a bullies anger. My 14 year old is going through this as well this year. He is not a small kid, 5`7, 140- 145 lbs., he`s getting harassed by two boys who were his FRIENDS!! Now they have decided to pick on him together! Over their Spring Break a week ago we had an instant message pop up and my husband standing right there didn`t recognize who it was so he clicked on it. This was one of these boys, the one boy my son had given our IM name to because he had talked to him a few times this way, anyway this kid was thinking he was talking to my son, he was calling him a *fag*, a *fat ass*, and a few other choice names! My husband said to him "this is not who you think you are talking to, and that this was an adult", do you think this stopped him??! NO! he then proceeds to call my husband names!! The thing is they had no clue that we have a just a small handful of people we give our IM name to so we quickly deduced where this could possibly have come from. The one boy lives downstairs from us, so my husband jumps up from the computer and knocks on their door, sure enough the one kid was on the computer, and from where my husband stood he could see the same colors on his screen that were appearing on ours! The mother played innocent, "Oh no not my kid"!! when all evidence was right there, her son even leaned back and quickly clicked off the computer screen and messages!! ANGRY! Yes! my husband was! He told this kid to stay away from ours not even to breathe in his general direction or come near him or look at him ever again!!

Now the other kids parents were called, first he answered his mom`s cell phone, and cussed my husband again and hung up! We tried again and the mom answered and said they would handle it.

The husband calls my hubby later and is all mad saying my husband is harassing his wife and kid and threatening them??!!! He tells him the story, he leaves it at that "they will take care of it". Last week the principal was notified because their first day back this other kids older brother was caught circling my son at lunch and saying he was going to jump him!! Oh, the drama and stress are unbearable at times. So we are waiting to see what unfolds this week. Sorry about the longness of this, but like you I felt the need to vent this!! Thanks! Good luck on your end with this.

minimus

Ozzie----if you're a little guy, use a bat.

Mary

Crumpet said: Personally I'd get him alone and scare him to death for the rest of his life, but I'm just mean and think that bullies only stop if they are bullied back.

Crumpet you're a girl after my own heart. If someone was bullying my kid, I'd wear a mask over my face, getting the little bugger alone and scare the be-jeezus out of them........If he gets mouthy, slap the shit out of him, but make sure you're wearing gloves. Tell him that you're gonna be watching him and if he bullies ANYONE, you're coming looking for him with a bat.

The husband calls my hubby later and is all mad saying my husband is harassing his wife and kid and threatening them??!!!

Ya, parents these days are pretty stupid when it comes to their kids. It seems that parents are willing to blame everyone and anyone for their kids' behaviour---except the kid themself. That's because we live in a generation where no one wants to take responsibility for their own behavior....it's much easier to blame someone else. If I had ever dared bully someone else when I was a kid, my dad would have given me a whoopin'!!

I was watching Desperate Housewives last night and the one mother was pissed off when she found out her friend had spanked her son while babysitting.....the kid was a little bastard and I would have done the same thing, but like I said, no one wants to admit their kid is a little brat.

Bullies

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