"I can't stop thinking about Jehovah's Witnesses!"

by logansrun 61 Replies latest jw friends

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  logansrun

  I'm not sure why some of the replies I have gotten missed the following qualifiers and "non-dogmatic statements" in my post (highlighted in RED so as you will not miss them):

  I've heard this said by a few ex-Witnesses in my three years away from the organization, and have sometimes said it myself. Sometimes it is said in the context of, "I'd like to move on, but I just can't stop thinking about them." Well.

  Could it not be that one of the reasons ex-JWs "can't stop thinking about" the organization -- and their past involvement with it -- is that they daily log onto this site, read about the Society and talk about them? I'm not saying that this is wrong, but just a reason why some are "unable" to move on. In other words, it's not so much that they can't move on, but that they won't move on.

  I am a huge Chicago Cubs fan, but I don't think about the teams blown chance to get to the World Series (four outs away!) a couple years ago...and the gaffe by the fan which may have cost them their ticket to the big show. I don't think about it, but if I logged into a website every day which analyzed that game I certainly would think about it. Out of sight, out of mind. In sight, in mind.

  I'm not saying that there is not a fair amount of processing that needs to be done by a former JW. There is much that has to be talked about. But, to think that one must constantly go back and re-hash the "awful past" and the "terrible Watchtower" seems rather silly, if you ask me.

  So my point is: Don't think you HAVE to go through a lengthy voyage of "deprogramming" to be "normal" again. And don't think that the reason your mind gravitates toward the JWs is because it just does this naturally. It very well may, but feeding that thought by participating in ex-Witness discussions only makes it easier for your mind to dwell on past and present pains related to the JWs.

  Take some time away from this board. It will change your perceptions of the organization and your relation to it.

  And, since when is writing in an affirmative style necessarily "condescending"?

  B.
• 

  GentlyFeral

  In my case, Brad, you're way off-base. I left before there was any substantial XJW presence on the Internet, but I did find sites like this helpful when I discovered them.

  I'm still a daily visitor, ten years later. And, yes, I have a life, other interests, real spirituality, working ethics that aren't Watchtower-dependent. Do I trigger defensive reactions in active Witnesses because of the complaints posted here? I dunno - it's been almost a year since I've even seen a Jehovah's witness IRL. I think.

  I still come here daily is because I love to watch people's evolution toward freedom. I relish the discussion of so many things that used to be either "off limits" or "a waste of time" for us.

  The more time I spend here, the less time I spend on threads that relate directly to the Watchtower. Besides, the e-list I'm actually addicted to produces less than a dozen posts a day

  gently feral
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  logansrun

  Just as a further qualification, I do not intend to say that my observation applies to everyone on this site. Far from it. I'm just saying it is something to think about for some.

  Good night all.

  B.
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  rebel8

  My $.02:

  I noticed a similar phenomenon when I was a mental health professional and brought many of my patients to AA. (Please no AA members get your feathers in a ruffle; I'm about to say something nice. Just stick with me and you'll see.)

  I observed many people going to AA regularly for years and years. I wondered why a person who hasn't had a drop of alcohol for 20+ years would need to go to an AA meeting 2x per week. It appeared to be some sort of desire to cling to a self help group they no longer needed. I listened to what they had to say and thought about it a lot.

  I came to the conclusion that it was none of my business or concern. The reason is that they are doing something for themselves that they feel is helpful in staying away from a harmful thing they once succumbed to. This continued affiliation with the self help group is not harmful to them in any way. If they needed and/or wanted to continue to talk to people who went through a similar thing, who cares? Live and let live.

  This forum is a self help group to assist members in healing from their past experience and in staying away from the thing that harmed them in the first place. Like AA, it also becomes an opportunity to socialize with people with whom you have something major in common with. While you are right that rehashing past harms may not be helpful, it is not necessary to do so to participate in this forum.

  PS-Even during my early healing days, I never felt like I "couldn't stop thinking about JWs". I thought about them as little as possible--less than once a day. It's the screwed up perceptions of everything I was left with by the cult that I had to focus on and change so I could be normal again. Thinking about JWs was not a component of that process. (I think we agree on that point. :))
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  LittleToe

  Ya know this is an excellent topic that needn't be limited to polarised views (I can't believe it's only sitting at two pages).
  Maybe we should send it into overdrive by mentioning "breasts" or something?

  I can't believe you've missed the opportunity to turn this into a discussion about sex, Bradley!!!

  Talking of which, do we ever "get over it"? I mean, like, there are only so many positions (even if we've read the Kama Sutra) and we keep coming back for more, and more, and more...

  "I can't stop thinking about JJJJJJJJJJ...sex".
  See? How hard was that now?
  We all know that "Mother organisation" is just a Freudian representation of repressed sexual urges, waiting to burst out...

  Further, is there anything in the Jungian collective consciousness that would shed light on this? Do repetitive carnal dreams indicate a need to "get over it", or just a desire to "get the leg over"?

  Just my 2p in the interests of an ever-expanding and engorging topic.
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  slimboyfat

  We all know that "Mother organisation" is just a Freudian representation of repressed sexual urges, waiting to burst out...

  Speak for yourself "little" toe
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  logansrun

  I believe there is a difference between saying "get over it" and "move on."

  "Get over it" implies that one can totally forget their past hurt (in this instance, hurt experienced as a result of being/leaving the JWs).

  "Move on" implies a progression in one's life where past hurt is seen in a different light and can be dealt with.

  Call me callous or condescending, but I don't believe most people do much "moving on" here, at least not mentally and emotionally. Is there really much objective discussion of the organization and the psychology of leaving it? Or is there a group-think mentality in which anything and everything about the JWs is horrible? Gripe feeds upon gripe. The organization and individual JWs are generally viewed antagonistically, not sympathetically. By sympathetically I mean not that one agrees with them (I certainly don't), but that one understands the situational determinants as to why Witnesses are Witnesses and the Watchtower is the Watchtower. How easy we forget what it's like to think like a JW, eh?

  When you are standing two inches away from a large picture you can't see the whole picture.

  Bradley

  PS...and, of course, everything I write applies to YOU the reader of this post personally. (That's a joke, btw)
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  iiz2cool

  Could it not be that one of the reasons ex-JWs "can't stop thinking about" the organization -- and their past involvement with it -- is that they daily log onto this site, read about the Society and talk about them?

  I've been thinking the same thing lately. When I was a JW I spent, at most, 10 hours a week doing the JW thing. Now that I'm not one I spend at least 3 times that many hours bitching about it. Why is it that, now that I'm out, I'm giving them more of my time than I did when I was in?

  How can the wound heal if I'm constantly picking at the scab?

  Walter
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  AK - Jeff

  Of course, you have to admit, your situation is a little bit different, some would even say extreme. You publically disassociated yourself at the end of a public talk. Don't you think if you just stopped attending meetings they would treat you differently? I think so.

  Not on your life, Logansrun! Wifey and I tired to slip quietly away. We have been stepped around as if we were vomit on the floor! Our lifelong friends of over 40 years treat us as if we have distemper! The elders have implied lying hateful things about us to impose a 'shunning'. We have never been even asked why we left! My best friend of 25 years would go walking by my house daily and would not even raise his hand in greeting. My sister in law has turned the children of my recently deceased brother against us. One elder that I spent thousands of hours with in both spiritual and social agendas, spent the last two years of his life refusing to speak with me. You clearly don't get what happens in most these cases, do you?

  I think another isssue has not been addressed in this regard; Amount of investment! Wifey and I, as well as many others that I have become aware of here and other places, have invested our entire lives in this organization. In my case nearly 50 years.

  For us it was like having our house taken, our mortgage cancelled with no refund, our jobs ended, our families removed from us.... in short our entire hope, life, direction, education, opportunity, dreams, just shattered like they were nothing.

  Perhaps those with less investment, or less committment to the time they did invest, can just turn off the switch like you suggest. Those who have come out of the death camps of Hitler never were able to just 'get on with it' like nothing happened were they? I am not exactly comparing coming out of the false religion of Jehovah's witnesses with that level of tragedy - but my point is; when one gives all he has to what is viewed as the truth, and puts all his 'eggs in one basket' , for all his life, then it is not a simple ON/OFF switch.

  I hate it when one person thinks he knows how all persons should feel and think. I for one was a committed, serious, dedicated witness! I invested my entire life, to see it evaporate like so much chaff in the wind.

  This board has been immensly helpful - but I resent the implication that those of us who use it for healing, are just engaging in prolonged self pity. There has been ligitimate injury done to some of us - and we are trying to just get on with it - but it is not easy!

  Jeff
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  logansrun

  Walter,

  Could it not be that one of the reasons ex-JWs "can't stop thinking about" the organization -- and their past involvement with it -- is that they daily log onto this site, read about the Society and talk about them?

  I've been thinking the same thing lately. When I was a JW I spent, at most, 10 hours a week doing the JW thing. Now that I'm not one I spend at least 3 times that many hours bitching about it. Why is it that, now that I'm out, I'm giving them more of my time than I did when I was in?

  How can the wound heal if I'm constantly picking at the scab?

  You said in a couple sentences what it took me a few paragraphs to write. My hat's off to you! I've heard a Mormons saying that applies to ex-JWs equally as well: "You can leave the Church, but you can't leave it alone."

  I guess my point is not so much can one stop talking about the JWs, but can one stop talking about them in a certain way.

  B.