Help for a non-Witness

hagey

Hello,

I'm looking for anyone who is married to a non-Witness, or someone who themselves is not a Witness but is married to one. I'm in desperate need of advice and don't know where else to turn. I myself am not a Witness but my girlfriend is and our religous differences are forcing us apart. I want nothing more than to marry this girl and spend my life with her but there are certain issues that we can't seem to overcome to make that possible. I love this girl more than I could ever describe in this message so if there is anyone out there with ANY advice, PLEASE, PLEASE take a moment and respond.

bboyneko

Won't happen unless you get her to at least seriously doubt her religion.

nelly136

personally I wouldnt marry anyone with their feet still under
that table, you could be looking at major repurcussions later
on especially if you have children, and even if you
talk her out theres always the possibility that the pressure
and emotional blackmail they use (withholding family etc)will make
her regret leaving and go back, at which point you end up getting
left high and dry
nelly

Jeremy Bravo

Hagey,

I am EXACTLY in your situation. My GF just got baptized last month, even AFTER she knew that I had been involved in the Org and left (I was never baptized tho). She did not want to listen to anything I had to say because she is absolutely convinced that she's "in the truth." As of right now, we're trying to work things out. In her mind, I'm trying to see her side....but nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm trying to get her to see my side.

Let's just say that things are looking grim. Don't hold your breath waiting for this one to work itself out.

Some questions (if I may):

Has she used the "do not yoke yourselves to unbelievers" line on you?

Has she been unwilling to see another side of things?

Have the two of you been sweeping your religious differences under the rug, just because you like to be together?

Please Email me if you wish.

Jer.

gsark

Religion is a personal choice everyone must make for themselves, if she's choosing her religion over you (that's what it sounds like)there isn't much you can do, and maybe there isn't much you should do.

You could try waiting her out, but even if you succeed, if you 'win' you could be in for a long frustrating haul in between. Why is this person a Witness in the first place?

Sorry if I don't sound very positive, but couples have been struggling with such thorny issues for thousands of years. Join the club.

ianao

gsark:

Thank you for totally depressing me.

hagey

I am not asking her to doubt her religion. I admire her for her convictions and respect the life she has chosen, even if it's not what I believe in. But should those differences force us to forsake the love and happiness we both feel? Doesn't this give us an opportunity to both see things differently through each others eyes? Compromise seems the only answer when two people believe differently, and I am fully willing to make compromises. She has chosen to be with me knowing full well that I'm not a Jehovah's Witness because in each other we have found something amazing. But long-term, in issues about are children that we both want to have very much, she is not willing to make certain compromises. I've asked that when we do have children that they not be forced to carry a card that denies them a blood transfusion in emergency situations. If a problem arises that we have time to prepare for (scheduled surgery etc.) I am willing to use alternative methods. And when that child reaches an age when they can make an educated answer for themselves about the subject, that will be their choice to make. Those are compromises I will gladly make for the benefit of us and our children. Is it wrong to ask her for compromise from her side after chosing to be with someone outside her faith? PLEASE HELP!

gsark

ianao
..I'm sorry!!!!

hagey
Perhaps you can decide not to have children for a while after marriage. Say a couple of years. It might be fun to spend that time together just the two of you anyway.

Really tho, my heart goes out to you.

Life is a roller coaster. Get in, sit down, shut up and hang on!

hagey

Thank you very much for responding.

To answer a couple of your questions,

She is willing to see my side of things. She keeps an open mind and respects my choices and opinions, but she doesn't always agree with them.

As for our religious differences, we have been completely open about them. It was a struggle for her to tell her family about me but she did because she is not ashamed of me. Now her family has accepted me because they know how much we mean to each other. The subject of children has been something that we've talked about for a while in hopes of resolving any issues and allowing us to move forward. She skirted the issue to some degree but it wasn't something that I was willing to keep locked away because I'm ready to make a life together. She has said that she can't compromise on the issue of our children and the Witness' beliefs about blood. I just want to know if there are any other solutions to this problem that we have missed, anything to will keep us together.

Cygnus

Hagey, dude, let me share something with you. I quit the Witnesses over 4 years ago. My JW wife left me for about 5 months. We got back together and things are better than ever in our marriage (been married over 9 years). At the risk of sounding like a selfish bastard, it's great that my wife goes to meetings, field service, and so forth several times a week. It gives me plenty of opportunity to do what I want. And I know that she's not going to get into any trouble. And, the best part is, even though I'm disfellowshipped and considered an apostate, I am still the head of the household, so whatever I say goes, thanks to the theocratic authority structure. And you know what? I have her immeasurable respect, because I stood up for myself and am leading a responsible life.

Trust me, dude. If JWs really thought their religion was the TRUTH, they would quit their jobs and pioneer. Rarely does that happen. In the back of their minds they know that it's basically BS. So if you play the game right and stand up for yourself, everything can be cool.

Help for a non-Witness

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