Hi Rebel 8.
I hope you find comments on this board that help you in your quest.
I was touched by your post and wanted to comment on three points:
1. The notion of "maternal instincts"
2. Oerall dynamics of human behavior
3. The quality of your Mom's care "on the whole"
1. I was never a JW and can't speak for this particular life and death decision made for perceived religious reasons but I am compelled to comment on your comment about "maternal instincts" and other apsects of human behavior and parental decision making where children are concerned.
While I may offend some in terms of the emotional and sentimental feelings surrounding this notion of "maternal instincts" or even "parental instincts", I am personally under the impression that some people give far to much weight to what they indeed involve.
We hear of many acts of loving care and courage surrounding mothers or parents or siblings or (or even extended family such as Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents), but there are so many sad stories of family who abandon, abuse or neglect children.
This issue of "maternal intincts" is a very sensitive one with me in so far as my own circumstances this notion of "maternal instincts" was a specific reason for a Judge feeling confident in awarding custody to my ex-wife of our children. She was a Jehovah's Witness as was her family (and legal counsel). However, after years of abuse, by their mother, Youth Protection Services intervened. This is something that occurs in society everyday. There are also countless stories in society of abusive or neglectfull parents who are a danger to their children.
This type of behavior towards children happens all the time, every day, cross sections all of society and is not exclusive of Jehovah's Witnesses. While it may be simple to connect JWs and their doctrinal beliefs on the blood issue, I am of the opinion that in many cases it is more than this. Many parents are capable of making bad decisions where their children are concerned and I think this is regardless of religious beliefs. Clearly we see everyday that a claimed existance of "maternal instincts" of "parental instincts" are not a factor in preventing harm to children at the hands of a parent.
2. While there is no doubt in my opinion of the ability of parents to be self sacrificing for their children on a regular and consistant basis, I am of the opinion that there is more to the dynamics of human behavior and any potential "intincts" for peson's to satisfy their own individual needs (call it selfishness for lack of a better word).
In essence I am suggesting that your mother may not have been lacking in any "maternal instincts" relative to anyone else on this planet. I am suggesting that she may not be much different for most parents inspite of her JW beliefs (or brainwashing). She may have been simply motivated by a need to satisfy her own interests. In my opinion most people fall into this category however sad that may be for the children. Let's face it, if a JW child receives blood by force they are not to blame and do not lose their standing with God since it has been forced on them. However, JWs believe that if they a parent willingly allows a child to receive a blood transfusion than the parent will be "Kicked out of the Kingdom" and lose eternal life in a materialistic and hedonistic blissfull existance. I am of the opinion that the JW parents who make this type of decision are acting out of their own personal interests. How it is that they can do this is because they firmly believe that their own interests are paramount to their child's interests and we see this every day in society with non-JWs as well.
3. Every child down deep probably wishes their parent would be willing to lay down their own life for them because they love them so much but I personally think that is the minority of parents who would and if there really was such a thing an overriding "maternal instinct" or "parental instinct" then it would be an obvious majority of parents (with only a very few exceptions) who are truly self sacrificing for their children and on every issue.
I know this is a sensitive issue especially since we are talikng about a parent making a decision regarding their child's life being at stake. I also think it is easy to blame (a cult like) the WTBTS and it's beliefs but when it comes right down to your mother and her "maternal instincts" or the quality of her care, my suggestion is that you evaluate her "on the whole" and not on this particular one issue. In my opinion it is not the same as a clear abuse like hitting, degrading, neglect or abuse of a sexual nature. On the whole, perhaps she was a pretty good parent? This is clearly a painful issue for you and I am absolutely sure it would be difficult for me as well had I been in your circumstances. I sense from your post that you are having adifficult time reconciling how a mother could be willing to allow her child to die but still claim to love that child. I would have a difficult time reconciling that as well. I have come to realize though that in the whole area of human behavior "parental instincts" are definitely subject to self serving interests and it is that way for a great many people and that it does not necessarily automatically qualify them as a bad or unloving parent. Just perhaps not worthy of the "parent of the year" award.
In summary it may seem easy to make an assumption that brainwashing (by the WTBTS) must therefor be involved to cause a mother to override her "maternal instincts" but I think you are placing to much weight on this whole notion of "maternal instincts". We often see in society mothers making bad parental decisions who are not JWs or even brainwashed for that matter. With the exception of mental illness or mental defectiveness many (and in my opinion the majority) are simply acting out of a stronger instict of satisfying their own interests and wants.
I hope things work out okay for you and your Mom in the future.
